Bridgegate, Rubygate, and a new word in the Italian lexicon

I admit it, I have been fully relishing in the day by day revelations of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's alleged bullying rampage.  Only Illinois seems to be more corrupt, and we won't get into a Chicago / New Orleans showdown.  But what I can't tolerate is the moniker most of the press have haplessly attached to a scandal about a bridge:  BridgeGate.  It makes my skin crawl just to type the word.  Must we be condemned to add the suffix -Gate to every scandal that crosses our collective radar?  By now, most people interested in the news have no idea what or why this is.  I can just imagine dictionaries today, adding this suffix to the list of possible word endings.  I can see foreigners the world over scratching their heads, "Those are toll lanes, not gates!" or "Monica-Gate? How many people was she bonking?"

While in an Italian language forum one woman cast her plea out into the world..."Can someone please tell me what is Watergate?!"  A few years ago, the online press, Il Post took it on themselves to explain, in no uncertain terms, the bizarre practice with the Italian press, posting this headline:  Why all scandals are called Gate.

But what is an even more audacious commentary on American marketing prowess, is the fact that even Italian scandals sport the Gate ending, which always makes me wonder if they pronouce it, Gah-teh; which confuses them more than ever.  Rubygate / Batman-Gate / Sexy-Gate (the scandal covered in "Vesuvian sauce") -- they even relished in New York City Mayor's eating his pizza in true Italian style, with a fork = Fork-gate.  

I need to take a break because I am writhing in pain.

But, it didn't start with the Italians.  If I am to trust my web sources (hah!), it is the fearful English-hegemony French that started it all in the first place.  In 1978, a scandal broke which was quickly dubbed, Winegate.  From there, it was a slippery slope straight down to the bottom.  Today, we are treated to Hollande-Gate or Gayet-Gate.  Help me.  Please.  Someone.  Anyone.  Although I must say, European "Gate" scandals tend to be more associated with sex scandals than with corruption.  Maybe because they're more used to brushing off the bribes?

When will another scandal be so great as to stop the gate verbage cold?  Enron - Madoff - Parmalat. Parmalat was the largest financial scandal in history.  Berlusconi's Ruby Heartstealer could be called Rubyalat (which just happens to rhyme with "a lot") or Hollande's First-Lady problems would be Premier Dame-alat?  Anything but Gate.  

For those of you who don't know what, in reality, Watergate even stands for, it was the name of the hotel complex situated on the Potomac where President Nixon's guys broke into the Democratic National Committee Headquarters.  

Recently, the President of Rome's regional government found a bug in his office underneath a chair, which garnered almost no mention in the press.  Most of Berlusconi's convictions rest upon wire-tapping of his inner circle and his adversaries alike. People don't think twice anymore.  It's no wonder that Gate may be here to stay.  Aiuto.

A Horse of a Different Color

The lastest craze driven by the media to make us all crazy is the “scandal” of - gasp! Horrors of horrors! - finding horsemeat in pretty much every meat and meat-related item in and around Europe.  You would think they found, oh, I don’t know lead in baby and pet food from China.  I am a horse aficionado, I (try, at least to) ride them, and on my palette of palatable plates, horse meat is right up there alongside cow tongue, tripe and on most occasions, Thumper (except when hiking in the Alps and served with polenta).  So, the question on everyone's lips, if not in their mouths is, “Where’s the beef?!” 

I thought the media-driven fear fomenting the public outcry was sort of strange in a place (and by this I mean all of Europe, east, west, and central) that regularly offers up horse meat on menus and in the meat aisle of your local grocers.  I am assuming that people were upset to learn about horses in their stew for a number of reasons, foremost being the labeling.  I imagine it’s because many people, like me, just don’t fancy equine meat as something they feel like sending into their digestive tracts unwittingly and on a daily basis.  If they are going to consume it, they want to know upfront that it is the side of a nice stallion they were sinking their teeth into.  Like Martini&Rossi, people who regularly nosh on Nellie have to ask for it by name, starting with Whoa!

The greater scandal as I see it has everything to do with the food processors, who seem - if you are to trust the reporters - to assume the Lipizzan stance: frozen in mid-prance and caught totally by surprise.

As cute & innocent as it looks, I don’t buy it for a minute.  A collective - “Whoops! How could such a thing have happened?”  As if their in-house butcher can’t tell the difference between a cow carcass and a horse one when they offload them at the factory.  Not to mention that State officials routinely run tests on all manner of food products -- We are lead to believe that there was a sudden overrun of horses so processors decided to cull the stocks and use them for meat filler?  In the last week or so?  I don’t think so.  Like a pedophile or philanderer, if they’ve been caught this once generally means they’ve been at it for a whole heckuva lot longer.

In the very least, if this stinky spate of horseshit makes for better labeling, then great.  I, for one, only hope that people stop their steeple-chase of purchasing pre-fab sauces, meatballs, ragù and other processed products that they just don’t need in their kitchens.  Unless, of course, they need to feed an army of people as hungry as horses.  

*many live links in text above

Cappuccino Caldo with Carol

My friend Carol is always scoping the news to come up with an eclectic mix of fun, strange and otherwise obtuse comments around the globe that have to do with Italy.  They are so delicious that I am embarrassed that I've kept her findings all to myself. So, every so often when something truly rich comes along, I thought I'd repost here for all to see.  So, watch this space as we bring you the best of the antics of my paesani as seen from abroad (or rather, from a broad...).

http://tv.gawker.com/#!5763799/jon-stewart-weighs-in-on-silvio-berlusconis-giant-balls

As reported today by Matt Cherette on www.tv.gawker.com  — "Now I know why Venice is sinking—it is under the weight of Silvio Berlusconi's giant balls." So said Jon Stewart at the beginning of tonight's Daily Show, wherein he detailed the shocking, unrepentant behavior of Italy's Prime Minister.  And, although it's not true that the immunity law passed (thus his current legal battles, boiling up to the surface), it's still a fun piece of reporting.

In other pictures, one terrific sign posted with unusual irony that was brought to light during the protests reads (after the govt passed huge cuts to education & research),  

Silvio - If you can get it up, you owe it to RESEARCH!

,

Berlusconi's Babes-Follow the Money

The English press, since their own politicians usually can't have nearly as much fun as their Mediterranean counterparts always have a heyday when Berlusconi gets caught with his pants down. As much as the Brits love to vacation in Italy, they seriously can't take Italy...well, seriously. Forget being cozy with Putin, Berlusca is 'peeing off the plane' Boris Yeltsin's protégé.

The most disturbing facts surrounding this media circus however, have seemed to pass the media by (not to mention the EU & World Bank for that matter). That the government has been at a standstill, aside from the internal cat fights, for seven months, while Berlusconi & pals entertain new ways to get him off the hook, instead of trying to resolve Italy's stagnant growth, brain drain & myriad problems. Today's ace up their sleeve? Introducing a law to fine 100,000 euro anyone issuing an order for telephone interceptions (read: judges - which is what tripped him up in the first place), if there is no ultimate proof of wrongdoing (the chicks aren't chirping, so, it will get him off in the second place).

Another issue much ignored by the anglo press is, of course, that paying for escorts is not illegal. It's the girl's age and playing the 'get out of jail free' card that may cost him Park Place.  Every day I see policemen picking up prostitutes to keep them off the streets - but, it's hard to uphold that law when your PM seems to be getting their phone numbers and inviting them to his villa. Only the church seems to be talking about decorum and how one should assume a more 'statesmanlike conduct' (and we know how good they are at saving face in the face of scandal). Let's face it. If any of us carried on like this in our jobs, except for Hef, we'd be fired.

But, my biggest beef is none of this.  I wonder, while Italy has income tax revenues too low to speak of, State spending above their GDP, no money to pay their teachers, remove their garbage, build nursery schools, maintain the streets, rebuild Aquila, etc. etc., why Miss Minetti, the 25 yr. old ex-dental hygienist cum City Councilwoman (and, allegedly, the Madam of the mansion), and who, I am certain, is, according to Berlusconi, "a splendid person, intelligent and educated,"

makes as a fledgling City Councilwoman in Milan, more than Barack Obama.

Her pay? 12.555 euro per month (times 14 months' pay and including about 8 weeks vacation - more even, than George W. Bush). This comes out at today's (lower) exchange rate to $245,155/yr. - and I believe that's after taxes. Multiply this by their thousands of city council people and...Work in the EU? The pay is over 50% more than that. We've already seen the picture play out on this legalized graft -- it's called Greece. This is the real scandal.  Of course, one could also state that the escorts don't make out so badly either. 

What did P.J. O'Rourke call it?  Parliament of Whores -- and that was the US Government.

Berlusconi's Zipper Problem

As the press starts to state that Berlusconi's 'zipper problem' (my word, not theirs and borrowed from Bill Clinton) is beginning to be an embarrassment to the country - what with his penchant for paid prostitutes escorts, surrounding himself with underage cube dancers, and then not showing any signs of humility insofar as a father let alone the face of Italy's government.  I wonder sometimes, how deep this double (or in his case, multi-dimensional) standard goes.

 This picture comes with an excellent rhyme 

(in Italian) at this website

This week, I was invited to a conference in Florence - for the Arts - an industry in which women are prominent (but mostly cuz it's so low-paying, like everywhere else).  But once again, to hear a bunch of guys rattle on - generally reading from their pre-prepared scripts unless of course, they're making ad lib sexist jokes.
Then, a friend told me of a meeting he had in Amsterdam - between all Italians also attending a conference.  Turns out one of the two parties was a pretty serious, straight-laced fellow.  The other party, in order to 'test his mettle' decided that they'd see what he was made of.  And so, the dinner quickly diverted to the Red Light District.  I guess, if he could bag a whore, he would bag the business.
This happens the world over -- in fact, escorts doing just their job is pretty standard fare anywhere -- but you sometimes wonder, where the dividing line between upright behaviour in business ends and PMs 'defending their lifestyle' as a model example of a successful businessman cum politician begins. 
Perhaps Berlusca can turn the Zipper Problem to his advantage:  And start by zipping up his mouth.

Italy's New Austerity Program - A dedication

Everyone would probably be in agreement that the Abruzzo region, hit last year by the devastating earthquake which uprooted hundreds of thousands, would be living as they say, 'hand to mouth' right about now.  At least that's true for the hapless residents, the Abruzzi diaspora currently living in temporary quarters (while asking, 15 months on, just how temporary is temporarily?).  With reconstruction money flowing in (but admittedly, without reconstruction), we are not without our share of scandals - But this one takes the cake:

On the eve of Berlusconi's cost-cutting - belt-tightening squeeze, it was reported that the Region's officials - all 11 of them - gifted themselves spanking new 'auto blu'; the private cars sporting sirens that whisk politicians to and from their mistresses' apartments official visits around the area.  These cars, with a price tag of 22,000 euros ($30,000) per month come complete with plasma tvs so their escorts guests aren't bored while they officiate over another photo opp.  Enough money to rebuild at least something - how about the TV store for starters (as a sort of note of thanks), or, a bit of sidewalk in Aquila alone. 

To these politicians, and on behalf of all Italians everywhere, I'd like to dedicate a song which I believe best expresses the sentiments*



If you can't see video above, here is the link

Dirty White Boy lyrics

Hey, baby, if you're feelin' down   ‘cuz you ain’t got no home to go to
I know what's good for you all day   ‘cuz I’m your elected official
Are you worried what your friends see?   Don’t worry, they’ll get over it
Will it ruin your reputation lovin' me?   So you voted for me, so what?

'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
Yeah a dirty white boy
A dirty white boy

Don't drive no big black car   Are you kidding? I got me an auto-blu with driver!!!
Ain't like no Hollywood movie star   Hell, even Paris Hilton drives her own ride
You want me to be true to you   Just because you voted for me? Pffffhhhhhh
You don't give a damn what I do to you   Because you don’t protest loud enough or long enough - and no matter what you say, my car is staying!

I'm just a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy

Well, I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
A dirty white boy

I've been in trouble since I don't know when   Well, since the earthquake, actually
I'm in trouble now and I know somehow I'll find trouble again   If you count trouble as things that fall apart that I can cash in on
I'm a loner, but I'm never alone   No, my mistress is usually right by my side (after all, she’s my secretary)
Every night I get one step closer to the danger zone   If my wife finds out, it’s tee time with Tiger! (better hide those golf clubs…)

'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy

*song applicable also to Tony Hayward, CEO of BP Petroleum, Bernie Madoff, Ken Lay, all the Wall Streeters (with a special mention of derivatives traders & Goldman Sachs), Tanzi of Parmalat, and a list far too long to mention here.

A friend informs me that Italy has over 600,000 auto blu paid for by taxpayers.  A country as vast as France?  35,000.

And, for another Abruzzo town, the town of Teramo, whose entire Mayoral office swapped their auto blu for bicycles, I will dedicate another song, Sheryl Crow's version of Here comes the Sun for the Bee Movie.

Ponzi Schemes, Madoff & Other Geniuses

I recently happened upon an interesting article in the New York Times about the false start in releasing a new game show, Our Little Genius. It appeared that the show was going ahead, despite some controversy; mostly about the effects of putting children under pressure to win life-changing money in these difficult times. But there was another sort of controversy stewing behind the scenes. The producer himself, to his financial detriment, pulled the first shows, paid out the winners anyway, and decided to re-record entirely new episodes. Why? Because the contestants may have been fed – not necessarily the answers, but the questions. He determined that the show must not go on -- at least for now.

Anyone familiar with Italy’s satirical news show, Striscia la Notizia, will know that almost weekly, they catch the Endimol (UK-based company) game shows rigging the games, the winnings and even the contestants (some appearing on multiple game shows - of all the luck!); with winnings logged in well above the European average.
Although for contestants this might appear like a good thing, it feeds into the national psyche of a non-meritocracy and further fires the flames of conspiracy theories already endemic to the country; touching everything from politicians to portinai. But, at least for this game show, to avoid the debacle so poignantly portrayed in the film ‘Quiz Show' – when game show cheating nearly brought down television itself, “Fifty million people watched, but no one saw a thing,” they're trying a preemptive strike in order to untarnish their reputation.

In the real life game show played out every day on Wall Street, in New York, Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi ilk are still ‘sulla bocca di tutti’, as well they should be. People (New Yorkers, in particular, never mind the proverbial ‘Main Streeters’) are still waiting for the hammer to fall on the cheaters who wrought economic terrorism on the rest of the world. As we know, some have been tried and convictions handed down –in Madoff’s case - to the exemplary tune of 150 years.

Tanzi (nearly rhymes with Ponzi), like his American brethren, and all of his Tangentopoli buddies from Milano of the 1990s, simultaneously denies any wrongdoing, blames others, protects his family, and ends up with a slap on the wrist. Although presiding over the biggest financial fraud in history (pre-Madoff), he recently made headlines again after officials found his masterworks collection hidden in a garage (he denies any knowledge about their existence - obviously, a case of being 'framed' (sorry, couldn't resist).

And while there is still no cleanup in sight for the Wall Street thugs, slick businessmen and politicians here and there, wouldn’t it be great if, starting with the game shows, someone finally would be held accountable, admit responsibility, actually spend real time in jail (without being rewarded with choice political postings upon release), and forced to sell off their master works, and determine, like the game show producer, that, “I want my show to be beyond reproach.” Now that, would be a stroke of genius.

Tiger's Striped Past (and bright future)

You know you’ve been living in Europe far too long when you still cannot believe that (yet) another famous American man is held up to public ridicule for his private indiscretions. People coast to coast express their dismay, shake their heads, wag those fingers – it truly brings home the idea that this country was, indeed, founded by those early ‘Puritans’.

An Italian friend wrote to me, ‘I stand by Tiger’. And that pretty much sums up what most Europeans think of this truly American spectacle. Looking at many a politician, never mind a sports figure: Mussolini, Berlusconi, Sarkozy, heck – even a stripper elected in her ‘party of love’. The spectacle grows even more spectacular when we are onlookers (or peeping Toms) while the politician’s career explodes and his family life implodes into a front page view of blue dresses and cigars, airport bathrooms, mistresses, and Las Vegas porn stars.

I got to thinking that it may be that many of Tiger Woods’ sponsors have dropped or will drop him [Accenture’s ads, exhorting you to ‘Be a Tiger’ has decidedly taken on new meaning], he probably has a pretty good career ahead of him as a spokesperson in Europe – from golf courses to even Berlusconi’s own media empire, soccer club and more! Italians didn’t think twice when Pavarotti, after being fined for tax fraud, soon became the face of Monte dei Paschi (or Monte dei Pacchi, as I like to call them). Europeans simply keep private matters private, and, seeing Tiger’s transgressions overtaking real news all week, I’m all for it.

But, I must confess, I enjoy all of the Tiger jokes, the double entendres, and even what one sports columnist described as the now creepy (or totally hot, depending on how you look at it) PGA motto, “These guys are good.”

As for Nike, I think they’re sticking to Tiger and their moniker, “Just Do It”. Now there’s putting a face behind the brand.

Tante Belle Cose - November / Print Media Edition

This past month, newspapers & magazines are pulling out all the stops to keep us reading, thinking, and conversing. They say 'necessity is the mother of invention' well, I haven't seen such genius in a long while...



Berlusconi lauded as 'Rock Star of the Year' by the Italian Rolling Stone.
Says Carlo Antonelli, Editor Rolling Stone, "This year the choice was unanimous, for his obvious merits due to a lifestyle for which the words 'rock and roll' fall short,"Rod Stewart, Brian Jones, Keith Richards in their prime were schoolboys compared to [Berlusconi]."
No further comment necessary.

From the files of 'tutto il mondo e' un paese'...Americans are creating a generation of their own mammones, but worse. These kids don't have all the traditions of la famiglia at their disposal, and yet, they're mammones all the same.
But at least this new societal malaise garners national cover attention.
Recognition is the first step toward recovery...

And then, the Wall Street Journal poses a loaded question on its very front page which I glimpsed right in glittery Times Square where the comparatively infintesimal ball will drop in just under a month. The now-octogenerian and truly beloved American Bandstand host Dick Clark, still rockin' 5 years after suffering a stroke is slated for New Years Eve.And they dare say it, "Isn't it time to pass the baton?"
After witnessing the recent passing of his Italian brother, Mike Bongiorno, who no one wanted to see departing this earth, I wonder if maybe the question shouldn't be posed first to certain politicians...

And, the best news yet: Tiger Woods' has done more for golfing with his 'transgressions' than even his golf score. His fall from grace has given the Golf industry its greatest drive ever.
I mean, who'da thought that a bunch of pot-bellied guys willingly donning lime green and plaid pants, goofy hats and riding around in cheesy carts could ever have a scandal so twisted it makes even Berlusconi pale by comparison.
Oh yes, Silvio, Tiger is tanned, too - so consider yourself doubly pale.

And with headlines like 'Tiger is a Cheet-ah', from the New York Post, who says that newspapers are dead?

Sex, Lies and Dvds

History has just been made: An Italian politician just went down for his sexual picadillos, in what is a very first for this country. I mean, we’re talking about the place that gave us Caligula, Popes with 17 kids, Caesar & Cleopatra and then Marc Antony & Cleopatra, and Emperors gifting sumptuous villas for their mistresses. It was the Italians who remarked upon seeing photos of Gary Hart on the ‘Monkey Business’ with a pretty blonde (who was not his wife), that he most likely would have lost his candidacy if he’d been on the Monkey Business and not tried something. And so, catching Marazzo, the Governor of Rome’s great Lazio region with his pants down and taking the fall? This is nothing short of monumental.

Has Italy suddenly become prudish? Not if you count the numbers of men (and women) who back Berlusconi’s affairs as a sign of his ‘virility’. No, with all the drama of an Italian tragic opera, it wasn’t one of your plain vanilla puritan American affairs; getting caught sleeping around, or paying for escorts, or getting blown in the oval office, or even chasing pages (these transgressions don’t even cause blips on the radar screen). He was caught – on tape – shacking up with transvestites. But that’s only the QuickRead version of the story. It grows more complex by the minute.

What started out as his ‘personal weakness’ for the likes of Natalí and Brenda, later involved four Carabinieri policemen who filmed him in the act (for whom?, one might ask). He tried offering them hush money. The film supposedly ends up, however, in the hands of one of the huge media outlets – who warns him about it, rather than publishing it. That person is also the one running the country, Berlusconi. Speaking of Prime Ministers, the building is the same one in which Aldo Moro was famously held prisoner before being murdered. The same neighborhood where Italy's Secret Service purportedly own 22 other apartments (begging the question...did they murder Moro?). Or, did the Carabinieri have ties to Rome's local mafia, the Casalesi, and is it true, they have other hot videos (involving other ex-Ministers)?
As the climax of Marazzo’s personal and professional life is spent as fast as a man after well, climax, he's taken a leave of absence from his job. Unfortunately, just when Berlusconi’s men are maintaining a public campaign to halt absenteeism for false maladies – Marazzo goes home and gets a note from the doctor. The opposition cries foul, and presses for new elections – surely to win.
And, speaking of Berlusconi, the spotlight's now off the uncannily quiet Berlusca and his escorts, and shining brightly on the left, where the dirt is so murky, his own affairs pale by comparison. Hmmmmm...those accusations now seem like fun foreplay when set against the after-glow of Marazzo's transvestite trysts.

Shakespeare set his plays in Italy, for all the intrigue and fascination the place obviously held even back in his day. But Shakespeare, if he were alive today, could never have predicted such a convoluted unfolding of events.
As for me, since the days of seeing Gary Hart's Presidential campaign go impotent, up to John Edwards' premature ejection from public life, I still can’t figure out for the life of me, why public figures don’t keep their privates private – at least for the time they’re occupying a public office.

p.s. You can read an update here:
In a great show of support, opposition politician and media mogul Silvio Berlusconi has stated that the video will not go published on any of his media outlets. Yet another genius move by the great Chess player.
Birds of a feather...

Evolution in Italy: Darwin at its best?

My apologies...but I just couldn't resist...And, Tanto di Cappello to artist Marco Martellini (who you can find on facebook) the talent behind this sensational drawing, which requires no explanation other than the names of some of those featured in what is a modern day version of Raphael's depiction of all the great thinkers of his day...(sorry, I've had visitors here all week...visiting the Vatican, et.al.)....

On the right, you'll spot Garibaldi in his red shirt, Mussolini, Andreotti, and of course, our beloved P.M.

To read what the foreign press is coming up with, click on the links below:

The Huffington Post's Big News Page on Berlusconi
On the petition set off by the wives of G8 leaders trying (in vain) to relegate Berlusca to his misogynist place in history

The Times of London is having a field day (although I can't locate their map of all things tawdry & titillating)...

The Italian Job

There are a couple of financial scandals going on in America (just a couple?!) that have piqued my interest these days. I'm talking about American-born Angelo Mozilo, former head of the largest home lending Company, Countrywide Financial, and Italian Raffaelo Follieri, better known as Anne Hathaway’s ex.

Now, I’m not implying that the Italians have cornered the market on graft and corruption – just one look at the litany of Wall Street scandals, Enron, Worldcom, lobbyist money, sex scandals, Watergate, Ponzy schemes; even the Kennedy’s got their money and status thumbing their noses at Prohibition. Taken together, they add credence to the Italian proverb, tutto il mondo è un paese (the whole world is a village).

One must consider, however, that Italy’s Parmalat did outdo them all in terms of sheer chutzpah, amounts involved and levels of ‘creative accounting’ so intricate it would make Daedulus’ Labryinth look easier to get out of (btw, he was Sicilian).

But one thing’s for sure: where these two guys messed up is that, if you’re caught in America, you risk getting the book thrown at you (just ask Martha Stewart). Generally speaking, there aren’t many politicos lined up to save your skin (unless you’re Ken Lay, Mark Rich or Scooter Libby), or no judge who's going to turn a blind eye. Follieri’s life sentence would set a nice example for more than a few white collars thinking they can get away with it.

In Italy, these guys may not have gotten busted in the first place (it would all depend on who they had in their pocket). Or, if they did, they may have gotten off lightly, or, the trial winds on so long, they get off from sheer boredom. Or, like (the likely outcome of) Parmalat or even the Tangentopoli folks -- they get a slap on the wrist and are told not to do so again. Their families get to keep the change hidden away in outposts like the Cayman islands or Lichtenstein.

America seems to have the market on Corporate scandals, only because they get caught. This marked difference with Italy was aptly put to me one day by a sociologist: While in America, we have corrupt individuals -- in Italy, it is the entire system which is corrupt.

I'll keep you posted.