Italy Road Trip - Travel Warnings

Italians have consistently thought up *everything* from oh, I don't know, the discovery of the New World, to the fax, the telephone, right up to the Google search engine, but then lost it when some clever marketeer took it up a level, declared native Americans, Indians, and just went with it. Ask Galileo. Heck even the popes were in France for a time.
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...Italy is seriously marketing challenged. After all, these are the folks who gave us Malpensa (ill thought) Airport and Soffass toilet paper, the likes of which always puts a smile on my face. So lately, traveling a whole lot up and down the gorgeous Italian highways criss-crossing the boot like lovely laces (which, I might add, would put any roads to shame the world over), I can't help but be perplexed by the road signs on every digital board brought to you by the Road Guys responsible for our smooth rides.

This one reads Drive Safely. But sometimes they invite you to go online (whilst commandeering your vehicle at 90mph?) to check out road conditions - which would be seriously messesd up if you took them at their word, started searching the web, and ended up rear-ending the truck ahead of you. Inevitably, you are gifted with a Fasten Your Seatbelts sign when in fact, 5km up the road there's an accident and you just blew by the only exit that would have mercifully allowed you to avoid it. But I digress.
During my umpteen years of driving around the peninsula, nearly every time I see the ANAS logo up above, I get a mini panic attack. That logo (again, at 130 km/hr) looks to me like a car on fire every time I whiz by it. In fact, it tells me there's an entire line of cars on fire in a mass brush fire, just as I plunge headlong into the upcoming tunnel.
Coming face to face with this dot matrix logo is always a good way to get the adrenaline going on long drives. But, taking a closer look (when you're home and online...not calling it up on Siri while careening a curve) and the logo isn't so bad after all.

I'm guessing that it represents Mercury's helmet speeding down the highway, but not so fast -- that block above is basically our Mercurio stumbling to a complete stop in order to pay the extortionate tolls. Or, it symbolizes the long rest he'll take at the rest stop after miscalculating on gas and a glass of water at 1pm, feeding time for the entire country. My personal favorite is that it's Mercury looking for toilet paper. 
I play this guessing game in my head just like back in the days before devices were a common feature on car trips...You had to spot the first cow / farmhouse / diner there from the back seat. 
For everyone who will be sitting in traffic on their return from the August exodus, well, count this as a marketing freebie. So, thank you ANAS for the graphics. But I'm just wondering how I'll ever come to know when a car is up in flames just around the bend.

Nuns on a Bus

Picture from Treggia's Blog

I've said it before, and I'll say it again (and again!), Italians have a lot of superstitions. Some of them are endearing only 'cuz it reminds you of your granma...or nonna...as the case may be. Others, because the Italians - having had to put up with all sorts of indecencies over the centuries, heck, millennia, always seem to find the wherewithal to pull through, perhaps laughing about the matter along the way.
And so you hear that 

if you step in dog poop, it brings good luck.

If your pooped on by a pigeon...it brings good luck.

If it rains on your wedding day...it brings good luck (naturally)...

but I think these are all just to make one feel better about their apparent pitfall.

And so, it came as a surprise when I discovered that it has become somewhat legendary that should a Green Prinz car cross your path, it brings bad luck. That is, if it's full of nuns. These nun buses in fact are legend, long before Nuns on a Bus became something of a Big Deal in American politics and culture. [They even have a twitter account and hashtags, right up there with #PopeonaPlane!]

So, just one more thing to worry about on the roads of Bell' Italia...! Or as the picture I recently posted on my @IrreverentItaly Facebook Page read – ADULTS ON BOARD...We want to live too. 

Buona Fortuna!

All roads lead to Rome...A love story Part I

It's said that the English love to obsess over the weather...well, the longer I'm in Rome, the more I realize that we Romans are obsessed with the roads.  Maybe that's why we're know for that hackneyed phrase, All roads lead to...
Perhaps it was our destiny, ever since they laid the first stone on the Appian Way for us to look at the roads as a sort of measure of life.  The Romans gave us the milestones (a Roman mile now different from what we know as a mile, don't ask me why)  and life 'On the Road' reached Biblical proportions when St Peter happened to run into Jesus on that very same path.  We've been looking for road stories ever since.
I think we're obsessed with roads since Rome (and much of Italy for that matter) is layer upon layer of a storied past.  Underneath our black asphalt strips may lie an ancient Domus or a patrician villa.  No sooner than someone starts to dig, like for Rome's Line C of the work-in (sort of)-progress subway (tube) station, than it all comes to a halt -- while archeologists start scraping the stones with toothbrushes to determine what it is we're about to be plowing through.
It's no different for the Big News of the summer: the (sort of) closing off of the Via dei Fori Imperiali [via of the Imperial Forums -  you know, those ruins ruined in order to make the roadway [not unlike what America does with trees -- naming the streets after the ones mowed down in the process].
It's no wonder that the news went 'round the world - when it comes to Rome, roads are to be watched with close attention - and not just when you're trying ('trying' being the operative word) to cross them.  [As Alex of Italy Chronicles tweeted, Tourists in Rome discover (the hard way) that 'pedestrian zone' in Italy doesn't quite mean the same thing as back home.]

To see what we were actually talking about, check out this outstanding picture from one Bepix - You'll see old Rome circa 1890.  It gives you a perfect view of what it looked like before Mussolini decided he needed an avenue fit for - well, a fascist Dictator.  Rumor has it, in amongst those medieval houses was to be found Michelangelo's as well.  [As an aside, you can now go see the facade of his supposed villa at the entrance to the Gianicolo park, above Trastevere.]

Below marks the beginning of the construction.

Picture posted by Carlo Pavolini on Annarosa Mattei's blog 

And what Mussolini had in mind.  Julius Caesar would have been proud.

Picture from Wikipedia on the Via dei Fori Imperiali

Today, they still hold the processions, but you'd be more apt to see buses, taxis, politicians' cars (the infamous 'auto-blu' we all love to hate) and entire flotillas of motorcycles, vespas buzzing about, while horse & buggies vie for space along the edges.  And with a nod to Rome's ancient past...those vespa riders? They're called Centurions.

In part II, you'll discover what I had originally set out to type...Stay tuned! 

Italy's Automobile Museums

Maybe it's because I'm a Detroiter, well, okay, most likely because I'm a Detroiter, I love cars. I love looking at them, eyeballing the interiors while driving down the road, wondering who's made what, comparing designs, checking out the glow they give off when parked under a streetlamp, you name it.  And so, coming to Italy where they know a thing or two about fast cars, well, you know Italians love cars too (as well as their motorcycles).  In fact, in the old days, the faster your car could go, the faster you were allowed to go on the roads.  Now, those nasty cameras have spoiled all the fun, but it seems there's a whole culture of I-Spy going on, where people know where the cameras are and which cameras are working, so they can put the pedal to the metal between photo opps.
In Italy, you'll find a number of wonderful collections of old cars and carriages, items left behind from one collector or another, and they're always nice to look at.  Just down the via Ardeatina in Rome is a whimsical collection of carriages of all sorts, making for a fun outing here, too.  Most of these collections are by appointment only, but once you're in the doors, you're in for a real treat.  But lately, people are starting to take their car museums a bit more seriously.  Heck - even Volkswagon's Skoda over in the Czech Republic just got such a gorgeous makeover, it definitely means a return visit is in store quite soon.
So, here's my short list of fine automobile museums:

Torino (Turin)  Speaking of makeovers, this museum just got one and it's in the heart of car-making country - in fact, it's accessible right near the city center.  They rotate exhibits of about 170 cars and are trying now to make it worth your while. And, true to keeping with Italian form of double naming everything, it's called Museo dell'Automobile - Carlo Biscaretti di Ruffia Turin, but I think you're safe to look for automobile museum.  Torino also hosts a Central Archives to FIAT and I believe some cars are displayed there, but I am not sure if they've been moved to the refurbished museum.  Centro Storico Fiat - Via Chiabrera 20, Torino

Just outside Torino in Cambiano is the home of slick designer of all things automotive, Pininfarina.  They, too, have an impressive museum highlighting a rotating number of their 40 designer hits.  While I think they lack a quality control person when it comes to train design, we're good to go because they don't sport a Eurostar train there as well.  But, I wish they would.  Then, the designers can sort of try them out before forcing the rest of us to sit for hours in their seats.  But I digress.  I've yet to see the museum, but it's definitely on my list.

Going to Milan, the Museum of Science  (second name: Leonard Da Vinci) has an eclectic mix of trains, planes and automobiles, I think even a submarine.  No rhyme, no reason, but they're fun to look at.  And, speaking of fast cars, it's just outside Milan where the Formula1 racetrack is in Monza.  Just at the door to Milan in Arese is the overlooked but totally worthwhile factory of Alfa Romeo (who knew?!).  Again, double-named Automobilismo Storico Alfa Romeo - Museo Centro Direzionale it boasts the entire historic panoply of Alfas.  If you go there, someone's bound to know about it.  The City now wants to make sure people are aware of such a historic place right in their midst.  

Traveling further east to Verona, a businessman left a fabulous collection of all kinds of things which the family has turned into a tidy little museum.  At the Museo Nicolis you'll find cars, motorcycles, bicycles, buses, commercial vehicles, aircraft, heck, even tanks!  http://www.museonicolis.com  Not far from there in nearby Vicenza is a collection of oldies but goodies at the Museo dell'automobile Luigi Bonfanti.

If you still haven't gotten your fill of cars in the industrial (and industrialist) north, head toward Trieste. Just outside of Gorizia, you'll find a collection of a very brand loyal Ford Dealer. He even rebuilt the facade of the factor that made Fords in Trieste. And in his pantheon, you'll find a 1908 Model T along with cars and motorcycles.  Museo Ford Gratton, Farra d 'lsonzo (Gorizia).

But now it's time to set our sights south: to Formula1 territory.  

from San Marino's Maranello Rosso Collection

Ferrari likes to say they're located in Modena, but they're located wayyyyy outside Modena, in Maranello. It's a long drive, but worth it.  You can even see them testing cars on their track there.  http://museo@ferrari.com
Head towards Bologna and you'll come across a spanking assortment of Lamborghinis.  It's actually located inside their factor, but once inside, you'll be treated to some rare cars.  Here, instead of naming the museum twice, it's hard to tell, but it looks like there are actually two of them:  Lamborghini Museum in Sant'Agata Bolognese (BO) http://www.museolamborghini.com and the Ferruccio Lamborghini Museum in Dosso (Ferrara) which shows off his personal collection of vehicles, from famous sportscars to even a tractor http://www.lamborghinicalor.it    

Not to be left out, over in Modena is the collection of Maserati Museo d'Auto e Moto d'epoca Umberto Panini, and at the Museo Stanguellini, many race cars that carried their name.

And finally, another cool collection of Ferraris over in San Marino again, by a dealership.  Called, humbly, the Maranello Rosso Collection it has a lot to meet the eye with its Ferrari collection, Abarth collection and Congress Center.

You can usually find the antiques cars in many a town throughout the country, so, no matter what your speed, there's always something for everyone!

most names and places in color above are live links

Italy's color palette - for cars

In my book, Burnt by the Tuscan Sun (naturally), I talk about the choice of color for one's car to achieve the ultimate in Bella Figura status - the art of keeping up appearances.  If a car color comes in, it'll be just moments before everyone in the entire country is showing it off on four wheels.  For years, and since about the time I had moved to grey Milan, the car fleets were a cool silver.  I would love to see the statistics on accidents during the fog-filled winters of these cars that blended into the surroundings better than a chameleon in the Serengeti.

Around the time that the silver cars took hold (on my street alone, on any given day there are about 34 of them out of about 48 spots), the little white FIATs (Pandas and Unos) were suddenly going out of fashion.  In fact, in fashion forward Italy, white cars were going the way of white togas.  Well, everywhere except in the taxi fleets.  Taxi unions were furious when they were forced to transform from shocking (and eye-catching) yellow cabs into Star Trek white vehicles; a paint job that added to the upkeep in car wash fees for keeping them so bright and shiny (and camouflaged -- on sunny days in Rome, they're nearly impossible to see teeming down the city streets).
But after nearly 20 years, white is the new grey.  It may have started a few years back with the onset of the cute little Smart cars, but it looks like white is here to stay.  And the color looks terrific.  I'm personally in love with the oversized Mini Coopers (which I like to call the Maxi -- hey, if Apple can have an iPad...), but white even makes SUVs look less hideous as they're barreling down onto your bumper and driving over the roof of your car...So much so, perhaps they should paint the bottoms of them white as well.
And worried about being mistaken for a taxi?  They're so hard to find, that I guess people realized that that mistaken identity wouldn't occur so often, after all.  
As for the taxis?  I wonder if they'll make a counter move and go back to florescent yellow.  Now that would be a sight to see.
 

Driver's Ed in Italy: Your Handbook to Recklessness

It seems that almost everyone I know has finally buckled down, or, perhaps I should say, capitulated to facing the last great bastion of bureaucracy, after the id cards have been issued, the health certificates passed with flying colors, the social security numbers registered with authorities.  The Driver's Ed Test.  The very idea of facing the ESAME = Exam shakes the souls of lesser men.  You can read more about one expat's typical experience here.
But, what is the cause for concern?  Most of my friends have been driving for thirty or forty years.  Basically, the USA refuses to recognize Italian driver's licenses (after all, these are the guys who gave us the Ferrari, the greatest vehicles with the most outstanding drivers on earth...) - I think it's an extreme case of sour grapes - so Italy won't recognize ours (rightfully so).  We are then left to go through 'the system' in order to put the pedal to the metal and legally hit the roads.  Too bad that both countries happily accept drivers from places like, oh, inner Sudan or the Maldives - which I don't even think have cars on the roads.
But, the more you hear about the trials and tribulations of achieving your driver license, the more incredulous you become every single day that you happen to be in traffic.  As cars veer into your lane, a guy sends text messages at 100 mph, no one signals, and babies are carried on front seat laps, it's as if everyone crams for the exam, only to forget every single thing they were so preoccupied with learning after about 34 minutes.  And, judging from what it is I truly remember in college, I think this theory may hold a whole lot of aqua.
You not only have to cram for the oral exam, but you also need to pass the driving test as well.  Rightly so, you need to be able to regurgitate the speed limits for any kind of road (something that I do not know), understand who gets the right of way at most every type of intersection, and of course, put on your seat belt the moment you get inside the vehicle or it's an automatic fail.  Judging from the traffic patterns, I think the test is easy:  speed limits are whatever you can do without hitting the car in front of you, intersections are for rushing into even if it's a red light, and seat belts are for sissies.  But friends tell me that you must also know all the parts of the motor, how to change a tire, and various mechanical things as well.
You know that women pass that test with flying colors since in every roadside emergency, they are the first to tap out the road service phone number to come a running.  Why all this acumen goes flying out the window once they actually get behind the wheel is one of those mysteries of life right up there with the immaculate conception.  It doesn't matter, compared to the USA, Italians really must know their cars inside and out.
But I got a big kick out of a friend's story of his experience getting his license in the USA.  The questions are written, there are like 10 of them, and, along with the driving test the entire operation takes under an hour.  He said he was licensed to drive in Italy:  a car, a truck, large vehicles, a tank, and his own private plane.  On top of that, he had the best experience that anyone could ask for: He was from Naples.  Arriving at the exam, and meeting the 90 year old instructor, he decided to be prudent.  He utterly failed his driving test.  I believe it was a first in the annals of driver's tests.
The reason?  He went too far under the speed limit.  Turns out he averaged about 25mph in a 35mph zone.  Next time, he thought, he better put his Neapolitan skills to the test, instead.
Just as long as he doesn't try to steer cruise ships, like his fellow paesano, Captain Stecchino.


For more on driving in Italy (from my Travel Tips Page on the blog), click these links:

Deciphering street signs in Italy
Driving at night in Italy 
Getting a driver's license in Italy

Driving in Italy? Detour Ahead.

I dedicate an entire chapter in my book to the (non) Rules of the Road of Driving in Italy.  Lots of people are afraid to drive around Italy, but I am not one of them, unless of course, I am near a woman careening around a corner in an SUV while she's texting and smoking a cigarette.  But, for the most part, if you like cat & mouse chases, it can actually be fun.  Just don't get caught in the city centers with a car, even if you're simply trying to find your hotel.  Each time you go in & out, you'll be hit with a hefty fine.
But lately, it's been widely reported that around Rome (and I imagine other cities as well), there's a new ploy around to separate you from your money.  And it involves your car.  It also tends to strike at women driving by themselves, a category in which I find myself - often.  But since I got literally hit up twice in the last month, I thought I'd share the experiences with you:  Forewarned is always forearmed.
Essentially, people are coming out of the woodwork and hitting the side mirror of your car.  This can be a person, usually someone on a scooter, and like the other night, in another car - but that's a bit more outrageous.  You hear a rather loud 'thud' and are shocked, because you swear (and you are most likely very correct) that no one was even near you a moment before.  They tend to go after women who are meandering, looking for a parking spot, so not fully paying attention to their surroundings.  But the other day I was driving - fully in my lane - when it happened.  Once they have you totally on a guilt trip, they hit you up with a "Just give me 100 euro and we'll leave it at that."  Sure beats begging 100 people for a euro coin each.
They stop and signal to you to pull over.  I do not - ever - open my windows to engage in conversations.  This, is a precautionary measure I learned from living in the USA - where people come up to you and try to chloroform you to get your car, or worse.  And after seeing The Vanishing, well, call me 'better safe than six feet under'---alive.  And besides, if they can shout through the 3 foot thick windows at the post office to complete a transaction, their voices can certainly carry thru the window of my car.

The new pocket pickers - who just stand there patiently waiting
while you give them lots of your money - voluntarily.

In scenario no. 1 - the guy, appearing straight out of nowhere (between garbage containers) shows me his smashed watch.  Looking like someone who would chloroform me in a heartbeat if he could manage to get out of bed that day, he says repeatedly, "You broke my watch." Because of his sort of drugged state and insistent behaviour, I pull out my iPhone - a modern version of a Swiss Army Knife in times of need.  I don't call the police.  I start taking pictures.  I told him I was onto his ploy, and I'm happy to call the police to settle the matter now that I have photos.  Suddenly, his watch wasn't so important.  Here he is above, with the smashed item in question.  His mug suddenly out of my camera view.  Damn that iPhone for being so slow to load.
In scenario no. 2 - I was perfectly in my lane, on a wide boulevard at that.  The thud told me our side view mirrors just made contact.  Nonetheless...I followed him as he pulled over, because I didn't want to illicit road rage.  He comes over.  I tell him I can't roll down my window (which btw is the god-honest truth, it's momentarily missing its motor, causing me endless grief on toll roads..but no matter, I wasn't going to do it anyway - see The Vanishing reference above).  He tried shouting to me that I broke his side mirror...sees my absolute look of confusion -- I told him I was rigorously in my lane, and if he hit my mirror, it's his problem.  Then, pointing to my side mirror, he motions for me to come look - "You see, your mirror was hit."  
Yeah, right, I'm really going to leave my car and 'come and have a look' - I couldn't join him on the dark road even if I had wanted to, because I was too busy replaying scenes from The Hitcher.  Besides, my car is 15 years old.  If the side mirror was hit, it probably made an improvement.  Seeing he was getting nowhere fast, and just before I unsheathed my trusty iPhone camera, he gave up.  "Never mind, bella mia..."  and he walked away.  I opened my passenger window and called after him...to watch where he's going in the future.
I would suggest you readers do the same.

Driving away, I recalled when my purse was stolen - right out from under my car seat - while driving in traffic in Naples.  They smashed the window and in my surprise (I thought an explosion had gone off next to me), I was stunned to see my bag floating right out of it and onto the back of a scooter.  Either way, I counted my blessings that none of these incidents transpired in carjack happy USA - I'd have been separated from a lot more than just my wallet...

Tantissime Belle Cose or 8 Reasons why living in Europe is better than living in the USA

Let’s start with the obvious: The Food. While America may be the Horn of Plenty, the additives and polyunsaturated fats and corn syrup by the gallon in almost everything you eat, makes for an entire country of Pillsbury Doughboys and girls (think: Wall-E), all with diabetes 1 and/or 2. If those 'no global' Europeans could just rebel against the real culprits: Nestlè and Coca Cola et.al. onslaught, and go back to offering homemade iced teas and all that – (think: Italy is still Starbucks free) well, then, we’re in for a lot longer life than ever and one that’s pretty much fat and sugar free.

The Cars. Hopefully, gas prices will get so high in Europe that people will stop driving altogether. But not having to see 9 out of 10 cars as an SUV or hiked up pickup truck is certainly an eye-appealing, global warming of my heart, and simply (as a miniscule Honda civic driver) safer.

Nationalized health care. Say what you will about the breakdown in the Italian (or European) health care systems, but people still receive treatments relatively inexpensively and even long term without fear of bankruptcy. Sure, it’s stress-inducing to wait 10 months for an RMI after discovering a lump, or longer for a basic physical, but, it’s even more horrific to wait for your zillion dollar bill after services, too. I don’t partake in the national system, but I can tell you plenty of long-living Europeans do – cost free.

Vacations. For those of us who stay behind, we might find the cheery ‘Chiuso per Ferie” signs pretty dismal (I haven’t been able to reach anyone at my bank since before Christmas), but, let’s face it: Europeans know that with hard work comes some pretty good downtime. In summer, beaches become blackberry free (except the edible kind), as things shut down and people tune right out. And while families relax and explore places together, and the city prostitutes wait longingly for their clientele to return home, that sort of mentality really lets everyone go about their vacationing care free. I’ve even heard of an entire paese that goes on holiday together, they like each other so well (although I’m not quite sure it’d be wise to publicize this little known fact, for the amount of looting that could take place next August).

Then there’s the cell phones. While I’ve discovered that pretty much everyone hates their carriers here in the USA (with AT&T taking the lead in customer dissatisfaction), Telecoms companies seem to be international in their pursuit of profits thru dodgy practices. But, one thing’s for sure: in Europe, we do not pay to receive calls nor texts. Here, they get you coming and going and it ain’t pretty. With these kinds of practices, it’s a wonder how the Americans (10 years behind the Europeans) ever got off of hold in the telecoms revolution.

And, while I’m at it, I might add the phone line debacle. Two months in the USA, and I’ve been feeling like it’s 1999 (and sadly, not enjoying a party line). You can hardly complete a call without the ‘line dropping’ at least once. Unbelievable. We’re supposedly the most advanced (technologically speaking) country on the planet, and you can’t place a call from Michigan to Ohio without retrying three times.

Air Travel. Yes, you read it right. Air Travel. Europeans still offer the most comfort for the dollar, if you count in FlyBaboo and discard RyanAir. It’s an outrage that the shoddy RyanAir practices are pretty much standard fare for every major US Airline (charging for luggage, drinks, skip the lines, etc.). But we still have Baboo and Virgin and even BA and ClickAir to look forward to (sorry, Air One – my former heartthrob - you’ve sold your soul to the devil). Americans get to look forward to paying for reclining seats or go Greyhound.

Knowing your retailer. While it does happen (often), in major metropolises, that you would know personally your coffee barman, dress shop, or pet shop owner, out in suburbia this is simply not the case. On one hand, it gives you that terrific sense of anonymity, which makes you feel somewhat invincible in a Clark Kent sort of way as you go about your daily errands. On the other, you kind of wish you could stop a moment to enjoy a nice chat with the store owner sitting outside his/her front stoop.

Driving in Italy III: Park at Your Own Risk

The other night I was racing (as usual) to the movies with a friend. And, as usual, we were trying to find a parking spot --a near-impossible feat--on a Sunday evening in Rome’s City Center.
We tore down one street, where you could make a convenient illegal left turn into oncoming traffic and grab a spot in a quarter truly unreachable by car.
They’ve since put up a little curb and a median to restrict us more wily drivers.

We debated double-parking -- it’s only 2 hrs -- Yeah, but what if someone needs to get out? I could get towed.

I thought about putting the car in nose first and pulling it up onto the sidewalk but, we were in a zone with little parking people ticketing by the hour.

So I then made an illegal left turn, went into the bus-only lane to go into the no-traffic Villa Borghese park to my favorite hidden parking place. Besides having my license plate probably photographed 3 times (tickets efficiently arrive by mail), we discovered they’d turned my hideaway into Resident Only parking! Again, a risk of ticket, or even worse, The Boot.

“Boy!” I said with disgust, “What’s come of this place? Bus lanes, no illegal turns, no double-parking…I wish it were the old days when people could just park anywhere they wanted to!”

“Yeah,” my friend retorted, “But, remember when you were the one who couldn’t get the car off the sidewalk because you were triple-parked in? Or, you couldn’t walk down the sidewalk either because of all the cars?”

I don’t know, but with all these rules and regulations – being enforced no less – I may have to move to Somalia. Although it seems it's still the case in Naples.