Letter from Milano

Spending a bit of time in Milano, I ended up cooling my heels at the Milan train station.  Always nice to sort of buzz around, if nothing else than to get a terrific lunch with fantastic service and uber-friendly personnel (I swear, it's Milan I'm talking about) at my fave place for a quick bite, Panzera.  You need the nose of a mouse in a maze to find it, but it's worth the effort (out the left side as you egress from the station, on the ground floor).  
I found the Garibaldi station nearby just keeps getting spiffier and spiffier, but I got totally confused when I came out of the metro, and found myself surrounded by tall skyscrapers. I thought that somehow I'd been tele-transported to Shanghai.  Of course, I realized I wasn't since there were no bicyclists in my midst and cars were trying to run me down while I wasn't watching (too busy craning my neck).
But, back at the capitalist heart of Italy, I noticed that the enterprising people at Trenitalia (our motto: Leave no Euro Behind) have decided to do away altogether with those big boards telling you when and from where, exactly, your train will depart. 
They've sold out the space to advertisers.  It's not all bad, as in your effort to catch a glimpse of the time table through the huddled masses (making a reverse Statue of Liberty statement) at one of only two teeny kiosks now pointing out crucial traveler information, you can rest assured that in the very least, you'll know what sunglasses to buy when you're forced back out of the station after you've missed your train.
So, passing the time whilst waiting for the NEXT train to come along, I took to reading the signage.  Italians love rules, and I had absolutely no idea there were 18 of them governing elevator riding alone.  Clearly, Trenitalia & Co. are trying their best to dissuade you from going up to the tracks without first passing the dozens of retailers you get to behold while riding their slow-motion sidewalks - an experience akin to the moving walkway at It's a Small World exhibit at Disneyland, except there are no cheery children's voices to seranade you as you're transported along at a ridiculously slow pace.
So, here are the rules for riding the elevator (or lift) - Take a look and discover your favorite [just click on foto to enlarge].


My favorites?

• Don't allow to use the lift to children under 12, if alone -- How can I disallow if they're by themselves?  Or maybe, it's me who's alone or maybe...whatever.
• Don't use the emergency alarm button if really necessary -- Really?!
• Drunken travellers are excluded from transport such as those who carry on objects that block on the lift, and those who, because of their status or their behaviour...Never mind I need a drink!

I later discovered it was actually an advert put up there by Facebook as to why you should never use Google Translate.