Italian Espresso vs American Coffee...What not to order on your next trip to Italy

I grew up watching those Hogan's Heroes episodes ... they'd stand around...wishing for something hot and then spit out whatever it was they'd be served, usually coffee. BC Comics called it swill. With all that bad press, it's a wonder how any of us grew up to be coffee drinkers. And while I'll take an Illy Caffè Italian cappuccino over any coffee in all 50 states (okay...well maybe excluding New Orleans), when you happen upon a good cuppa...it's really not so bad.

But ask any Italian, and for as long as I can remember...they would wince at the mere thought of taking a sip from that horrid cup of "extra long" used bathwater...And this, I believe, is the true reason why Starbucks didn't make such a swift move into the Bel Paese. In all these years, I never really got into the down and murky dirtiness...to convince Italians otherwise. Who was I to explain that the real reason they were disgusted by Caffè Americano had nothing to do with American coffee? At all.

But then, I was talking to a friend's teenage son who had just come back from NYC. When I asked him what he liked about his trip he said..with a note of surprise in his voice, "I thought the coffee was amazing." While I also think his tastebuds were distracted from the idea of camping out on a plush sofa with freewifi at a a local Starbucks...versus downing a 1 inch high sip standing at a bar counter...I could see his point. Up til now, his version of Caffè Americano was basically the water that is left at the bottom of my Bialetti coffee pot -- after I've already bubbled up the contents and poured it into my cappuccino.

So after 25-odd years, I'm going to finally come clean for the Italian people, and...for all the unsuspecting American tourists who come to Italy - begging for a super long Caffè Americano:

No...An American Coffee is NOT the end result of an espresso machine that's forced to urinate all the leftover water, calcium deposits and murky espresso bean slime until it's a faint yellowish piddle flowing into your cup.

Baristas still seem to think that that's what we do in America. Just add water. Instead, American coffees are left to soak up their Burnt Sienna grounds...percolate, so to speak. [We actually get a bigger hit of caffeine than from a standard espresso because of that.] So..you try an American Coffee at your peril. You begin to beg for something that represents prehistoric swill.

Recently, an American couple breezed into one of the bars on the Appian Way and asked for a big ol' cuppa Joe to Go. They grabbed their Monster-sized cups (by espresso standards, anyway) and took off before I could warn them that what they ordered...wasn't quite an American brew. I found their (full) cups in a bin not much further along.

And so I've now come full circle on the Starbucks in Italy idea...Because, if you could actually serve up real American coffee...who knows? It might just catch on.

POSTSCRIPT:  It's 2018 & I just had the experience of ordering a 4.80 "Latte" -- Starbucks has only opened in Milano...and, as I predicted on my Facebook Page @IrreverentItaly , prices were going to be on the up & up -- It's started.

In any case, if you would like to make your own cuppa espresso –– check out the selection of the best of the best! Their team ground, tamped and frothed their way through market leaders to find which machines delivered expert results through an intuitive and user-friendly design. Check it out here
But, do the planet a favor...and stay away from the pods...per favore..

Coffee, Tea, or Me? A question of cross-cultural relations

Anyone who follows the Dove Sono (Where am I) column in my blog will know that I'm in the USA, taking in some of the cultural differences, and standing agape at the many similarities in political campaigns, and of course, the notable differences (and in both cases, for better or for worse).  On the cultural side, it feels real good to be able to glide into a lane, glide along it for miles upon miles, and not have to worry about staking my claim, vying for position, or being squeezed out at a traffic light -- although in both countries texting and cellphone use is fairly even.  I still feel more safe on Michigan roads, however, due to the fact that: a) they're wider, offering more wiggle room, b) they have shoulders in case you need to make a mad dash somewhere else and c) we're still going at a slightly less speedy clip and there are the men in blue to enforce it.  But, you get my drift.
After numerous trips to the U.S. and with an abundance of coffee bars to hang out in, I found things on that front - you know, picking up a quick coffee with a colleague - was essentially just like in Italy.   Well, okay, albeit for the super-sized drinks and an overabundance of calories contained therein and the Henry Ford approach of ordering and receiving down the line one's potables...

picture from Being Latino
click for a lively debate
on who pays when

I recall when first coming to Italy on business as a (very) young woman, how horrified I was to find that, at coffee breaks and business lunches alike, the guy at the table would very courteously pick up the tab.  I was stunned to think that it might appear as if we had been on a date; In my book it both unleveled the playing field and put the gals into play.  Although it took some time, I did finally get used to the practice, but in extreme situations in which I truly wanted to generously offer a meal, or thank someone for their time over coffee, I took to insisting that my company was owned by men, so...Please don't get offended, a man is ultimately picking up the bill...On many levels, my generosity was most likely an insult to my guest, but for 'working gal' me, it was something that I felt was the right thing to do at the time.
Which brings me to the USA.  I always worked for and with Italians when I was there, and, being quite junior, it was only natural that the guy in the group most often sprung for coffee or lunch or dinner even.  As I gained in seniority, suddenly I realized that I should pay the piper.  But then, Starbucks came into the fore; and a new etiquette seemed to arise that left a lot of women bewildered.  Arranging quick meetings in these cafés, the American man would rush in, grab his very own cappuccino or apple cider, sit down and start in.  Embarrassed that no one asked me what I wanted before heading for the cashier, I would migrate up to the counter, all on my own, and order for my little ol' self.  Not only did I have to pay for my order, I was unable to offer any sort of generosity to my business contact.  I felt like Snow White calling a meeting and all the dwarfs showing up with their lunch pails, leaving her to fetch something out of the woods for herself.
In the U.S., when it comes down to business, I've not come across someone ever even feigning to want to pay for the other (and at $5.27 a cup, I can see why that is).  Time and again, it jars my sense of chivalry, while at the same time, opening up a world of feminist rights and what those struggles now boil down to; each person treated equally--even in a coffee shop.  And yet, after decades in Europe, I now found it a bit disturbing.  I mean, in Japan, your prospects may shower you with gifts, in Turkey they pull out all manner of teas and silver platters lined with cigarettes.  And in the U.S., we can't manage a chai tea with soy?  Maybe it's because I am a woman after all.  With all the options at my disposal, when a guy thinks I may start in ordering a decaf light cream latte, no whipped cream, tall cup with cinnamon sprinkles...men have reached the accurate conclusion that some things are better left alone.

The Colbert Report...brings Thought to Food

America the Beautiful...soon to be renamed, America the Big Lattes...Once upon a time it was a special occasion to go out for an Ice Cream Social.  Now, every single event in every town is celebrated by food-eating contests, pig-out sessions, and Super-sized food vendors.  Even at funerals, Americans can't keep away from imbibing for the 40 minutes of the service.
So FIAT and Lavazza, not ones to miss out on capturing the American zeitgeist, just introduced a car that can make espresso while you drive.  Although ask any American who orders cappuccino after their Italian meal, we're not really espresso drinkers.  But, I'm sure they'll come up with a milk steamer in there as well.  The whole thing is truly un-Italian...Italians are appalled by the American way of eating or drinking while - doing pretty much everything and anything else except eating or drinking.  Food is there for your enjoyment, and your digestive track should be treated with respect -- not as some receptacle for gallons of crap.  


This segment from the Colbert Report perfectly sums it all up - hysterical. Just mute your pc until Stephen comes on to avoid the annoying ad...

 

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Thought for Food - Caffeine Edition - Funeral Home Starbucks & Car Coffee Makers
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Italian Cooking? Fugheddaboutit.

Leave it to the Americans to take a wonderful, unadulterated sublime thing like Italian cuisine - pasta & prosecco included - and turn it into a 21st century update of Tuna Helper.  After all, I am in the land of spam.  So, landing in Detroit, the urban landscape and every place in between is boasting their 'italian-ness' - from biscotti (pronounced: bis-kaht-ee) at Starbucks to heaping plates of gnocchi (pronounced: ga-knockee by most everyone) served up hot and as gooey as Chinese pot-stickers.

A friend posted this terrific Ad Fail for a great pasta place on his facebook page, which took a few of us awhile to even figure out the play on words...try & see if you can manage the pun.  Driving around, I've run into Johnny Pomodoro's (originally called, Nino Salvaggio's).  Nearby was Cheesy Luigi's and Tomatoes Apizza (spoken with your best Godfather impression).  When you leave, you can go home and turn on Jersey Shore*.  Pretty soon, we'll have Frankie Avalon & Louis Prima playing the Palace.

My dad loved to quip how, when he was growing up, Cornmeal Polenta was a sure sign of poor, near-starving immigrants.  Now it goes for $15 a dish - grilled, of course.  But at least back in the '50s, Italian-Americans took their food seriously - and you could go to Gino's Pizza or La Traviata ristorante -- and eat serious Italian cooking without the gimmicks.

*Advisory Warning:  The Italian govt has issued a warning for students coming to New York as they are filming in the student dorms - suggesting they shouldn't sign off on any documents nor get filmed.  Too bad the govt neglects to remember that it's an Italian dream to rise to Reality Show stardom.

The Roman Calendar: Through its desserts

Now that it’s a new year, and everyone is hanging up every version of their calendars, I came to the realization that I really didn’t need one.  Living in Italy, you can practically set your clock to the food cycle. And I don’t mean just the in-season fruits and vegetables:  I’m thinking desserts.

It’s January and nary a Panettone can be found far and wide.  All windows and grocery aisles are filled with the wonderful sights of Castagnole (donut holes, by any other name still smell as sweet) and Chiacchiere or Frappe (in Rome) baked or fried, in preparation for February’s carneval festivities.

By March, we’re treated to the Easter dove of peace, in the form of a sort of panettone without the raisins—if it weren’t for the great care in making these Colomba, you’d have thought they just took the leftover Pandoros and kind of squished them down just so.  They’re so delicious, though, they bring you right into April licking your lips from that chocolate frosted or cream filled treat you bought for dinner, but eat for breakfast instead. 

The Colomba cake has a curious history:  they showed up in medieval times just after the Barbarians tried to take Pavia.  I don’t know what this means.  Did the locals resist by living off of yeast-type bread?  Did they make and throw large versions at their would-be conquerors?  Did they offer them up as a sign of peace? No matter, the rest, as they say, is history.

Starting in May/June, you have to start hoarding all of the Mars Bars and little Lindt chocolates like a squirrel readying for winter.  When that sun starts to melt sidewalks, well, no retailer will be carrying black gold.

Summertime of course means only one thing:  gelato to your heart’s content.  You have come to see it as both a life-saving remedy for its cooling down factor, as well as something dietetic; It surely must have fewer calories than Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough or Haagen-Dazs’ dulce de leche.  Every day I cop a gelato cup, I thank my lucky stars they haven’t started posting calorie counters like in New York City Starbucks.

Come September, you can meet your favorite chocolate again in its every manifestation.  You buy double just in case there’s ever another run on chocolate again; you consider making a makeshift chocolate-filled bomb shelter pantry. You just never know when the shelves will go barren again.

In November we find the first Marrons Glacé, which, they’ve now decided to wrap in cute little one-mouthful mini-packs.  Again, you believe that if you only eat a few mini-packs a day, it surely cannot be like eating a king-sized Butterfinger!  After all, aren’t chestnuts fruit?

Which brings us into December, when Panettone and Pandoro have free reign.  Not good enough to simply eat as is (with the powdered sugar ritual poured over top), Americans have come up with “Italian” French Toast (wouldn’t eat be easier to just rename it ‘Italian Toast’?  Like French fries, I doubt either group truly eats their eponymous treats).   

So slice the pieces, dip in egg batter, and fry up those cakes before dousing them with maple syrup – making sure not to forget the powdered sugar over top - it's tradition.  Other serving suggestions are, swimming in chocolate fondue, or smothered in zabajione sauce. I swear it’s the Italian equivalent of Krispy Kremes.  And nothing gets better than that.

So, now that you have your calendar, you might as well start considering the New Years’ resolutions -- Now how is it that Italians stay so fit and trim?

* recipes posted on many of the hyperlinks

Prendiamo un caffè?

I received a wonderful little write up in my friend Susan Evan's Umbrian Il Gusto del Paese newsletter of the various ways in which Italians can imbibe in their morning coffee. It is such a treat to actually watch the ordering in action on a busy workday morning (10am's a good time for caffè spotting), that it even caught the imagination of the ingenious cartoonist, Bruno Bozzetto.

A bit of research later, here's a full listing compiled by the magazine, Focus.it. If you go to their site, (just be sure to click the strange links at the article bottom instead of trying to do the right thing hitting next page), you'll see the listing topping off at 111 types, with Irish coffees, Sultanas, and, my very very favorite, the most amazing coffee treat you will ever have in a 3 second long sip, Torino's famous Bicerin.* And let me tell you, the Torinese rival the Viennese when it comes to wonderfully baroque coffee bars. In Naples you get a lemon slice (and a helpful glass of water to wash it down with), in Milan, we order 'Marocchini' (aka Moroccan coffees), which are mini-cappuccinos, and in Venice, Focus says, you can even find an espresso served with an egg inside, although I have never seen anyone try it. Might be a good cure for hangovers, however from your Venetian Happy Hours, something else to experience before one dies.

So, to totally plagiarize from Focus, here's their listing of what's on offer:

1) Amaro
 2) Ristretto 
3) Lungo
 4) Corto
 5) Alto
 6) Macchiato
 7) Macchiato caldo
 8) Macchiato freddo
 9) Decaffeinato 
10) Corretto 
11) Doppio
 12) Doppio in tazza grande
 13) D'orzo
 14) In tazza grande 
15) In tazza piccola
 16) Americano
 17) Cappuccino
 18) Cappuccino senza schiuma
 19) Cappuccino tiepido 
20) Cappuccino decaffeinato
 21) Cappuccino con cacao 
22) Caffellatte
 23) Latte macchiato
 24) Latte macchiato con decaffeinato
 25) Marocchi 
26) In tazza fredda
 27) Con latte freddo a parte 
28) Con latte caldo a parte 
29) Freddo
 30) Freddo shakerato
 31) Irish
 32) Frappé
 33) Caffè crème (Svizzera)

Rome's Sant' Eustachio caffè has a daunting list about three times the size of this one. But, don't try asking what things are. All the guys behind all the counters are the Italian equivalent of the Seinfeld Soup Nazis. In my opinion, the quality of the caffè does not outshine the frenzy of the unhappy drinking experience there.  You can find my writeup plus more Caveats & Carpe Diems in my Travel Tip Tab above.

*This bellissimo writeup from the place where it all started, at the Caffè Bicerin:

This historic drink of Turin, which has evolved from the eighteenth century “bavareisa”, was created right here in this café of the same name which jealously guards the traditional recipe. It’s an exquisite, hot drink- a mixture of espresso, chocolate ( the process is a well-guarded secret) and fresh cream. Served in a tall glass so you can admire the mouth watering melange of colours, the bicerin is a pleasure waiting to be discovered by those who love tempting the palate.

In 2001 the Bicerin was acknowledged as the “traditional Piedmontese drink” by the publication – Bollettino Ufficiale della Regione Piemonte.
Though “bicerin” means small glass, it is in fact packed with sustenance with its base of concentrated chocolate, topped with a layer of espresso, covered with cream. It is a power pack of energy.
(Lucia Sollazzo – La Repubblica)

Expat Shopping Spree

My friend Annabel, accomplished chef, food writer & marketing maven came to Rome to work in an authentic trattoria. She blogged about her experience (and terrific recipes as well) here [Her past blogs include India: Who's Sari Now? and Tokyo: Vending for your life - where she left with no suitcase & decided to purchase all of her necessities from the ubiquitous vending machines which purportedly sell everything from underwear to electronics and more..]. Needless to say, the last time she came over, she ended up developing Tex Mex menus for Dixieland restaurants in Milan, training the kitchen staff to make Huevos Rancheros and Silver Dollar Pancakes (still on offer, I might add -- although they probably cost a silver dollar to eat them).


Her arrival sparked in me, however, a little Expat Shopping Spree. Having not been back to the USA for well over a year, I was in definite need of stuff. And, I'm very brand loyal. So, for any of you 'across the pond' who come visit us expats over here, here goes.  My brother, for one, stocks up on yummy granola, kids' toothpaste and vitamins. This is not to say you can't find the items here (and Carrefour gets our vote), but, at nearly $12 for a little bottle of maple syrup, well, it's a lot less trouble to go to www.drugstore.com and let your fingers do the walking (and your friends do the carrying).


So, here's my short list of things I absolutely, positively, cannot live without (it goes without saying that we're talking family-sized containers, a concept that has not quite reached the continent):


Maple syrup - because here it costs more than truffles
Imitation vanilla - bottles here are sold for a family of lilliputians
Arrid Extra Dry - incredibly, boiling hot Europe offers either anti-perspirant or deodorant, and never the twain shall meet. I won't go into the net effect of this most outrageous practice.
Brown sugar - not cane, but soft, packed, thrice-refined, imperative for cookies, brown
Ghirardelli Brownie Mix - I know a caterer in London who brings it in by the case full -- there is no greater product on earth.
Bisquick -- for those Sunday a.m. pancakes - and don't let them fool you, Europeans love American breakfasts if it's put in front of them.
Aveeno lotion-- this is sold here, and prices on toiletries are nearly the same these days, but I still hold out for the family-size
Ditto for Johnson's Baby Oil, Nivea & other sundry items including Aquafresh (which, anyone coming to Europe will find the 'minty' taste has been altered -- turns out, they hate our mint, we theirs).
Starbucks chai tea packs - they don't sell the loose stuff over here (and thankfully, there are no Starbucks in Italy -- I think even the Italians will balk at a 4 euro latte)
Brita water filters -- can't find them at those prices over here!
Marshmallows -- just because
Hand-held dish scrubber sponges -- make great gifts too!
Altoids -- they say they come from England, but you won't find them over there (believe me, I've tried!)
Coffeemate & Folgers Instant when you want a cup o'Joe that's "good to the last drop" and decidedly not an espresso with lots of water added!


And, for those of you leaving Italy, always pack a huge family-sized Nutella jar, 'cuz you won't find 'em even that large at CostCo. Touchè.

Tante Belle Cose - October

The best news ever to come my way is that the Fabulous Federconsumatori managed to win a hefty penalty levied against Italy's Trenitalia for shady business practices. Anyone who has ever tried to book a ticket online (I've never succeeded but, hey...) knows what goes on there: promotions that disappear upon purchase, discounts that don't exist, out of frustration you're forced to dial their (pay) telephone number. No, they would never think to offer a toll free one.

Because of the fangs of consumer associations like Federconsumatori, I just know that I'll live to see the day when the monopolies stop treating you like a mere prey to be shaken down, and will start trying to earn your business. After all, it happened with Telecom Italia (well, they still prey on their customers, but many of us ran off to Vodafone, et.al. to get away from them) and it's happening now with the energy companies. Who knows? Maybe even Alitalia will have a reawakening...

As of November 1st, bars which have adhered to the Fipe-Confcommercio accord will block price rises for your morning cappuccino.

This is terrific news since prices now rival Starbucks, the greatest scam in the universe. Only problem is, in October breakfast prices clocked a 15% increment. In Italy, there is no free breakfast.

After the success of turnstiles introduced in government offices, it seems the government now wants to introduce them pretty much everywhere else. They now expect to make abut 350 more employees sing for their supper and start stamping their ins and outs of office. Not only that, Renato Brunetta's office announced he wants government offices to go completely email - inbox.

Seeing that the internet came around some time in 1989, it's about time. But, that's not to say you will ever get a response...I have yet to send in a COMMENT form and receive a reply in return...even when asking for business from companies...But, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

After all, hope is the last to die.

Turning Learning into Limonata

While in the USA for Thanksgiving, I’ve had the privilege of being invited for lunch at my nephews’ school. And while being regaled by the 6 yr. olds breaking into the Gobble Gobble Turkey Trot, back at home, I learned that something even more insidious was being brainwashed into our little ones’ heads: UNADULTERATED CAPITALISM. In something quite frighteningly reminiscent of Brave New World, it looks like while in Europe, our Nike-clad kids & parents take to the streets protesting “globalization” (something I’ve never quite grasped, to be perfectly honest…I mean, they don’t like dishwashers or pcs??), America is busy hard-wiring kids into what it takes to be a true blue-blooded capitalist.

I remember when my niece was about 7, she conducted a marketing survey with all my friends (via email, no less), asking at what price point she should be offering her lemonade. She then had to produce a report on her findings, set up the stand, and sell her stuff. In Italy, parents would have pulled their children inside their Mercedes’ faster than you could say "limonata" to avoid the Brutta Figura in front of the neighbors: What?! You want people to think we’re needy??!!!

Now in 7th grade, my niece’s class has formed a MINI SOCIETY in which they decide on products to produce, warehouse and sell. They give them mini business plans like a TARGET MARKET LOCATOR PLANNING GUIDE, BUSINESS CARD TEMPLATES, and MARKET SURVEYS. My niece’s group, would then set out to produce and sell their products on Auction Day. Post-sales, they would have to deduct the fixed and variable expenses of rental & advertising space, posters, warehousing and even consulting services. In a nod to the country of indefatigable entrepreneurs (or was it Starbucks?) they named their group, ‘Cappuccino City’.

Now, I’m not familiar with what goes on in Italian schools, and regardless, we all know that on average, Italian kids are far more educated than their American counterparts (who rank somewhere near Albania), despite the complaints we see in the daily papers. But, an exercise of this nature, I have never heard of.

In fact, I shiver at the thought of an Italian correspondent program: whereby the first thing they do is offer their real money & other treats to School Council members in order to guarantee a prime location in the school cafeteria, purchase licenses some of whom get denied because they didn’t pay off the principal, skip the marketing survey part, and then charge exorbitant prices for their goods. One group of bullies doesn’t sell anything but is still the richest. They’re busy getting paid the ‘pizzo’ and avoiding taxes. After hiring their employees, they can never fire them, even after being caught stealing from the coffers. But it doesn't matter. They'd have to close down their booths due to the strikes. The rest of the class doesn't show up because the buses didn't arrive on time. And those who are able to buy the item and find it breaks? No refunds permitted.
Now that would be truly educational.

Hunger Strike

September 13th the Consumer Federations have announced a symbolic strike (see the Notizie to the left)--no one should buy any food all day long. Now, we all know what that means: we'll just be buying it the day before or the day after, but, it's the thought that counts.

A new study came out to show, just what, exactly is going on here. It would appear that from a study in 1985 compared with today, that:

our daily Bread costs 12 times what it once did
Fresh Pasta, 20 times
and Sweets 70 times more.

Considering what one pays for a single rice krispie treat at Starbucks, well, they don't have nuthin' on us americans, but...

What's all the more frustrating is that, in 1985, wheat cost 23 cents a kilo. While the finished product, bread, cost 52 cents/kg. A little more than double from front to finish.
Today, wheat costs an even lesser, 22 cents! But the finished product, 2 euro 70 cents and up to 5 euro per kilo for special types!
That is an increment of 750% from raw material to end product. All I can say is, I'm glad I have a yeast intolerance.

And that is why, on September 13th we'll show them.
But, I'd like to offer my own solution: how about putting ancient mills in the courtyards of all the palazzi (they used to do that in Ancient times, you know, so we know it would work) and just making the bread ourselves?!