Tante Belle Cose - Sept 09

September always starts out with a bang, and in our Buone Notizie category, September doesn't disappoint here either.

One of the best news in town is that the Attico (rooftop apartment/terrace) that a B star built overlooking the Colosseum was actually torn down. Let's see if the trend continues...or if, it's only valid for certain people on certain days.
Judging from the amount of buildings that have gone up all over Rome, she obviously didn't have connections in high places.


400,000 Romans had reason to rejoice when their parking tickets issued up until 2004 were given an amnesty, of sorts. They only have to pay the original fine.
Let's see if any will actually cough up the cash.

Thousands of Colfs (those wonderful women mostly from Eastern Europe and the Philippines) who spend their days and nights looking after old people and babies got registered to stay legally in Italy in another amnesty.
It's great to see that the Italian government knows that without these women (and some men), the aging population would be left to their own demise -- and, considering there are not enough structures to support the aged, well, it would be costly, indeed to provide assistance.

And, in a surprising sight to see, you can now purchase basic reading glasses (even a bit snazzy) at newstands around town.
Why does this make the news? Because a few years back, stores, seemingly market-driven, started selling the eyeglasses. The Pharmacist unions started striking and protesting and hooting and hollering about how it was 'unfair competition'...(Huh??!!) and threatened their monopoly status. The glasses went off the shelves.
It would appear that the wily news agents are either more powerful or simply pulling the wool over the pharmacists' eyes on this one. Either way, consumers have a right to rejoice. Oh -- and the best news yet? Yours for only €9.90!!!

You Go Frau!

In honour of the German elections, I thought I'd post a few campaign posters on my blog -- this, in the hopes that a few German photographers might take the impetus and, instead of suing me for posting them on my blog, just run down to Italy and start offering their services...

I for one would be happy to vote for anyone who finally came up with a shot of an actual humanoid & a slogan that said something...


Did I say human?

Business Weak

Giving you the latest and greatest in the Italian business world...

Shana Tova!
Just in time for the Jewish New Year, the GS Supermarket chain store, released their fabulous new wines...labelled with the effigies of Hitler and Mussolini. Thankfully, it took a French tourist to file a complaint and they were removed from the shelves.
GS now owned by French company Carrefour, the French obviously still haven't come to terms with their past...

Italia's Lazarus
Providing equal opportunity for religions, Berlusconi has revived from the dead his 40+ million euro quagmire of a website, www.italia.it .
Wondering what his buddy, Stanca, and the folks at IBM got paid off -- errr -- paid to put this two-bit disgrace back online.

Fine Fiumicino
Looks like the baggage companies are being hit with fines of 2000 euro for bag mishandling, which, aside from costing the carrier, hits Rome's image, big time. So far, 150 have been issued. The administrator said that if it were up to him, he'd have given them fines of 100,000 euro to see to it that it would never happen again!
Too bad the company isn't allowed to videotape their employees nor truly oversee them for fear of union reprisal. Maybe the unions should be paying the piper.

Bank Robbery
Once again, Italy's banking fees have been singled out as the naughty boys of Europe, outpacing their European brethren by almost 6 to 1. Italians pay about 253 euro per year in fees and taxes on their bank accounts, while the next most expensive country, France charges just half that.
As a funny insert so appropriately depicted, the robbers now waltz into banks with their hands raised.

Making Tracks

This in from my no. 1 fan, Davide - grazie mille!


The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England because that was the original spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those oddly sized rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Ancient Romans formed the initial chariot ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman chariot. Thing is, chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses (or, two horse's asses).

And now, for the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you'll see two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

In short, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

So, the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder, 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right.

I don't know if this story is true, but I love it regardless.

Pubblicità - Publicity or Public Obscenity?

[Ad reads: Bring your kids to Ikea, and we'll keep them between the balls. Fra le palle meaning similar to ball-breakers].

While Ikea ads remain -- at least for me -- The Gold Standard in Italy, with their tongue placed firmly in their cheek, lately, there's been a wind of change - albeit still only a mild breeze - based on some of the ads I've seen posted around town. This is good news.
In the last month, I've seen a number of articles on the downfall of Italy's ad business and its been a constant thread in dinner conversations (I swear, not of my own doing!). Spontaneous generation, I'd say.
I think this occurs every September, after Italians return from their holidays abroad and realize - even subliminally - what an eyesore ads are here compared to most places. [The verdict of late: it's not based on lack of resources -- poor Brazil reportedly has the most creative ads on the planet).

September in Rome and we were treated to this Back-to-School ad, (although one could make the case that perhaps it'd be a tad more appropriate before the summer lovin' school break). So smart, obviously, it was not approved by any governmental committee. Sheer brilliance in its audacity, its ability to get you to read it, and probably, to think upon it long after you've passed it by. [It reads: Have you installed your Anti-Virus?]

So successful it was, like the anti-anorexia ads before it, it's now been censured.

And so we're left with what amounts to the brilliance of political action committees. From the PD, black ads seemingly marking the end of days, state simply, "Ciao, Ragazzi". Wow. That's enough to get me to motivate - politicize & demand Change.

ciao, ragazzi.

Attack of the Killer Pandas

There was a very smart article in what is arguably the best journal for all things Italian and most things Rome to be found in print or online. I'm talking about The Roman Forum, of course. The brainchild of Company, WalueEurope (don't ask -- well, I'll go ahead and just tell you...While 'W' in America means former President, George W. Bush, 'W' in Italy is often called 'V', pronounced 'Vu'), its Director is Chiara Di Pietro, with Editor-in-Chief, Brit, Anthony Smith. And kudos go out to Art Designer, Eugenio Catalano. This trifecta, giving us so much on things Roman, I wholly expect them to be wearing laurel wreaths when I happen to run into one or the other around town.

Anyway, in the September issue, you'll find the article about Driving in Italy, penned by Robert Shipley, clearly a man after my own heart (although I was saddened to learn upon reading it, he's married).
the notorious killer panda
He goes on to provide a perfect listing of things to watch out for if you're driving on Italian highways. Now, it's a 2 part article, so, I'm afraid to preempt his listing, but, I'd like to add a few more caveats:

- It is not my experience (and I used to drive over 5000km / month) that people pass on the right, except in city centers. But on those 3-lane highways, you will find absolutely no motorist worth his salt (and I stress his), in the far-right lane, dedicated to slow vehicles. Truckers and slow pokes will simply not take a blow to their masculinity and be caught ever in the slow lane, forcing all other cars going over 80km/hr to pass in the left lane, risking to be back-ended by the approaching car coming in at 160, before being able to make their way to the middle lane.

- As I mentioned in a previous post, those white pandas nowadays are as rare as the real things (and they're undeniably just as cute); They've been upgraded to SUVs, pulling all the same maneuvers, but now, seriously posing a life-threatening risk.

Of course, no rules apply to motorinos. Foreign visitors are left mouth-gaping the way they drive down the center lane, weave in and out, pass all over the place, and then jump the gun. I'm used to it, but utterly shocked the death rate for them is not infinitely greater.

As for Shipley's query about driving down the middle lane? That's easy to figure out. Staking out the middle means you can take your pick literally, down the road...

Italian Language Tips: Getting Lei-d

A friend was bemoaning the new casualness in today’s schools – no more Sigra. or Signorina when addressing La Maestra (and I’ve yet to discover a male out there – although I’m sure they exist in the same way we know white tigers roam parts of India). In part, due to the youth of today’s teaching corps, and, according to a study which found that 52% prefer using the informal ‘Tu’ rather than the ‘Lei’. Their reasoning: in part due to the immediacy of email and friendliness of social networking sites.

Just for the record, this same friend, after marrying her junior high school sweetheart, having grown up practically next door to each other – both give the Lei to the parents 30 years on. In a gesture of sheer chutzpah, clumsiness, or both – I don’t use it for either set.
For us English-speaking natives, using the familiar 'Tu' is decidedly more friendly, and we sort of avoid and abhor pulling out the 'Lei' when we find ourselves in a pinch – we absolutely cringe from its formality, although it does not hold that same weightiness for Italians. It’s simply what’s used. I suppose, if you’re from America’s South, where the term Ma’am is oft-used, addressing someone with the 'Lei' is probably not that big of a deal.

But the fun really starts when someone speaks, and you look over your shoulders to see who, in fact, they must be talking to – you automatically hear 'She' not 'You'. Even more mind-boggling for men, when they use the 'Lei' (She/Her) for You – in the single documented case of Italian gender parity.

But, my big question remains: What’s up with the Lei to signify an insult? When arguing with a fellow driver, I used to address them in the 'Tu', thinking, ‘Hah! I don’t treat them with respect’. Turns out I was totally off base. I used to shop religiously at an exclusive store in Rome. For years, the wonderful proprietor gave me the 'Tu'. Until that fateful day when my credit card did not go through. Attempts to contact the fraud office followed. Suddenly, and in front of the other customers, I was getting the 'Lei' – the verbal equivalent of the Cold Shoulder.

But my favorite is the standing joke in Italy: After the boss and his secretary enjoy a nice shag, they go back to their respective offices and right back into using the Lei. I find this practice so outlandish, that it causes my brain synopses to backfire. Although, while I could see Monica saying, Mr. President...I still can't quite conceive of him calling her Ms. Lewinsky. But, ask any boss who’s similarly sowed his oats – they will tell you something I’ve known for years – that there’s a lot of truth in humor.