Sunday, June 22

e-Harmony Italian style - Davvero?

...Really?!  I received in my inbox an invitation to try out eHarmony online dating. I think it was in Italian, and I thought, I would check out the types of guys they thought might be my perfect online match. After all, stranger things have happened. 
Now, I don't know if it was because I selected to receive their barrage of questioning in English, but, certainly, my country choice was Italy. So, I went in to face their 1375 questions that might identify that perfect person to spend the rest of my life with, or, in the very least, once mamma had been laid to rest.
The questions clearly did not change algorithms to your demographic. Suddenly, I felt like maybe it was a site for tweens trying to find someone to join them at a One Direction concert.  Who do you prefer? Madonna or Lady Gaga (citing one of the questions in which there was a minimum of name recognition)...Incredibly, None of the Above was not an option. If you chose one or the other, you received a quick, cheery message that chirped, "Great! You want to meet someone who likes Madonna!" Well, actually, no. But let's move on.
The queries were far too American-centered for my taste - and for Italy. And while I'm the first to admit that...if I've got a problem with the dating website, one can only fear for the actual date itself...One question after another referenced U.S. TV stars or movies I'd never heard of. Or shopping malls or other bizarre American traits.
So, I don't know if there's an Italian version of questioning out there, or if eHarmony just translates from that original set.  Skimming thru the questionnaire, I realized I needed a Red-White-Green version that would help me suss out the opposite sex and, pronto. 

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So, eHarmony, here's a teaser for you to help you get a jump start on the Italian dating market:
  • Do you still live at home?
  • How old were you when you left your home?
  • Do you think it's okay for your mamma to do your laundry?
  • Do you believe that socks and underwear must be ironed to the point that they can stand up straight in a drawer?
  • Ironing is only for women, true or false?
  • Do you agree that courses served for all meals must be planned well in advance? And, perhaps in consultation with your mother?
  • Your ideal living situation is in the same apartment building as your mamma?
  • Laughing out loud is not good for women, true or false?
  • Animals are part of the family, or filthy beasts?
  • A kitchen is not fully cleaned until all bacteria is removed from every visible surface
  • Pizza shall be eaten with a fork and knife always? Or just under duress?
  • Sundays are for watching football? Being with mamma? Or relaxing at home?
  • Just because you're married 'doesn't mean I'm dead' - true or false?
  • Plastic surgery? Or botox?
  • Berlusconi or Beppe Grillo?
  • An 'open marriage' is only disrespectful if your partner finds out, true or false?
  • Do you think bare feet in the house causes warts?
And, if you're going to give me musician choices, let's hear: Pino Daniele? Jovanotti? or Ligabue?

Anyone have any more to add?




3 comments:

Rick said...

Funny stuff, you're off to a good start! Now you just need to come up with about 1,363 more questions. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

Penny Sadler said...

Love it. Especially the part about filling out the questionaire. Why is it that Italian websites are often so behind?

Francesca Maggi said...

@Penny - Italian websites are so un-user friendly for a few reasons:
1) No one takes marketing - communications courses
2) Cos. don't pay professionals to come up with content - often it's a child doing it
3) If they get a webmaster - someone who codes - they charge him with content - something these people know nothing about
4) No one - but no one - tests the sites before hitting "Publish".
It's incredible. Websites are so counter-intuitive, it blows the mind. Just ask another of your offspring to give it a spin, no? No.
I subscribe to Quotidiano Arte - every day they tease me with articles on the art & archeology news of the day. Hit the links and you're headed to the home page whether you like it or not.
I called them on it. They told me it's intentional.
I tried explaining that I want to read the article I clicked...not click 8 more times to find it.
They refuse to budge!