Nuns on a Bus

Picture from Treggia's Blog

I've said it before, and I'll say it again (and again!), Italians have a lot of superstitions. Some of them are endearing only 'cuz it reminds you of your granma...or nonna...as the case may be. Others, because the Italians - having had to put up with all sorts of indecencies over the centuries, heck, millennia, always seem to find the wherewithal to pull through, perhaps laughing about the matter along the way.
And so you hear that 

if you step in dog poop, it brings good luck.

If your pooped on by a pigeon...it brings good luck.

If it rains on your wedding day...it brings good luck (naturally)...

but I think these are all just to make one feel better about their apparent pitfall.

And so, it came as a surprise when I discovered that it has become somewhat legendary that should a Green Prinz car cross your path, it brings bad luck. That is, if it's full of nuns. These nun buses in fact are legend, long before Nuns on a Bus became something of a Big Deal in American politics and culture. [They even have a twitter account and hashtags, right up there with #PopeonaPlane!]

So, just one more thing to worry about on the roads of Bell' Italia...! Or as the picture I recently posted on my @IrreverentItaly Facebook Page read – ADULTS ON BOARD...We want to live too. 

Buona Fortuna!

Godfather Goodbye: Breaking down the Roman Rage over Funeral of a Mafia Boss

In posters hung around the church, il Boss
Vittorio Casamonica appears in papal
vestments bearing the caption
KING OF ROME

It's not like we don't know that the mafia lives and breathes down our collective necks and pretty much runs everything around us. Not a day goes by when Rome's Mayor doesn't pick a string - any string - from the grande ball that is Rome and unravels it only to find that it inevitably leads to some criminal, who, with their illegal buildings, waste removal contracts, human trafficking and beach resorts, live actually quite well for a malvivente, Grazie. It was one day earlier that his Administration nailed 59 ne'er-do-wells for a whole host of criminal dealings.

Look north, and in the city once termed Tangentopoli (Bribe City), the mafia contracts for the Milan Expo were uncovered but quickly dispatched out of sight, out of mind, just in time for inauguration day. Who said those Milanese were anything but efficient?

But this ostentatious funeral of a Gypsy King who ran prostitution rings, drug deals, and gambling and extortion pools was over-the-top. And I don't mean for the six black Clydesdales bringing up his gilded funeral carriage, nor even for the playing of the theme song to The Godfather which I actually found quite amusing. No, we're hopping mad for an entire card shark's deck of reasons:

1) The Traffic Tie-up -- Just like back in Imperial Rome and during Berlusconi's reign, all of a sudden cars came to a complete stop; blocked in traffic to make way for the funeral procession. In Italy, funeral processions rarely have the right of way, and certainly not one that shuts down roads for hours - while the black dark-windowed SUVs arrived to church. 

After a new electronics store, Trony, opened its doors on the day the iPhone came out causing the entire city to halt to a standstill, a judge forced them to pay the commuters who had filed suit and the City back as well.

Lucky for Mr. Casamonica, it's August and the streets are nearly empty. But on a normal day in September, his death would have truly stopped traffic cold. But not like anyone will ever ask La Famiglia to pay up for time spent stuck in traffic.  

City ordinance dictates that if you block public transport from continuing its course, you are fined something to the tune of thousands of euro per minute. Four buses had to discharge their passengers and sit to watch the entire spectacle. I'm surprised they weren't charged tickets. Despite this highway robbery, so to speak, I can just see the House of Casamonica countersuing the drivers for stopping along the roadside (also against the law so as not to favor prostitution) and no one even getting a blowjob. I can just imagine the lost revenues.

2) The Police Escort -- Adding insult to injury, the monolith cars were quadruple-parked in the streets, further blocking the traffic flow. But did anyone get a parking ticket? The traffic cops were there - paid for by the honest Romans who pay their taxes - but were tied up directing traffic for the Boss. 

Clearly, even though this Joe Shmoe doesn't pay taxes, he certainly loves the services they provide - at our expense. I'm wondering if we foot the hospital bill for his years of cancer to boot. Funny how that works.

Not to mention that if you or I double park these days, hefty fines are levied before a pigeon can even take aim at your car.

The police say they were 'directing traffic' and that no one "knew" for whom the bell tolled. Really? Just look up at the gigantic banners posted on the church just up ahead. Or, did they think that the Pope - with a nice dark tan - was coming to pay a visit?

3) The Church -- Okay, so we all love Pope Frank. But we also love him for his boldness in taking on prickly issues: the homeless, human trafficking, drug dealers, and the mob. Last year, he stated in no uncertain terms that anyone gaining their livelihoods by say, shortening others', should be ex-communicated. But the priest of Don Bosco church decided to look the other way, saying that of course, he could never - never ever - deny someone a proper funeral service. He also said he didn't know for whom he'd be saying mass. Oh really? Look out your stain-glassed window sometime. The banners showing exactly whom were up there since the morning. And besides, how are you going to talk about what a wonderful Padrino - errrr - father he was? You'd have to know at least his name. Our parish priest also said he didn't care what goes on outside his church, just inside. Well, then, clearly he needs to open the stack of mail on his desk in the sacristy...because he obviously missed the memo on ex-communication.

And we won't even go into this very church's denial of a proper funeral a few years back for a poor man, one Mr Welby. Stricken with such a case of severe muscular dystrophy, by the time he asked his respirator be removed, he was unable to move, eat or breathe on his own. Sound familiar? Oh yes. Just ask Pope John Paul II about removing respirators and "natural causes". He's a saint now - he may just give you an answer.

4) The Helicopter -- A helicopter hovered aloft and at just the right moment, out poured the rose petals - clearly signifying bloodshed, not purity (at least to this commenter). After all, it was a very tongue-in-cheek funeral. There are strict laws about aircraft over the city, about photographing things from overhead, and so on. No one was asked permission for this. But I'm sure if they had, they'd have been granted it. Don Vittorio's niece probably works in the licensing office. But if you or I so much as float a tiny drone overhead to take a picture of the umbrella pines, watch out. You'll be before a judge in no time. [I will note that they've suspended the pilot's license - you know, the guy who took off from Naples? Yeah. That'll deter him from future forays for sure].

The Gypsy Kings - Don Vittorio with Rome's former mayor Alemanno
at a dinner party in which the men all cut deals
on dealing with Rome's garbage (no pun intended).
Click here for the perfect metaphor for these pigs
feeding at the trough

5) Ignazio Marino, the mayor -- This is my own personal pet peeve. Certainly, The Buck Stops Here. But really? Generations of clan/politician pacts at the expense of honest Italians and the guy who's working on outing this graft one piece at a time is the one who gets the blame? Romans (and politicians from all colors who wish to maintain the status quo) in unison blame their mayor. But still. 
They would rather slide it under the carpet (see Milan Expo2015) along with the gazillion more dead-end uproars for the sake of omertà and the beauty of Bella Figura. Go figure. 

As for Don Vittorio? I guess routing this rot is not unlike Hercules having to clean the Augean stables.

#IStandbyMarino and wish him all the Best. It's a pretty thankless task.

Live links above in color.

Italy: The Best of 2013

Habitual readers of my blog will know that for years, I have posted a Tante Belle Cose monthly roundup of some of the terrific things that happened in and around Italy.  My readers are so cynical, that people barely glanced at the listings. And while there are millions of articles, blog posts, videos, files postings on all that is great with Italy, those who know me, see that I take a rather - errrr - 'different' approach. 
But, in the spirit of the festive season, and in the hopes that you, dear readers will actually for once read 'til the end, here is my year-end review of some terrific or zany things that happened in 2013 Bell'Italia:

• Jan/The Gemelli Hospital - A young boy's heart valve operation was entrusted to the head of the cardiac unit at this Vatican-run hospital; famous for working on Popes but even more famous for the miracles performed on children. I panicked when the Chief Cardiologist was under 40.  I mean, this is a country in which many kids are still (supposedly) hitting the books in their 30s. Instead, he is one of many of the renowned medical professionals operating in this country.  And while many more skilled and highly trained researchers, scientists, physicians have left for greener pastures, he (and his wife) remain the face of what Italy could be if the younger generation was given half the chance.

  

  from the UK's Telegraph

• Feb/Pope Francis - Anyone who reads my blog or my twitter feed knows I am no fan of religious institutions of any cloth. The abject hold over the hypocrite politicians by the Vatican State - a theocratic society where women are not allowed in any real power - is outrageous. But I love this Pope.  Since his election, taking real action against the corruption in his own house, the plague of pedophiles in his midst and with discourses that could be translated easily to much of Italian society, well, I hope someone is listening.  Heck-he even told his own clergy that their homilies were boring.  Add to that an American woman at the helm of his finance committee, and his selfie, let's hope we can all surf this tsunami of change.

• Mar/Berlusconi Convicted - Finally, justice was served, albeit lukewarm (he's still not served a day) after the courts have been trying to try him for years. He was found guilty of wiretapping a political rival. Incredibly, in Italy, the statute of limitations does not stop once court proceedings have been initiated. So Silvio's crack legal team just practices delaying tactics until the clock runs out.  For a pretty thorough FAQs of Silvio's trials, just click here. And, don't forget to drop in on my dedicated Silvio Show Page above!  As most commenters would remark, in any other country he'd have been long gone from politics.

• Apr/New Government Elected - While not much would change with a left-leaning government, at least we no longer had to live down the peccadilloes of our previous Prime Minister. It was liberating. Even more liberating was the party of defiance, under the helm of comedian & general disruptive force, Beppe Grillo, came to the fore in huge numbers. The media (wholly controlled by politicians) continues to dismiss him and his members, but let's face it.  In a country of self-professed sheep - I call them lemmings - it's heartening to see at least one person call out the politicians for the ongoing rape of their country.

• May/Life & Death in Pompeii - While the actual walls of places in Pompeii have been crumbling before our eyes, while Vesuvius still boils under the previously scorched earth, and while city officials decide - despite all indications to the contrary - that it's okay for people to dwell on its slopes, the world got treated to another mega-exhibition on this fabled place; the way exhibitions were intended - by the British Museum.  The show brought much of the story and traditions to life through the unique objects, including a magnificent table, never seen in public.  You can still pick through the timelines, the stories, the cult of Bacchus, you name it on their slick website.  Carpe Diem!  Here's the Eruption Timeline

• June/The Supermoon - It's hard to pick the most amazing shots of the Supermoon with Italy as it's front drop.  Just 'Google It' and stargaze for yourself.  

• July/Italy's first astronaut in space - My head still in the stars, with the arrival of the 203rd astronaut into outer space continues to astound us with his shots of the world at large (very large) and his twitter feed (@astro_luca) Thankfully, we did not lose him in late July when his helmet filled with water during his spacewalk.  More here.

An Italian astronaut in space always makes me giggle. That's due to the old yarn about the Pan-World Space Mission looking for the next astronaut to send to Mars.  They interview the best candidates from every viable nation.  In the final round, the American says he'll do it for $1M -leaving behind his wife & family for 3 yrs.  The Russian cosmonaut says he'll do it for $2M. The Italian waltzes into the interview, and declares that he'll do it for $3M.
The interviewer is astounded.  "What do you mean, these other countries have the finest programs on earth!" he exclaims.  The Italian leans over and says, "Don't you understand? A million for-a you, a million for me -- and dee American goes to Mars!"

• Aug/New places in Italy - I got to spend my August with my sister/niece & nephews on Italy's Adriatic coast.  And, the best part yet, was seeing places I've never been to before!  Of course, no trip is complete without paying a visit to my favorite town in all of Italy, Ascoli Piceno (not least for their olive ascolane, deep-fried stuffed olives washed down with cool white wine).  But I was pleasantly surprised by the towns above Pescara, the churches that were out of this world, and the markets actually included real Italian-made products.  Walks near the Gran Sasso made it all the more spectacular, and provided a welcome breath of fresh air from the August heat.

• Sept/Raising the Concordia - While none of us can get over the 'Hands in the cookie jar' defense of the indefensible Captain Coward of the Concordia, I was glued to its raising.  It was a feat of engineering, and while it was a multinational endeavor, the Italians had much to be proud of.  Certainly, spending all that money on this derelict ship just to send it for demolition left some wondering where our priorities were.  After all, hospitals are being closed all around us, schools are crumbling, and all this money is washed away at sea [granted, the operation did save the fragile environment underneath the ship.]  But compared to the outrageous purchase of dozens of fighter planes for a country that can't afford toilet paper for its students, well...it's hard to understand.  Nonetheless, I was glued to the screen, if for no other reason than accident porn.  

This is gonna be a tough one to set straight
From the inimitable genius of Gianni Falcone www.gianfalco.it 

More takes on the year of the Concordia conundrum:

Captain Coward 

Concordia's Deep Throat 

• Oct/Night at the Museum - Each October, we're treated to free admission & festivities throughout the country.  But in reality, these aren't the only times you can get into the most beautiful places on earth for a song.  There is a week each May as well, free nites on your birthday, and  bank collections and FAI heritage trust sites often open for free.  And all winter, there are free visits to the show in Rome of Augustus.

• Nov/ASRoma Football/Soccer - Fans saw the Rome team came back from years of mediocrity (despite their 37 yr old Captain's finesse on the field) to have a fleeting chance at no. 01.  The games have all been exciting, and there's more to come in January!  With an updated website - in English, no less - I follow a lot of the English football commentary for my play by plays, even on twitter.  It's great to see.  In November, we also saw the relaunch of Naples' Città della Scienza after being burnt to the ground by someone - most likely interested in developing the area, and not kids' brains.  [Full disclosure: We opened with one of the shows I represent from the USA, Brain: The World inside your head].

• Dec/Londinium - After leaving behind: the fab book event in which I introduced readers to many expat authors living in Italy (I'll be adding even more to the titles on my Book Page Tab above), the drab Christmas tree mounted in Rome's Piazza Venezia (and crucified on twitter), the mad grab of politicians for more money & perks as they force most of Italy into poverty and cripple companies, I saw that sometimes, things are the same all over.  Attending the terrific show of Fascinating Aida, we found that Brits are threatened by immigration, school teachers can't make a living wage, the bathrooms at London's Science Center, airports & other public places don't flush (but they do have toilet paper!), and the price of transportation is keeping people away - from everything and everyone else.  As they say in Italy, "Tutto il mondo è un paese - The whole world is just a village".

Buone Feste! To the habitual Readers of my blog, to all my peeps, and to my occasional voyeurs and (sadly, even fewer) occasional commenters!  See you in 2014.

Many live links throughout the post.

Pope John Paul II gets a stiff neck?

In my book I have an entire chapter dedicated to Do-Overs.  It comes hand in hand with an organizationally challenged populace.  I'll call the millions wasted in redoing things, from the italia.it website to the repaving of roads to removing hundreds of huge illegal billboards only to find them put up again, collateral damage.  After the wild polemic over Rome's Ara Pacis (although it has yet to be dismantled and redone), or the recent lawsuit in Venice over Calatrava's bridge, so it was no different for the imposing statue of our Pope John Paul II who in death helped unite Italy:  99.9% of Romans agreed that it was a monstrosity (that .1% represents the artist and the foundation which approved the commission of the piece).  You can cast your vote on what it looks like to you on my blog entry about the statue itself.
In any case, a recent trip by Rome's Termini Train Station, and I found the statue completely under wraps.  I immediately thought it mercifully had been removed. On the web, conspiracy theories (Italy's national pastime) of its fate (and our fortune) along these lines are running rampant.  Judging by some of the stories, it might well be that the artist is currently chiseling away to give our Pope a neck, as requested by the Mayoral committee selected to investigate the Jolly Green Giant in our midst. Without one in fact, the Pope looks like a massive refrigerator whose door has been torn off so little kids won't get stuck inside.

Picture from okrome.it 

Other stories state that the statue is simply being restored (mind you, after only one year) since having been put in place as a gigantic pigeon coop in front of Termini Station.  In fact, driving by it a few weeks prior, I was stunned to see that the bronze had completely corroded.  The artist states he is not, in fact, carving a neck out, but only changing something that got bent out of shape "during transportation".  Yeah right.  Like the original design got melted down into the Hulk (sans bulging appendages-which includes a scrag of some sort) during a huge highway pileup on the road over.  I think the finish has much more to do with the tens of thousands of swallows that nest in the trees nearby each season.  
Either way, our artist seems to have taken notes on green finishes from my personal pick for ugliest work of art on earth:  the two armless lime green women decorating the McGraw Hill building on New York City's Avenue of the Americas.
Well, it won't be over 'til the fat man sings.  In the meantime, our Pope already well on the road toward sainthood may produce a miracle of his own: and get the statue removed altogether -- perhaps to the suburbs of Rome, our beloved Mayor's favorite spot for some of the other eyesores in sight.


*colored bits above are live links to articles

Pope John Paul II - Dr. Evil in Disguise?

There has been a tempest in a humongous teapot (one about 4 meters high and cast in bronze) of the newly-placed statue of Pope John Paul II in front of Rome's Termini Station.  Let's just say that even in death, no one can deny that John Paul II was a figure who united all people.  And while contemporary art is always controversial, no less than 90% of La Repubblica readers agree that it should be removed - almost as quickly as he is to be made a Saint - subito.  As one commentator stated, here he is, looking like the inside of a church bell.  My picture doesn't do it justice, you see him here with his robe extended - one imagines it's to encompass us all.  But from my persepective, he's totally hollowed out as if he were a big fat C3PO waiting for new parts.
Googling all of the different angles of the statue, brought to mind other noted figures in our vast lexicon of cultural anthropology.  Every time I look at it, I can't help but think that it reminds me of someone else -- Take a look at my choices, and then, decide for yourself.
[For those reading elsewhere, if you go to my actual blog page, you will be able to see the pictures of his look-alikes]
Pope John Paul II as:

Stay Puft?

King Pin?

Dr. Evil?

Lenin?

or, my favorite...

A weight-loss sauna box?

As politician, Stefano Pedica of Italia dei Valori offered, perhaps we should use the cavernous section to post a sign of apology stating, "We truly wanted to render homage to the Holy Father, but we didn't succeed."   

Please google the pictures of the statue and then let me hear who it reminds you of most! 
Here's a nice article (just google translate it) on the 40 uses of the new statue - from a kebab stand to a new entrance for disabled to the underground subway...

Tante Belle Cose - Rome Travel April 2011

This April, spring had finally sprung and is filling the trees with that sweet jasmine and wisteria, giving Rome it's unparalleled sweet scent.  Rome was bustling with the preparations of Liberation Day (april 25th), the huge May 1st concerts held at San Giovanni, combined with the beatification of the Saint who lived amongst us, Pope John Paul II.  Not to be outdone, unions across the country continued their organization of major events -- rolling strikes affecting trains, buses and pretty much every other mode of modern convenience.  If the Pope could perform miracles, couldn't he vanquish the devil of modern protest?  Heck - he could just copy the Wisconsin Governor's approach.

Leaving for the USA this week, I was pleasantly surprised to find Rome Airport's Terminal 5 an absolute pleasure to behold.  I breezed in, was courteously helped out by all the wonderful women with - gasp! - could it be?  green Alitalia coats on assisting with humour and grace, the thousands gathering for their N.American flights.
I waltzed through security, striking up pleasant conversations with other passengers, including with the Italians amongst us, incredibly not trying to push ahead and cut in front of the crowd.  Miracles in our midst.
Even the airport internet connection was terrific, though it took awhile to determine how to reconnect after logging out of Telecom Italia's airport.
The flight was flawless and my only glitch was not seeing my friend patiently waiting in the salon at arrivals - used to drive-by pickups, I was out on the curb - she was inside, reminding me of all those charming Italian families usually gathered to meet and greet their loved ones back home.

Back in Italy, Rome announced a few measures to protect its citizenry: scooters could use the preferential lanes to try and speed things up and keep them from getting knocked down; drivers killing their targets -errr- pedestrians would be severely prosecuted for voluntary manslaughter and get hit with more jail time-seeing that it's reached war zone proportions (begging the question, we can spend billions for planes to protect Libyans, but we can't stop the war being waged against our own citizens?); the police are cracking down on under-age drinking in bars in the city centers and the late-night openings of locales.

Not to be outdone, the local residents are doing what they can - and waging their own spring street protests.

Tante Belle Cose: April in Rome & Italy

March may herald in gorgeous spring weather, but the best part about March is the preview it gives us on April events across the boot. March means we are treated to an onslaught of information about what’s in store once the trees are in full bloom and the wisteria & jasmine scents make you feel as though you're in a lovely perfume shop.  But once you've gotten your head out of the clouds and around the mis-marketing of those events, and maybe figure out how – if ever – to reserve a place online, you’re really good to get there, if not good to go in and enjoy them firsthand.

In Rome, April truly kicks off the tourist season – especially with so many making their pilgrimage to Vatican City for Easter. This month, a whole host of events surrounding Pope John Paul II’s ‘Santo Subito’ Sainthood – on May 1st are planned.  And, to make things easier, they’ve even devised a ‘Pope Pass’.  Fittingly called the PJPII PASS (and not the Italian, PGP...) it entitles you to unlimited transport on buses, a city tour on the ORP's yellow guided tour bus (just ignore the crummy audio) and other treats. Check out http://www.jpiibeatus.org/it/site/specialPass for more information.*

April 4-10 marks the ‘We’ve Named it in English so it Must be Good’ Week…or rather, ‘Restaurant Week’ [actually, I've been informed that it's an int'l organization thus the name]. You can enjoy 3-course gourmet meals provided by select restaurants for a fraction of the cost.  You can find info on participating ristoranti – errrr restaurants  – make that dining establishments at www.diningcity.com or www.restaurantweek.it .

**But, since I spent 40 minutes trying to make a reservation on DiningCity.com, save yourself the time&energy, & and simply follow my instructions-for-use posted in the comments below.

April is also the month we get a Week of Culture at Italy’s State-Owned Museums (usually, the Biggies – like the Colosseum or the Uffizi). Enjoy Free Entrance to the – WTF?! – most popular museums April 7-10th – A welcome event, sure, but one of those obtuse non-marketing practices whereby we don’t get enticed to discover the treasure troves of the little-known places filled with great works, but rather get to join the already-obscene crowds at the mobbed-on-a-slow-day-in-midwinter mass market houses of art.

As for me, I’ll try my luck taking in Agri-Culture that same week at the Fiera dei Cavalli, a showcase of thousands of horses, equestrian events, and all things ippo-related…Note to self: take an anti-histamine before leaving the house!

April wraps up with Rome's Birthday Celebrations (April 21st) and the Nation's Liberation Day festivities (April 25th) - see my blog entry about the tempest in a tatsa over this now-controversial festa.

But as for Belle Cose this past March, we were treated to Chocolate Festivals across the country. Hard to explain this right smack dab during lent, when probably everyone you know (well, at least women) has given it up. Yet another indication of the marketing prowess of my paesani. It's just one more sign from above as to how far astray the flock has in fact, strayed.
And so this March we were treated to the Cioccolatò Festival in Torino, featuring an entire country of monuments created in pure dark ambrosia, and in the spirit of equal time, another in the South – held in Vulcano Buono di Nola. And for those (most likely men) who gave up alcohol for lent, never fear – the devil awaits to tempt you at the 45th edition of Verona’s VinItaly held before Easter as well.

Perhaps it’s actually some sort of test of your willpower or a way to pay for indulgences – As for me, as I indulge in my umpteenth chocolate truffle, it certainly makes me think of the Divine...


* And for those of you daring enough to descend on Vatican City this April, don't forget to download my Audioguide narrated by the inimitable Art Historian Nun, Sister Wendy Beckett - for a complete tour of St. Peter's Basilica, the Vatican Museums & Sistine Chapel  www.touringtracks.com

Those Scandalous Brits

It may be because I just watched the movie, Scandal, a portrayal of the Profumo Sex Scandal of the 1960s that my head is on things Britannica...The whole while, like with the Clinton or Gingrich or fill-in-the-blank scandal, heck even the (scandalous because it took place at all) wedding of Rush Limbaugh, I just kept reminding myself that one needs to suspend their critical judgment: I don't mean about the film, I mean about the fact that any of these guys could ever get someone so hot to go to bed with them in the first place (well, Monica excepted).

So was I tickled as pink as a stripper's boa when reading the British headlines today:

This 25 yr. old jobless bloke (to avoid calling him what he really is, a total loser) has fathered 10 kids by 10 women (two on the way), paid for by the British taxpayer (and maybe upwards of 15 since he refuses to use condoms and clearly can't count that high). One look at him, and you cannot for the life of you fathom how he could have bagged anyone, let alone 10 of them. He must have found 10 women with a fetish for albino snakes.

This article was then followed by the piece reporting that Viagra would now be available at supermarkets at half the price.

I just have a few words of wisdom for all involved:

- For (very) Lucky Louie: If you really wanted your sperm out there, perhaps you could have sold it and earned some money from your exploits (of course, there's always a reality show waiting, co-starring Octomom)

- For the Ladies (term used loosely-in this case, real loose): No, coming forward with your story is not going to bring in gazillions.  In case you haven't noticed, he is NO Tiger Woods.

- For the British Govt: Am I the only one who thinks that you're going about things...a wee bit ass-backwards?? 

Perhaps the Pope's visit to the UK was a good thing after all:  Importing a bit more Italian catholicism and hey - maybe the birth rate would plummet to Italian levels.

The New Oprah?

I suppose because it worked for her, posting her image on every single issue of one of the most successful magazines in publishing, it could work for the Pope. After all, during the downtrodden days of a global recession, a general lack of spirituality, people leaving the flock...we need to put a face on inspiration. And not Oprah's New Age version of it either. No, we're talking a bit more Old Age. As in Testament. And so it is, that Pope Benedict XVI will be coming out with his very own calendar, His Grace gracing each page.
Here's a sneak preview:
Benedict greets his guests in his Sunday finest...Tiara and all.

Okay, everyone, now look under your seats! Keys to the Kingdom of God!

Showing off his fashion sense


Never a moment's rest for the leader of Christianity, but this is much better than the Flying Nun.



But, for those of you who would like something a little less lofty, and a bit more eye-catching, well, then there's always the Roman Priest Calendar, on sale at a newsstand near you...