Wednesday, July 29

All the President's Cards

While on vacation with my American nephews and niece, we got to talking about the hullaboo in America over Barack Obama’s (supposed lack of) birth certificate, the ‘Birther’ movement (which to this blogger sounds a lot like people proposing natural childbirth), the bill introduced in Congress to force Presidential candidates to ‘prove’ their certificates are for real (as if government seals on original birth certificates were not enough ‘proof’), and so on.
And, it struck me, that the Italians, having had a full-fledged working Republic oh, give or take a few thousand years before us, have got the solution nailed.
But, let’s take your docs from the top (forgive me if I've left a few out along the way)…

- Your birth certificate. In the old days, if you were born to a single or unmarried mom, they actually wrote FATHER UNKNOWN. And this was well before sperm banks and test tube babies, so you know, pretty much, that the woman generally knew who she did it with and when…
Nowadays, if you’re born to a single or unmarried mom, the child is pretty much not allowed to have your last name for your efforts of 36 hours in labor – unless you swear on a stack of bibles that the FATHER IS TOTALLY UNKNOWN. In Italy, the only single feminist symbol around is that women, due to the extreme bureaucracy, you are forced to keep your own names. That’s because it’d be so totally impossible to change them even if your name happens to be GianPieroMaria Mangiapane Bevilacqua.
If you were unfortunately saddled with a middle name like every American, you’d then have to consider it like a first name the rest of your life, even if you were named Luisa George after a long-lost uncle in America. Whenever I sign on to my Vodafone account, I’m cheerily met with “Welcome Francesca Martine!”

- Someone in your family would then have to go down to the City offices and make a form, STATO DI FAMIGLIA, announcing your home’s new arrival. At which point, the GARBAGE COLLECTION people would start charging extra, considering you're producing more garbage [and if you stop and think about how many disposable but not biodegradable diapers that baby consumes, you’d think the rate would quadruple, but, let’s not give the authorities any ideas…].
Funny thing is, when your roommate moves out, and you change your Stato di Famiglia, the garbage people somehow don’t quite catch on to the change…

- You then need to get a PASSPORT (if you’re the traveling kind), a CARTA D’IDENTITA’ (an i.d. card which even used to list if you were single, married, widowed or divorced and in an incredible encroachment, I think even dating and available…) and now, a HEALTH CARD which doubles (in an anti- bureaucracy moment of respite) as your SOCIAL SECURITY CARD (codice fiscale).
As you age, you’d have to get a DRIVER’S LICENSE and pay your TV Tax, coming clean on the number of Tvs you have in your household.

- Try moving out of your parents’ home and, most people, to avoid the hassle, keep their RESIDENCY CARD always in place (much to the chagrine of the pappas who pay the garbage tax, but the mammas who are happy to have that little apron string dangling in the form of figuring you into her garbage collection – Of course, with all the meals she prepares for you and sends over in Tupperware containers, you are most likely causing the majority of the garbage over at her homestead anyway).
So, you then must set up your DOMICILE certificate, claiming that you do, indeed, live somewhere else than your primary residence. All this has to do with keeping track of you, where you vote, and, in the case of asking for a mortgage, at what rate you might be getting.

Note: NONEabsolutely none – of the aforementioned documents are stand alone: You need to show proof of almost all of the rest in order that they will allow you to be the recipient of the doc you’re missing. So, they’re all intra-related in some way.

- But the clincher, as a reader once informed me, is what would obviously settle the insane Obama debacle once and for all: The illusive and illustrious CERTIFICATO DI ESISTENZA.
This is, in short, a document in which you claim in front of a government official and in the form of a written statement, that you do, indeed exist.
I am not sure what it’s used for or how they can prove otherwise, seeing that we are not yet double-checking fingerprints nor conducting iris scans, but…perhaps if Obama had dual citizenship, his coughing up this certificate would really put things to rest. Or not.
After all, dual citizenship would probably carry with it its own bill pending in Congress: the Double Birthing Bill [not to be confused with some Octo-mom anti-fertility drug measures].

19 comments:

Dave514 said...

Francesca:
The "Birther" thing is now offically dead, though we have a lot more problems with the messiah. That's for another time.

Italian identity forms are bad enough unless you want to buy a car, then it starts all over again.

Ciao,

Davide

Carol said...

Things are so much better now that we can do "self declarations" and not mess about with all the various documenti. I think our man BO could go this route--- Io, il sottoscritto, BO, nato a Hawaii USA il 4 agosto 1961, dichiara ecc ecc

Dave514 said...

Carol:
Please explain, "self declarations."

Davide

Francesca Maggi said...

they now have you just Auto-Swear in a document that you say you are you...you attest that...Much like the anti-mafia certification...
"I attest I have no mafia connections."
See? That'll do it.

Carol said...

autodichiarazione is this

Io sottoscritto__________(C.F……………)
nato a ___________ prov. ____ il_________residente a _________ CAP ________via________n°__________
in qualità di legale rappresentante dell’Organismo suddetto, avvalendomi delle disposizioni in materia di autocertificazione e consapevole delle pene stabilite per false attestazioni e mendaci dichiarazioni previste dagli artt. 483, 495 e 496 del Codice Penale,

DICHIARO blah blah blah

have done scads of them.

Jacques said...

@Davide
How is it that 'The "Birther" thing is now offically [sic] dead'?

What proof, other than the image of "Certification of Live Birth" posted online during the campaign, has since been provided to document a birth in a Hawaiian hospital signed by attending physicians in employ of that hospital?

His paternal grandmother has been videotaped claiming to have been present at his birth in Africa.

A number of prominent web sites, and even his own sister (who granted, was not present at his birth, being younger than he), have given contradictory information on the hospital of his birth.

What is so private about a simple birth certificate, such as I had to present present of myself, in the long form, in order to get a US passport for my daughter at the US Consulate, that the President of the United States can't just present it and get it all over with? Is he worried about Identity Theft?

If the first citizen of the whole USA can't be protected from identity theft except by refusing to publish any official documents about his past, what hope does a Jane Doe or John Smith have when they are required documents for anything from school to mortgages?

Dave514 said...

Jacques:
Drom what I understand a doctor at the Hawaiian hospital put it online recently.

It has been reported by several different news programs including one not favourable to him.

Davide

Dave514 said...

Jacques:
Drom what I understand a doctor at the Hawaiian hospital put it online recently.

It has been reported by several different news programs including one not favourable to him.

Davide

Dave514 said...

Jacques:
Google. "Obama's Birth Certificate.

Davide

Jacques said...

Davide,
as I had already seen, Health Director Dr. Chiyome Fukino declared, again, that she has personally seen the proof. That is ONE (1) single person that claims to have unequivocable proof, against at least two (2) with equal or greater title, and less interest, at least when the information was provided that have publicly confirmed conflicting details (granny and sis).

One of the reasons this has lasted so long is that the Hawaiian Health Department and the relative hospital officials (at both Hawaiian hospitals which in the past have been cited as his birth-hospital) have all claimed privacy laws, stating that only Obama could give permission to confirm or deny any information. Since there is more information now than in the October announcement by the same Health Department official, one would presume that Obama has given consent to release just a tiny bit more information than before, but to not allow people to see the entire thing for which reason?

He's suddenly become a timid, private person? It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

holidays tenerife said...

Hey, thanks for the post, i will be very careful. Next month I will visit USA. I would like to tell you one thing. If you come to USA from maxico then there you needed more documents.

Francesca Maggi said...

Re: Birth Certificate

Actually, the Republican Governor of Hawaii has said it was legitimate and official - given the seal that one must have and the Republican head of the Hospital in Hawaii has also said it was legitimate
Not to mention that it has been shown and proven a zillion times.
The only reason this (non) issue is still being contested, is because wackos in the GOP want to keep the issue burning...We all have the same official certificates and buona notte!!!

Francesca Maggi said...

p.s. Jacques -- so, one 115 yr. old African goat herder coming from a place with no calendars and clocks trumps State officials (even one whose job it is) who have - repeatedly - released official records and attested their veracity?

Avenir labs said...

If you want prove
so google obama's birth certificate.

Jacques said...

@Francesca
one of a person's two grandmothers (independent of your judgment of her alleged profession - I don't tend to judge a person's trustworthiness necessarily based solely on their economic achievements) who claims to have been present at her grandson's birth does, in my opinion, trump any politician who never had any reason to know who BHOII was until a few years ago, and is one of the few who is publicly claiming to have witnessed "the one and only truth". I suppose that I should qualify that I DO summarily judge trustworthiness for some professions without knowing the individual, which perhaps is not "correct": politicians are generally not trustworthy in my book, unless they manage to prove otherwise.
His own sister claimed his birth was at a different hospital than the one he is currently claiming, with no evidence provided by anyone.

Sorry, but I just don't trust politicians enough to take anything they say at face value when they refuse to provide what would be the most easily publishable documents... it's a copy of the original Birth Certificate for cry'n out loud, something I had to provide more than once, for situations MUCH less important than being the first citizen of the USA.

Please explain to me why he won't just publish it and be done with it? The electronic abstract that you get Googling it is just that, an abstract and electronic copy, so completely meaningless in and of itself. Even the State of Hawaii didn't accept it as sufficient for certain bureaucratic purposes until very recently (after the election...).

I don't even consider myself a "birther", but simply someone who doesn't understand why a Chicago Party Politician should have his word taken at face value when it would be so easy to prove what he is saying is really the truth. And this from someone who based his whole electoral campaign on change and transparency...

Jacques said...

P.S. I haven't seen any official records released by the public officials, only (barely) attested to, and only twice (October and July). BHOII's campaign staff allowed the publication of the electronically generated Certification, which is the most easily findable document, but which provides no details, and could legally hide a foreign birth.

If you read the wording of the various politicians' statements carefully, there is actually more that they don't say than what they do say in those press releases. It seems like more legal mumbo jumbo from a lawyer than anything else.

I haven't seen the Governor's officially weighing in, and it doesn't show up goggling it: do you have a link handy?

Jacques said...

P.S. again: re.reading what you wrote: what does having calendars or clocks have to do with remembering your witnessing your own grandson being born in your presence? You might not remember the exact minute or even might not know what day it was, but you sure wouldn't mix up which grandkid it was, at least not in any family I know, no matter what the job they have... or since it is an old African lady she can't know sh** but if someone manages to get to be a government official she certainly hasn't made any ethical compromises to reach the upper echelons of power, for sure...

Jacques said...

Well, I guess you were right, it is "truly, Afr-icially" over, now that an official birth certificate has been found instead of the endless bureaucratic reassurances and certifications (trust me, would I lie to you? I'm a top ranking government official...)
http://orlytaitzesq.com/obama-certified-copy-of-registration-of-birth-in-kenya.htm

appartamenti a siviglia said...

It's not always possible to have all the certificates and documents with you. I must be careful any way..