Italy: Bribe City & More - Same Time Next Year

Per quest'anno, non cambiare, stessa spiaggia stesso mare...

Per poterti rivedere...per tornare quest' estate insieme a me.

E come l'anno scorso....Sotto gli ombrelloni, lontano, lontano nessuno ci vedrà

This year, don't change a thing...
Same sand - same sea
So to see you again and relive this summer again with me.
This season, like the last one....
Under the large umbrellas, out of sight, out of sight, no one will see us...

This summer the headlines have been filled day by day of the titillating stories of the millions upon millions in bribes that our dear political hacks and their cronies have been pocketing over the large construction projects going up around Italy. Especially scintillating, since Milan ("Bribe City" of yesteryear) and Venice, the supposed scandal-free serenissima, are the locations of such sculduggery [for Milan's Expo2015 and Mose - Moses water divider project in Venice].

And while people seem to be aghast at the breadth and depth of these particular scandals, I am always astonished by them for a number of reasons:  

First off, it is not the untold millions stolen from hospitals, or school kids, or the elderly that I find stunning: It is the fact that people still find it surprising when it happens (or maybe, justifiably, that they get caught at all with their grubby hands in the till).

Secondly, that people actually believe that pursuant to the events of 1992-1996 Tangentopoli-Bribe City that took place in Milan and (supposedly) rid the country of a rotten political class, that the country was on the mend. I, for the life of me, cannot fathom the extent to which Italians live in such a state of marked denial.  And they say we're pessimists here. Al contrario, this is either raging optimism or, I'm afraid, hopelessness and lack of faith in our institutions; the first symptom of a failing State.

I mean, this is a country where you have to pay a bribe to get your driver's license.

• Where families pay off doctors to get a bed in a hospital room.

• Where the clergy have been shown (thru Vatileaks) to be on the take from everything from catering a concert to running illegal funds for deposit in Switzerland.

• Where people I know, from someone selling pencils to companies or someone building bank branches, have to pay someone off in order to seal the deal, large or small.

Moreover, people still are wont to believe that if we pay politicians (including low-life city councilmen) twice as much as U.S. Presidents, more than every other European country, shower them with perks, per diems, apartments and chauffeurs, that this would dissuade them from stealing from the pot. Not so.

As a former Wall Street trader put it, the more you rake in, you become addicted to getting even more, by any means possible.

But the one thing that irks me no end, is that, with all their oodles of money, (almost) nowhere do you see Foundations, University Chairs, Hospitals, et.al. being named after someone who cashed it in. At least our Robber Barons left us a few choice universities, innumerable foundations, hospitals, even abroad.  In Rome, even the founder of Kodak built a dentistry hospital. Do you see anything but villas and a generation of women with fishlips that Berlusconi has left as a legacy? He's just a regular Bill Gates, alright. Except that instead of vaccinating Africans, he started his very own training program: to teach Ghedaffi's Woman Guard how to Pole Dance.

No, these criminals and, sadly, the public at large, expect 'The State' to take care of it all. Really? After you've stolen all the public money? Again, citing a recent article about America's 1%:  The problem is, these people, with all their money, will still only be able to buy so many shoes (unless, of course, you're Imelda Marcos). By taking the money from millions, millions of sales are lost. Companies fold. Everyone loses. I've been inside Senator's houses that could be free-standing museums. Sadly, the works stashed away and hidden from cameras are never bequeathed to the public when the patron's free-wheeling ways and days come to an end.  And yet, we still believe. Year in and year out.

- Wasn't that Moses contraption supposed to divide the waters?
-  Yeah-but for now, it's only divvying up the bribe money.

The Fiamme Gialle financial police who uncover these crimes deserve a Shout Out from each and every honest Italian. But still, check out the bank accounts of any purchasing dept head in any company in Italy; there's still more to find, year after year, after year.

And, now, I'll close with another song lyrics that aptly portrays this new rendition of Bribe City:

Second verse, same as the first -- but a whole lot louder and a whole lot worse! 

Pope John Paul II gets a stiff neck?

In my book I have an entire chapter dedicated to Do-Overs.  It comes hand in hand with an organizationally challenged populace.  I'll call the millions wasted in redoing things, from the italia.it website to the repaving of roads to removing hundreds of huge illegal billboards only to find them put up again, collateral damage.  After the wild polemic over Rome's Ara Pacis (although it has yet to be dismantled and redone), or the recent lawsuit in Venice over Calatrava's bridge, so it was no different for the imposing statue of our Pope John Paul II who in death helped unite Italy:  99.9% of Romans agreed that it was a monstrosity (that .1% represents the artist and the foundation which approved the commission of the piece).  You can cast your vote on what it looks like to you on my blog entry about the statue itself.
In any case, a recent trip by Rome's Termini Train Station, and I found the statue completely under wraps.  I immediately thought it mercifully had been removed. On the web, conspiracy theories (Italy's national pastime) of its fate (and our fortune) along these lines are running rampant.  Judging by some of the stories, it might well be that the artist is currently chiseling away to give our Pope a neck, as requested by the Mayoral committee selected to investigate the Jolly Green Giant in our midst. Without one in fact, the Pope looks like a massive refrigerator whose door has been torn off so little kids won't get stuck inside.

Picture from okrome.it 

Other stories state that the statue is simply being restored (mind you, after only one year) since having been put in place as a gigantic pigeon coop in front of Termini Station.  In fact, driving by it a few weeks prior, I was stunned to see that the bronze had completely corroded.  The artist states he is not, in fact, carving a neck out, but only changing something that got bent out of shape "during transportation".  Yeah right.  Like the original design got melted down into the Hulk (sans bulging appendages-which includes a scrag of some sort) during a huge highway pileup on the road over.  I think the finish has much more to do with the tens of thousands of swallows that nest in the trees nearby each season.  
Either way, our artist seems to have taken notes on green finishes from my personal pick for ugliest work of art on earth:  the two armless lime green women decorating the McGraw Hill building on New York City's Avenue of the Americas.
Well, it won't be over 'til the fat man sings.  In the meantime, our Pope already well on the road toward sainthood may produce a miracle of his own: and get the statue removed altogether -- perhaps to the suburbs of Rome, our beloved Mayor's favorite spot for some of the other eyesores in sight.


*colored bits above are live links to articles

Traveling to Italy? Don't get taken for a Ride

Before the (thankfully) inimitable TrenItalia took hold of Italy's national train company (and shook the Italians down in the process), I practically lived on Italian trains. For over 15 years, I travelled the swathe of the boot on average 6 days per week.  In a country that prides itself on the human contact, I enjoyed every minute of it.  
But then TrenItalia decided that train fares could be hiked up to meet "European levels" even though Italian salaries stayed put precisely at the salary level I had in my second job -- at the age of 23.  
But, every now and again, I am forced to take the trains to one appointment or another, and I will be first to admit that I love going city center to city center, the hassle-free service (except if you're actually carrying luggage), sleek trains and even bustling train stations.  But, every now and again, you must also conduct a quick reality check, and remind yourself that it's not just the illegal and shoddy 'taxi drivers' offering you a ride who wish to separate you from your money: you need to be quite aware of the next sneaky deal that TrenItalia is trying to put past you.
Nowadays, you get much faster service if you simply purchase your train tickets at one of the dozens of automated machines perched throughout nearly every station.  Believe me, it's faster than attempting to purchase over the internet, whereby you will get timed out, have to register, and, if you're a foreigner, not be able to retrieve your tickets...once you've submitted your firstborn child's social security number.
When attempting to take a slow (read: inexpensive) train to Florence or Naples, I kept getting hood-winked.  I'd input the destination and up would pop a number of trains, all coming in at the most expensive price.  Because I had checked the train schedule online, I was certain this could not be the case.  But, thinking that the local and often faulty trains perhaps had been discontinued, I carried on paying the piper.
Until one day, I noticed, at the bottom of my screen, a few choice words:  TUTTE LE SOLUZIONI or, in English, ALL SOLUTIONS (or perhaps, ALL TRAINS).  I clicked.  Suddenly, up popped all those missing cheap trains I had seen on the website.
So, if you're not in a hurry and don't care about having an internet connection, but actually just want to enjoy a comfortable ride in a proper wagon with other passengers where you will almost always have a convivial conversation with those around you, try this.  
You heard it here first.  And, you probably won't hear it anywhere else.  (Except TripAdvisor Forums!)

Francesca Maggi's Strange But True!

What with a government in free fall, a hooker with a ‘get out of jail free card’, November rains darkening the entire boot since well, November, Amanda Knox the book coming out alongside victim Meredith the movie, a sleazy crime & multiple cover-ups in Italy’s south, and the falling down of a Pompeian complex – the Domus of the Gladiators - you’d think things couldn’t get stranger.  Not so, Italy.

Here’s a list of some of the even more outrageous happenings around town:

While another Italian institution – the sacred one of marriage – is also in free fall, “they” hosted a convention on ‘La Famiglia’.  The guest of honour?  None other than that twice-divorced, constantly cavorting Lothario-wannabe (‘cuz I don’t truly believe he gets all that action), Berlusconi?  Really?!!  Or, meglio,‘stai scherzando??!!’

He bowed out due to his latest fiasco – that’s why?  What an example.  It’s as if Bernie Madoff was asked to be the guest of honor on a Wall Street Ethics convention.

Another institution, that of the ‘macho’ football players, seems to be having it’s own coming out party.  A prominent gay football reporter claims to have had sex with a number of players, all of whom are seen regularly accompanied by their hottie groupies, their model wives, and so on.  Even in Germany, talk of being openly gay in the football realm is on the table.  Could it be?  It would at least confirm what we’ve longed suspected every time a goal is made…

While in Venice, signs are posted all over town – well, over half the town at least – imploring the Mayor to “do something”.  Stating (or, rather, in that very wonderful Italian way), understating that the City has been divided by a bridge…The marvelous looking but poorly designed Calatrava bridge, no less.  I thought the debate surrounding the signs meant, like the one over the Ara Pacis still raging in Rome, that half the city didn’t like the bridge for its look [Lest you think it’s over the inconveniencing 7 million tourists who come by bus, car or train who then have to lug their luggage up the steps for lack of a simple gliding ramp, think again].

Turns out, the retailers who, for the last 1500 or so years (give or take a few), have gotten the tourist dollar as the aforementioned tourists dragged their bags past their doorways, are upset.  The bridge now provides a groovy short cut around the obstacle course and now different retailers are getting the tourist dollar (or yen, as the case may be).

So, what do they truly want their Mayor to do?  Dynamite the bridge?  Let’s hope he doesn’t follow the Mayor of Rome's example and start saying he’ll tear it down, brick by brick.  But, I won’t complain if in the end he reaches an architectural compromise – like Alemanno did, and adds the luggage ramp.

Tourism in Italy - Petroleum or Quicksand?

Italian Customer Service (see sign upper left) - in the old Stazione Tiburtina

Just ask the guy on the floor for info, or... pray.

 A lot had been made awhile back over the Japanese tourists who got taken for a ride in Rome at the Passetto ristorante near Piazza Navona:  They were overcharged for every item on their meal, and then the proprietor added a random 135 euro tip for his efforts.  In typical Italian fashion, the restaurant was shut down until the dust settled, and reopened a few days later – just in time for them to pull the same trick on another young Japanese couple. They learned their lesson, though – they did not put in a line item called tips, but changed it to 84 euro in misc. taxes. So much for repentance. The Japanese press had a field day -- so much so, Italy's Minister of Tourism offered to have the travelers back...(at taxpayers', not the Passetto's expense--they demurely declined the invitation).

In fact, while millions each year have a wonderful holiday in the Bel Paese, the more vocal ones will often admit that the country was sensational, the food and people even better, but the hassles of navigating the constant barrage of ripoffs were frustrating at times. Sometimes, if you visit travel Forums, you’ll find the odd person who says, “Never again.”

My sister has been coming to Italy since she was 2 years old. Since she was 16, it’s a biannual occurrence, never faltering even after the birth of four children. She loves this country, speaks the language, and will continue to come back (except Venice), as I’m sure will her kids. She knows to expect the almost daily ripoffs as part of your tourist experience. This particular summer she spent a phenomenal 40 days traveling through Italy – this is a brief recount of some of the ways Italy is a bit less hospitable. (see Tante Belle Cose for the great parts):

- Contacting the luxury homes to rent in the center of Florence, the place they rented 2 years ago responded to her emails after 3 weeks’ time and after they had already negotiated on a wonderful flat – and it was even less. With a family of 6, in Italy, they are often quoted a per person fee, rather than a per room charge, which could signify upwards of a $450 per night price tag on a room with 2 beds anyway. In the end, the agency came up with a series of excuses so as not give her back her deposit on the apartment. She is still waiting to see if the money will be credited back to her account.

- They rented a car to visit Volterra, where they had filmed the Twilight sequel. The gas gauge was broken, so, they actually had no idea how much gas was in it to start, and were worried they’d be charged extra for filling the tank when they returned the car. In fact, from the amount of money they put into the tank, it would appear the car was given to them on empty. Naturally, there was no way to return the car after hours, and they hoped that they would not be charged an extra day as a result. They are still waiting for their credit card bills to verify all charges.

- In Venice, of course, you are forced to pay close to $100 in advance for a 30 minute gondola ride. The thing is, the gondolier pulls in after only 20 minutes, and you cannot protest nor get a refund on being shorted your ($33) 10-minute excursion.

- In Rome, she pulled out a 5 euro bill to purchase three €1 bus tickets. The tickets were marked in large red print, 5 euro, but as a promotion for Zoomarine, although this was unclear. The cashier told her it would be 15 euro. She asked, for 75 minute tickets?? Sì. 15 euro later, she had her three 1 euro tickets and change from a 20 euro bill.

- Travelling to Sicily, they needed to pay (cash) for their beach apartment, which was exceptional in every way. They decided to change their dollars at a local bank. The first bank wouldn’t change their money because they didn’t know them. The second wouldn’t change their money in its entirety, and so on, until they finally managed – going to three towns in over 3 hours -- to change their (obviously laundered) dollars.

- On Lake Turano in the Sabine hills, the proprietor was too busy chatting with his buddies to rent out peddle boats. The only tourists there, after about 20 mins, we finally pleaded with him to let us take them out.

- Back in Abruzzo, the kids couldn’t wait for their biannual pilgrimage to the Roccaraso crepe man. Obviously angry they asked for crepes, he refused to hand over extra plates or napkins (try that with nutella!).
- At the wonderful family movie theater there, there were no reduced prices for young children. She managed to convince them to give her a discount, and, in a case of showing true Italian hospitality (and recognizing that 4 children families are a rarity in Italy), they obliged her for the two youngest.
- The fully equipped and excellent service provided by the tourist office was great, except that it’s hidden away in a Comune office or library, far away from the spots where a tourist might actually be seeking information; although there were plenty of cute wooden shacks lining the main strip, calling themselves Tourist Information – all closed.

- To meet my sister, I arrived by train to Sulmona, to take a fabulous bus service to Roccaraso. Run by the FS, by the looks of it, I was unsure whether I was actually getting a lift, or getting kidnapped (having jumped in an unmarked van with two guys and a piece of paper stuck in the window indicating the wrong destination). Although they arrived late, I arrived early to my destination – faring better than the English couple who had tickets for a similar service; the locals told them the service no longer exists and they ended up calling a taxi (the newsstand guy took pity on them, after the FS ticket guys feigned ignorance, and made the call for them).

- Attempting to enroll her youngest in a Summer Campo Sportivo, she called the number posted on (the few) posters there. The woman said she had nothing to do with it, couldn’t give us information and never called back to give us the number of her business partner. Despite sending various sms messages, we never got a call back and we never did enroll Luca in tennis camp.

- The fireworks displays (usually something that children enjoy), scheduled for 9pm, were stunning – but the show went on well after midnight.

- Following signs for the Giornate Medioevali in Fornelli (Isernia), we arrived to discover that events took place at night (perhaps Notti Mediovali would have been more appropriate?).
True to form, most promotional posters of events across the country do not indicate phone numbers, websites or tourist info like starting times on them, so, it was truly anyone’s guess. We used internet and read articles about past events in order to get the idea; migrating to google maps to identify the locations.

- After an amazing day going up to the awesome tourist stop, la Grotta del Cavallone, we had to take the lifts back down. Waiting our turn, the kids were greeted to the monty of Italian women – nude posters straight out of a Harley mechanic's garage -- in full view. Enjoy your trip!

- Finally, on her way out of Rome, ordering a taxi to the airport, the taxi arrived with 12 euro on the meter (we had reserved ahead of time and after much pressing to get the fee base straight, were told they are not allowed to do that – information given begrudgingly by the taxi operator). Stating that we called for 5am and not 5:15, he refused to start the meter over. At an extra 8 euro per passenger, these fees do, indeed, add up to huge profits for the drivers.

Not a day goes by without a politician or business person acknowledging that Tourism is Italy’s Petroleum industry. By the looks of it, at times it would seem that Italians in the tourism industry are digging for their petroleum using sandbox shovels.

Travel in Italy: The good, the bad, the ugly

Francesca Maggi's...Strange But True!

Returning home to Rome from Venice yesterday, a very strange item caught my eye (and I don't mean one of the godawful exhibits from the Biennale): Since Venice seemed to have hit the trifecta what with the Regata Storica with the Corteo delle Barche Storiche, the Cinema Festival (with appearances by Nicolas Cage, George Clooney & even Michael Moore -- not that he's something to look at...but...) and the Biennale of Art, turns out that a number of additional trains were added to ease the pain of the journey. In fact, a friend most likely missed his train, but there were about 4 more shortly thereafter to choose from. So what's my beef?
These trains were paid for by the City of Venice and not quickly added because of a swift move by an astute business manager at Trenitalia. I know this should be an entry in my Business Weak column, but I just couldn't wait. Too bad the City probably doesn't make the money back on the train tickets.

There's been a lot of talk about the Vatican these days, but, what was really interesting, was the little piece of news this summer of the parish priest who went on a hunger strike in order to drum up parishioners.
Perhaps instead he should be looking at some outreach programs to actually attract his flock rather than doing the religious equivalent of sitting on a railroad track while hoping someone higher up solves the problem.

While in Milan, they continue their mad drive to brighten their image. Incredibly, even for a vocal non-smoker like me, the City has made a move to ban smoking in public parks. Whether this molto Big Brother move actually passes, I can't say, but...I think it's a bit over the top.

And finally, I finally got to see and use Venice's spanking new bridge over the Grand Canal! [that's because the boats were stopped due to the Regata...]. Stunningly designed by the sometimes-talented Santiago Calatrava, it was a sight to behold. It links the parking structure place (Piazzale Roma with it's dozens of bus lines and transporters) with the railway station. Calatrava obviously let the anti-luggage geniuses over at Trenitalia dictate the design -- for anyone who needs to schlep their luggage, or glide over on a wheelchair, just forget it. No center ramp easing your way up the incline for you. (just ask me or any Japanese tourist, who needs a sherpa when traveling).

Bad News for Travelers to Italy

Well, it looks like the recession is in full swing, taking its ugly toll on those that we love the most…the tourists. Italy depends on them for much of the GNP, and yet, here we are, shaking them down to their very last centesimo. As the school of thought goes, ‘what the heck, we’ll never see them again!’ Hardly. Given the ease of travel these days, and the even easier, internet-as-word-of-mouth, you’d think people in the hospitality world would be a tad more…hospitable.

Last week, my favorite satirical show, Striscia la Notizia went undercover in Venice and found (gasp!) that restaurants had two price levels -- one for Italians and one for tourists. Just like in Bangladesh and Nepal. Now every traveler to Venice knows that the gondolas are over-priced, and that the price is even higher for the unsuspecting Japanese tourists, but what they don’t always know is that you’re forced to pay in advance for your 30 minute ride, which then brings you back to terra ferma in under 20. Ditto for the boat rides around Lake Como. And the new head of Italy’s ENIT tourism board wonders why Italy has service issues.

A pizzeria across from where I have always stayed in Venice (and have been dozens of times), first refused to seat me and my (Italian) cousin, then, sat 6 tables of locals after us, then told us we could only order pizza, while they served meat & fish dishes to the others (and we were speaking Italian!). An article went on to explain that many a Venetian albergo ranks at the top of travel sites' Worst Hotels' listings.

Meanwhile, American friends in Rome frequent a ristorante just off Via del Corso. Each time they go, they find a ‘mistake’ in their bill, never to their advantage. And while I, for one, have more often than not enjoyed a sublime limoncello offered by the house, I still wonder why I’ve never gotten a bill where the error was in my favor.

Last week, I took my mother & her husband out to lunch to a charming Osteria in Frascati. Hosteria San Rocco. We were treated to an exquisite homemade cacio & pepe (my favorite Roman dish), good wine and great service. We ordered a pasta & contorno (veggie), posted on the blackboard for €8. Once the bill came, however, we found we’d been charged 10. When I mentioned the “error”, I was accosted (well, that was after I took a photo of the board), and unceremoniously told to get out & leave the country. But they did give me all my money back, although I insisted that was unnecessary. I guess a little Italian and a camera go a long way.


My conclusion? If you’re traveling to Italy, double check the tab, don’t be afraid to speak up (and for cab drivers who turn off the meter, just walk away). And don’t waste your money on a gondola ride unless it has been raining for 6 weeks and it’s your only means of transportation off the island. The bitterness of the ripoff will most likely eclipse the romantic 20 mins. you spent wandering the canals. Besides, there’s always Vegas. Oh -- and...don’t forget to have your camera handy.

Under Wraps

One of my most favorite columns ever pre-blogosphere, that is, was the article by humorist Dave Barry on his trip to Italy. I still have a copy of it as it nearly killed me with laughter. It was mostly about the Italian drivers he came across during his holiday, but he also stated something so obvious I had never thought about it before:

August is a time when everybody in Italy goes on vacation – including the statues – and every building seems to be wrapped up, under restoration.

It's true: every July, for some strange reason, builders across the boot are busy as bees putting up scaffolding and tarps across pretty much every façade in sight. They give one hope -- a nation intent on showcasing its cultural treasures for all the world to see. But come August 1st, they only call it quits -- leaving the tourists with a cute little ‘Name that Palazzo’ game to play over their summer holiday.

I can’t figure out the rationale, other than getting set to go come September. But, once again, in a country dependent on tourism, you sometimes gotta scratch your head in wonder.

But, applying my own little conspiracy theory…from the looks of it, it would seem that while the workers may be officially on holiday, they’re all double-dipping in and around the very scaffolding that should be as still as a humid Milan summer’s night. Because come fall, when work resumes, and they eventually rip down the tarps, neighbors who once had a perfect view of that dome in the distance, now see a 4 bedroom party palace for some amico or another of some unnamed City official.

I suggest someone start making those groovy little books with the plastic drawings overtop so you can see what the Building looked like before August, and compare it to what it looks like now.

picture of Torre dell'Orologio in Venice's St. Marks Square, designed by famed photographer, Olivero Toscani who obviously figured, if they can bring Venice to Vegas, they can certainly set Pisa in Piazza San Marco

May in Italy: Rules for the Road

This May, Italy took a few steps forward on its march toward user-friendliness – something good for residents and tourists alike:

- FREE PARKING The City of Rome lost a lawsuit pursued by the consumer associations (a miracle in and of themselves) regarding the famous ‘strisce blu’; the blue lines defining pay parking all around town. Ignore the meters in bliss. They don’t want your money. (And, wonders of wonders, those millions of parking tickets will also be reimbursed! So, it really is just like in Monopoly).

It was seconds before the word on the street was that the City did not really care whether they lost the case or not: Turns out, the wife of the mayor’s rival, Rutelli, owns the concession and pockets 22M euro of the 27M earned annually.
Although something must be said for the increase in smog, traffic, and once again, the cost of undoing what's been done (they're busy taking down the parking meter signs as I type), no matter, we consumers win out on this one (but, enjoy it while it lasts)…
- NO LOITERING Florence & Assisi have spearheaded initiatives to rid Italy’s most beautiful (and most visited) places of beggars.

Unfortunately, these spears are double-edged: it also means you can’t take in the sun, eat a sandwich, or read a guidebook whilst near the monuments either. We’ll see how it’s enforced.
Naturally, the Vatican chimed in on the right of the poor to collect alms.
No problems there, but, as a friend pointed out yesterday, one guy who goes up & down the trains to Salerno asking for handouts rents in August the lawyers’ beach apartment next door to hers…

- PLEASE DON’T FEED THE PIGEONS

Venice took a bold step and revoked the vendors’ licenses of those who provide bird seed for the pigeons in St. Mark’s Square. The vendors complained that they provided a tourist attraction service, and it’s unfair. And, while I commiserate for those who are losing their livelihoods, I kind of agree with Woody Allen on this one (that pigeons are merely rats with wings).

Of course, if they hadn’t gotten rid of all the cats the city wouldn’t be so inundated with the tons of bird poop to clean off its squares and buildings in the first place.

A Word from the Brits

Recently, an article made the headlines ‘round the world of the best & worst sites to visit according to Virgin UK. And, while the conclusion was obvious – if you follow the crowds you’ll always be disappointed – even I had to agree, that the Eiffel Tower & Times Square were pretty big letdowns, especially if you go to either place for New Year’s Eve (I have). What caught the Italians by surprise, is that three of their sites made the top 10. So, just to sort of compare notes with my Caveat Emptor column on the left, well, I couldn’t agree more.

The MUST SEE list included Venice’s Grand Canal. While the expense of riding up and down it is approaching UK congestion tax fees (with the current horrid exchange rate), I must say, I have never ever been even tempted to pick up my newspaper or a book whenever I’m on a ferry boat riding the Grand Canal. If you do, you feel like your ripping off your very own senses.

On the list of disappointments, the Spanish Steps came in at number 6. And, while they’re not much to look at, they make a great place for people-watching, even though, you’re probably being watched even more by all the pickpockets roaming around there. What’s really worth having a look at there, though, is the McDonald’s. I was around when it first opened in 1986—they had to make it conform to the beauty of the square (even though the Micky D’s smell stlll was intentionally pumped out into the square – you should have heard the retailers’ protests way back when!). Well – with its mosaics and fountains and ceramic tiles, to this day, I still want to hang a banner down the front of it, alà Greenpeace, which declares, “Real McDonalds don’t look like this.”

My BIG disappointment, The Leaning Tower of Pisa, came in at number 10. And, while it’s loads of fun to take those pictures which look like you’re holding it up, can’t you do that nowadays with Photoshop?

But, incredibly, even Leonardo made the ranking. At number two of the disappointments, was the Louvre – now, I think that’s a bit of British envy – the problem there is the crowd, and, anathema to the Brits, the fact that one must actually pay a King’s Ransom to see the Emperor’s treasures. But, the Mona Lisa a big letdown?

I must say, the first time I saw it, behind a crowd of people and under plexiglass, I didn’t even stop to try and see it. But, now that it has its very own room, well, I think it’s all about expectations. Clearly, people thought it would be who knows what, when in fact, it’s just a simple portrait that even Leonardo didn’t complete until years after the sitting.
In short, it’s when you get off the very beaten path, well, you will be amazed at every turn in the road and what you’ll find on every hilltop. And, if you stop for lunch, well, you will never be disappointed. Except, I’d say, in Venice.

To see my lists of great sights or sites to avoid, just click the link.

End of the Plague in Venice

Last weekend I went to Venice to celebrate the end of the Black Plague. All in all, we were about double the 50000 survivors back in the day. Party boats with ghetto blasters cruise the canals until late in the evening, until so many are 'parked' in the laguna it looks like an absolute parking lot!

Near midnight, we are then treated to a full 1hr. fireworks display, the likes of which I've only seen at Disneyland (although their time, like 20mins.).
The only glitch was when the Leonardo-inspired boat bridge we crossed to have lunch in Giudecca lost a juncture, but, those efficient Venetians allowed us to board boats back for free.

We ate & drank well (in Venice??!!!), even after the evil restaurateur took us for tourists and told us, alá Seinfeld Soup Man that first we couldn't sit down (he sat about 4 tables of locals after us), and then that we could only order pizza. The pizza was excellent, but, as we finished, he brought all the Venetian specialties we had originally ordered to the next table over.

Ya gotta believe it's a tourism-based economy...Keep the faith.

Caveat Emptor - Tourist Traps in Italy

DRINKS IN THE MAIN SQUARE OF ANY CITY IN ITALY – A word for the wise: just don’t ‘go there’. The price you’ll end up paying will bring you straight down from any high you get from your surroundings. Call me cheap, but, I’ve paid up to $25 for two bowls of ice cream in Piazza Navona, and $17 for two hot chocolates in Milan.

ROMA - Finally, you can go up on top of the huge white Vittorio Emanuele Monument, even have a drink and get great views (free entrance). But, in a country where there is no ‘free lunch’, they’ll charge you €7 ($10) just to take the elevator up there.

The Audioguide at the Colosseum – just don’t bother – at Italy’s most popular monument, it’s unlistenable, and, after waiting in line, you’ll have to wait again with all the anglo-saxons to demand (and unbelievably, receive!) a refund (the Italians, keeping to tradition, just put up with the injustice).

Two hours only in the Borghese Gallery — citing ‘security’ reasons, due to the fact that not more than a 180 people are allowed upstairs, everyone is literally thrown out by the bouncers after 2 hrs. To solve it: hand-held counters (price $2.99) to just count the people upstairs, but no dice. Too many ‘interests’ want to keep it that way (after all, they make 15% of the obligatory reservations). So, instead of enjoying yourselves in what is arguably the most beautiful place in Rome, you’re stressed for time even there.

CITY BUS TOURS – great for the views, forget the audio. You won’t have to think about that, though, because once aboard, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a unit that actually produces sound. One positive note: stick the pods in your ear, and listen to the static, it’s almost like those white noise programs of rainfall.

FLORENCE – At the Uffizi Gallery for political reasons, they want to keep those lines 3 hrs. out the door, when they could just have you go right in with time ticketing (but, don’t count on this changing with modern technology -- the Uffizi is run by an ex-Minister of Culture who thinks that museums shouldn’t even be open to the public).

THE PRINCE'S WALK – The walkway and portrait gallery designed by Vasari which extends from the Palazzo Vecchio to Palazzo Pitti. Although you can spend 3 hrs there, it will take at least as many months to make your reservation. Cost: €70 (nearly $100). Have they never been to the (free) National Portrait Gallery in London?

PISA — I’ve yet to meet a tourist who felt their time there was worth the visit. It’s an ugly, boring town, and if you want to see the artworks inside the buildings, you are literally shaken down by the church. Don't go, and say ya did.

VENICE — If it weren’t for its beauty and romanticism, the entire city would be black-balled by me for the Tourist Trap that it has become. Look at it closely: it is the future of all of Italy: a tourism-based economy, which, instead of catering to their ‘guests’, takes advantage of you at every corner (or in this case, little bridge). This year, gondola rides went from about $90 for 50 mins. down to 40 minutes (same price). But, they make you pay first then slowly glide in at around 30 mins. all the same.
The Gondoliers were recently on strike to protest these rates and their 'excessive working hours'.
This same disservice is prevalent on Lake Como and their motorboat rides.

ASSISI – In the Basilica, just ignore the pious ‘brother’ who screams & hollers at all the visitors to keep quiet. Care to defend yourself, he’ll throw you right out. The biggest defamation to St. Francis’ Message of Peace that I have ever witnessed. Underneath your feet, Francis is no doubt dizzy from rolling in his grave.

As for brotherly love, the friars on the hilltop don’t ‘get along’ with the city officials nor the friars at the bottom—in what amounts to centuries of disharmony here. Giotto even crafted right in the Basilica a beautiful picture of this schism which Francis tried to put right. Looks like it didn’t last, but God bless him for trying.

The rest of the town leaves much to be desired (aside from its charm). Tacky souvenir shops line the streets selling Chinese knock-offs of what were once hand-crafted Italian works.

RENTAL CARS — Don’t even think of heading to your hotel in any City Center during the day to unload your bags or park. The hidden cameras are popping bulbs from photographing your license plate. Months after the joy is gone, you’ll be hit with fines in every town you dared enter as a tourist; in what amounts to a ‘Tourist Tax’ for the City Coffers.