Alitalia Takes a Nose Dive

I have started commenting on Current Events in Italy over at my new blog, Irreverent Italy.  I'll be keeping this one going too, for more of my classic cross-cultural commentary, but thought you all might want to go there - it's still a work in progress, but hey...

Here is the first part of the Alitalia / Italian Post Office deal.  In my book, I dedicate ample copy to both poxes on the House of Italy.  But, putting them together?  This is a satirist's dream come true...

Okay-you know things are bad with your Company when the last resort to bail you out is a company so broke it has stopped mail delivery -- and it's the one who is supposed to be delivering the mail.  This is like Detroit trying to get bailed out by Lehman Bros.  I don't know where to start with this incredible story of how - gasp! - horrors! - The Italian Post Office is going to save Alitalia, so I'll start at the end:  Let it fail.  It's not like we'll all suddenly be stranded on our little peninsula - it's a peninsula, after all, and we could always train it out if worse came to worst.  There are plenty of airlines who would gladly pay for the slots, they just don't want to buy the Company those slots come with.

Picture by Gianni Falcone - Diario Acido

Again, in my book, I declare:  We've lost TWA to the junk heap of history, we stared up aghast when the last 'M' came off the Pan Am Building in New York City (I was there), we saw Sabina take its last lap, the Concord moved to a museum, and SwissAir fall from its lofty position (okay, it was reborn the very next day as Swiss, but still...)

Read More at Irreverent Italy:  http://irreverentitaly.blogspot.it/2013/10/ahhhhalitalia-takes-nose-dive.html

Tante Belle Cose - Rome Travel April 2011

This April, spring had finally sprung and is filling the trees with that sweet jasmine and wisteria, giving Rome it's unparalleled sweet scent.  Rome was bustling with the preparations of Liberation Day (april 25th), the huge May 1st concerts held at San Giovanni, combined with the beatification of the Saint who lived amongst us, Pope John Paul II.  Not to be outdone, unions across the country continued their organization of major events -- rolling strikes affecting trains, buses and pretty much every other mode of modern convenience.  If the Pope could perform miracles, couldn't he vanquish the devil of modern protest?  Heck - he could just copy the Wisconsin Governor's approach.

Leaving for the USA this week, I was pleasantly surprised to find Rome Airport's Terminal 5 an absolute pleasure to behold.  I breezed in, was courteously helped out by all the wonderful women with - gasp! - could it be?  green Alitalia coats on assisting with humour and grace, the thousands gathering for their N.American flights.
I waltzed through security, striking up pleasant conversations with other passengers, including with the Italians amongst us, incredibly not trying to push ahead and cut in front of the crowd.  Miracles in our midst.
Even the airport internet connection was terrific, though it took awhile to determine how to reconnect after logging out of Telecom Italia's airport.
The flight was flawless and my only glitch was not seeing my friend patiently waiting in the salon at arrivals - used to drive-by pickups, I was out on the curb - she was inside, reminding me of all those charming Italian families usually gathered to meet and greet their loved ones back home.

Back in Italy, Rome announced a few measures to protect its citizenry: scooters could use the preferential lanes to try and speed things up and keep them from getting knocked down; drivers killing their targets -errr- pedestrians would be severely prosecuted for voluntary manslaughter and get hit with more jail time-seeing that it's reached war zone proportions (begging the question, we can spend billions for planes to protect Libyans, but we can't stop the war being waged against our own citizens?); the police are cracking down on under-age drinking in bars in the city centers and the late-night openings of locales.

Not to be outdone, the local residents are doing what they can - and waging their own spring street protests.

FIAT-Chrylser: The Italian Job?

picture from Chryslerpedia

Take a look at some of the most recent headlines from my journal of choice when I get a bit homesick - The Detroit News:

23 Apr 2009 Fiat CEO says Chrysler deal is the top priority, but doesn't rule …
Fiat SpA Chief Executive Sergio Marchionne signaled Thursday that the Italian automaker might explore a deal with General Motors Corp.

25 Apr Fiat leader convinced he can help Chrysler
The chief executive of Fiat told the White House auto task force Thursday that the Italian automaker could help Chrysler recover and repay the billions it ...

…That is emerging as a sticking point in talks between GM and Fiat... Marchionne ruled out spending cash to combine Fiat with Chrysler and GM Europe. ...

Summers: Fiat-Chrysler talks still up in the air
Saturday, May 2, 2009 Fiat head to discuss Opel concept
Berlin -- The head of Italian carmaker Fiat SpA, which is in the process of acquiring U.S. automaker Chrysler, is continuing talks with German officials about a possible takeover of General Motors Corp.'s Opel unit, according to media reports Saturday.

Fiat explores merger with GM Europe
Italy's Fiat SpA said Sunday that its board was willing to explore a possible merger between the Italian company's auto activities, including its interest ...

Fiat seeks GM Europe deal
Italy's Fiat SpA, fresh from signing an alliance agreement with Chrysler LLC, said Sunday that it was exploring the possibility of merging its auto business ...

29 May 2009 Fiat to stay away from Friday Opel talks
Milan -- Officials from automaker Fiat will not attend Friday's talks with the German government about its offer for Opel, blaming Berlin's ...


Now, anyone who has ever read the Detroit papers as long as I have will attest that generally, they’re usually pretty reliable sources of information. So, what gives? I’d be willing to venture that the jolly card here is FIAT being put into play.

Any historian buffs or business execs out there will certainly recognize a few salient features in this deal:

1. Modern day capitalism with its' correspondent takeovers between companies valued at greater than most countries is nothing short of warfare.

2. Although in Italy, Italians love to repeat they are all ‘individuals’ and not team players (except maybe in soccer), they love, when it comes to business, to form unwieldy teams which then get bogged down in petty fiefdoms and conflicts of interest, just like in the days of Theodoric. And here, I cite Alitalia. It wasn’t enough for Air France or Italy’s Air One to take it over (or together). No, they had to form a huge consortium of banks, old Alitalia, Lufthansa, and heck, Air One and Air France just for kicks.

3. In Ancient Rome, a snazzy Triumvirate was formed between three good men, namely Gaius Julius Caesar, Marcus Licinius Crassus, and Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (Pompey the Great). To complicate matters, according to Wikipedia, the First Triumvirate had no official status whatsoever – its overwhelming power in the Roman Republic was strictly unofficial influence -- and was in fact kept secret for some time as part of the political machinations of the Triumvirs themselves.
After the deaths of the above (see: all's fair in love & war), a Second Triumvirate was duly formed by Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus (later known as Augustus), Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, and Mark Antony. And, we all know how successfully that ended.

4. Italians in WWII fought valiantly, winning key battles not so much through their prowess, but more simply by flummoxing their adversaries (first the British then the Germans after switching sides when they saw their chips were down) through your basic disorganization variety of battle strategy [I cite the Battle of El Alamein, in specific, and the battles for Africa in general]. Sometimes, they even perplexed their own side:

Quote by Axis Commander Erwin Rommel (source wikipedia):

Rommel was later to blame the failure to break through to the Nile on how the sources of supply to his army had dried up:

… then the power of resistance of many Italian formations collapsed. The duties of comradeship, for me particularly as their Commander-in-Chief, compel me to state unequivocally that the defeats which the Italian formations suffered at Alamein in early July were not the fault of the Italian soldier. The Italian was willing, unselfish and a good, and, considering the conditions under which he served, had always given better than average. There is no doubt that the achievement of every Italian unit, especially of the motorised forces, far surpassed anything that the Italian Army had done for a hundred years. Many Italian generals and officers won our admiration both as men and as soldiers. The cause of the Italian defeat had its roots in the whole Italian military state and system, in their poor armament and in the general lack of interest in the war by many Italians, both officers and statesmen. This Italian failure frequently prevented the realisation of my plans.

Rommel complained bitterly about the failure of important Italian convoys to get through to him desperately needed tanks and supplies-always blaming the Italian Supreme Command, never suspecting British code breaking.


So, correct me if I’m wrong, but this FIAT – Chrysler no, FIAT – Opel, no Fiat – GM – Chrysler Triumvirate smacks a lot like history repeating itself.

Italy's Business Weak: Nutella and Taxes

There's a lot going on in Italy's business world, affecting not only Italians, but the world...and, contrary to popular belief (especially this popolo), much of it is quite positive. I thought I'd share my bus recap with you:

Now, I like to poke fun at the Italians for being Brand Challenged, but, they actually captured the prize given by the Reputation Institute for having the most trustworthy brand on planet earth: the ever-lovin', ever-smooth, truly scrumptious, so good you can spread it on bread and eat it for breakfast, Nutella.
Confounding common Italian business practice for decades, it still is what it says it is. And while Ikea came second, I'm wondering what happened to good 'ol Kellogg's Corn Flakes (sorry, it's a Michigan thing).

Although threatening to quit, Minister Brunetta keeps on his long march for reining in waste by public servants. He's decided people working in the public office can't be on facebook, although he and all his buddies are.
Obviously, what's good for the goose is not good for the gander.

A report came out on the greatest tax evaders in Italy. Again, contrary to popular belief, it was Italy's north that garnered the top spot. Although one could argue that in the north there are simply more businesses...
It seems to fly right in the face of the logic that Italy's no. 1 Company is the Mafia, who pretty much avoids all taxes...So, go figure.

And, while Alitalia is about to be sanctioned for their lack of respect for timeliness, they have decided to start offering the public low cost airfares.
That's one way to stop the griping on delays...many of the lowcost airlines run permanently late...

Your Nutella Fact Sheet:
- My sister once ordered a case of it when we were little which arrived broken. After sending a letter of complaint, they replaced them all, plus some and coupons on more!
- Ms. Adventures in Italy and At Home in Rome started World Nutella Day back in 2007.
- It would take almost 392,000 jars of nutella to go the entire 17 mile Monterey Bay drive (now, who'd want to do a thing like that??)

Business Weak

Time for my update on business practices in the Bel Paese – instead of TQM (Total Quality Management), we could call it Total Quagmire Management. Naturally, all of the usual suspects garner honorable mentions.

Turns out Alitalia has accumulated a nice little art collection of sorts over the years. So much so, it’s currently being appraised by Christies. It’s unclear whether that is for eventual sale, or if our new owners at the CAI want to know which are the best pieces to hang in their living rooms.

While over at State-run television RAI, a new President has been put in place. An octogenerian. So much for career advancement and bringing in new blood. Although one could argue that if the only people left watching state TV are Italy’s ever-aging population, perhaps he more than anyone could make the picks like the health shows and armchair travel specials. And just think: it’ll surely make things easier for actors looking to errr…rise to the top – I don’t think at that age even Viagra can help.

Meanwhile, an exciting new initiative has been announced in an effort to combat childhood obesity, which is taking on epic proportions over here: appropriately named SAFE, the program will supposedly help people get on the right track. It’s a shame that the acronym stands for: Stile di vita, Alimentazione, Farmaco & Esercizio Fisico (Lifestyle, Eating, Drugs & Physical Exercise). Pardon me, but since when are drugs to combat couch-potato bodies considered part of a healthy lifestyle? Probably not since those little chocolate ‘diet helpers’ came out in the 70s called Ayds (okay, they didn’t know what was coming down the pike)...

And finally, the doozy of the week: the government decided in their infinite wisdom to bring about a bill to help ‘stimulate’ (read: wreak havoc upon) the housing market. Their bill would allow anyone and everyone to build up and over across terraces, front lawns, and wherever they can build, much to the chagrin of the neighbors. In short, it proffers legality on practices that are changing cityscapes as we speak – just ask anyone in Rome’s (supposedly unbuildable) city center; new rooftop constructions blocking once perfect views are the order of the day.
This legislation (which may now be modified due to the outcry), is all the more audacious due to the fact that it favors the one category (outside the mafia) which contributes the least to the government coffers. Builders. The ones who hire all their workers under the table to avoid the social costs, who only declare about 1/8 of their income for taxes, who purchase materials (namely, cement) illegally to avoid the VAT, who build without permits (and accompanying taxes), and the list goes on.
At least lobbyists in America actually give money to government projects and politicians in order to get their way –

Needless to say, this is the outcome on business when government officials interfere with free enterprise.

Alitalia's Three Card Monte

Just when Alitalia finally merged with AirOne (something I suggested they do since the onset of their travails), the skies started looked friendlier (even if the strikes of the ground crew et.al. did not), and I thought my days of dissing Alitalia were over. But no.
Turns out, for 40000 small investors (read: the ones that aren't SOB's -- that's Supporters of Berlusconi) are left holding nothing but the worthless titles to their stocks. These are, of course, stocks in the "old" Alitalia.
That's because last week, Alitalia was simply pulled off the Milan stock exchange; disappearing as silently as a jet over the Bermuda triangle.
And, even though all of the Consumer Advocate agencies are heating up for a huge Class Action suit, one could argue that, with its losses, their stocks were worthless anyway. But still, with the formation of the New Alitalia they demand a bit of upside.
Ahhh, nothing like breathing investor confidence and goodwill into the takeoff of a new enterprise -- the one claiming to be the "flag bearer of the Italian nation".

To see how Alitalia did it, just click here. The A is for Alitalia.

Out of the Blue

A friend posted online whether she thought it was wise to book a ticket Rome-London with (the new!) Alitalia. It was posting the best rate. After all, the CAI – Alitalia’s new owners – have been in business for a couple of weeks now, and, the results are in. Just like with their overhaul of the decrepit carrier, she got mixed reactions (and you can take my little poll on the left hand side):

One Brit who has lived here most of her life said, 'Sure, give ‘em a leg up! We should support our national carrier.' An American in the U.S. said, ‘No way’, and someone else said, ‘go for it, even though you may find yourself stranded in one place or the other, how bad can it be?'

Well, I’ve also polled a few people about the results of the Under New Management Alitalia. The answers run the entire gamut from quiet optimism to absolute preposterous:

- One guy was rehired and said it was ‘business as usual’, meaning that nothing had really changed; neither for him nor for the Company. Things were plodding along just as haphazardly as before.

- A friend says people in her toddy neighborhood are now spending the proverbial “time with their kids”. She sees these poor fired souls out and about, worrying about their demise, even though they’re up for 7 years home leave – with pay. They're probably all taking off to trips to the Maldives and Thailand. I wonder if they’re flying Alitalia.
Now wouldn’t that be the world’s great irony? It’s the thousands of laid off workers from Alitalia who are actually gettisoning the revival of Italy’s frail economy?

- And then, there’s a friend’s husband who is counting his lucky stars they don’t have kids. Having filed bankruptcy, he’s one of the stay-at-homes-with-pay until the NewCo. gives him a new contract. Except that the old one finished, the new one hasn’t kicked in, and he has not seen any pay in over 3 months.
Why is that? The slow plodding of bureaucracy? No – as if they hadn’t see it coming (they’d been talking about ditching the Company for the better part of 2 years), someone – somewhere - simply forgot to put in the paperwork. For the thousands of employees.
Adding insult to injury, he got a strange notification in December. His tredicesima extra Christmas payout? No. Because the OldCo. didn’t finish out his year, he actually owes Alitalia money! Needless to say, he is at wit’s end.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Business Weak

This past week a lot happened in Italy’s business world. I thought I’d give you a brief rundown:

The first week of operation of the new! (but obviously not improved) Alitalia started with … a strike.
Always quite comforting to know that some things are quite stable in our unstable world.

Tied to this is the heady Milan meeting in which the government and flight partners asked that Linate airport be closed down (this proposal has been - thankfully - and steadfastedly refused).
Milan’s Linate is a 20 min. drive to the city center, versus 40 mins. (on a good day) for Malpensa. It only makes sense, with all those businesspeople flying back & forth from Rome, Naples, Bari and Palermo to add a few extra hours to their day. Perhaps the motto can be: “Malpensa: Keeping Italy Unproductive”.

And of course, the biggest news is the Chrysler – FIAT partnership. Now—you know you’re in deep doo-doo when pairing up with FIAT is your best option.
I hope that they bring America the cute little FIAT ‘500, or Topolino, which in my opinion is the best design to come out of Italy – ever. And, with all those Chrysler dealers around, FIAT might not suffer from their poor image which brought the moniker, Fix It Again Tony.

Tantissime Belle Cose

As I reflect on the past year, I would like to first and foremost thank all of you dedicated readers (and commenters) of my blog for your patronage...it's nice to know that I am not writing for an audience of one, and that every so often I can bring a smile to what sometimes seems like daily trials & tribulations of life in this wonderful country of contradictions. I'll be making a few changes in the New Year, but always appreciate your observations (be nice!) if you'd like to see more / less of something or other.

Anyway, for what it's worth, here is my short list of Bellissime Cose del Bel Paese... and the not so terrific (in no particular order).

- Il bello: Quark, Superquark & Ulisse / The best TV programs the RAI has to offer.

The worst? Any reality show and the Veline on the omnipresent 1970s-style variety shows.

- Il bello: The Metropolitan Cinema in Rome and its dedication to English-language theater.

The worst? The demise and troubles behind the singularly fantabulous Spoleto Festival di Due Mondi.

- Il bello: Gomorra, Roberto Benigni's interpretation of Dante's Inferno, and the ongoing collaboration of Will Smith & talented Director, Gabriele Muccino (Pursuit of Happyness, now Sette Anime).

The worst? Having to stomach the constant bickering behind the Venice Film Festival, San Remo Music Festival, the running of the RAI and pretty much everything that gets politicized unnecessarily.

- The hope that the political wind change will bring about real change.

The worst? The occupation of Naples by troops for garbage removal.

- Il bello: The rise to the head of Confindustria of 'The Woman of Steel'.

The worst? That Italy, along with Portugal, has the lowest representation in Europe of women in business (although that figure must leave out the thousands upon thousands of retailers and hair salons). Just ask the ex-model and Equal Opportunity Minister to address it.

Even worse? Alitalia still flying the unfriendly skies and all the related strikes, baggage losses, and see-sawing which has marred the takeoff of CAI.

- Il bello: The U.S. Government, in the persona of our most excellent Ambassador Spogli, trying to promote Venture Capital as a stimulus for the economy.

The worst? The departure come January, of said Ambassador

- Il bello: All the wonderful ezines, blogs and websites dedicated to Italy, including Life in Italy, Italy Mag, The American - in Italia, Italy Travel Guide and the people bringing you the best of Italian culture, along with those who dare dream of change, like Beppe Grillo and the thousands of bloggers who attempt to post the problems...if for nothing else, than cathartic release.

- Il bello: Italy's Associazioni Consumatori in all their various guises, finally giving a voice to the downtrodden and getting results.

The worst? All of the store and restaurant owners who keep jacking up the prices so that pasta is now 2500% markup and plain old pane has gone up nearly 40% in the last year.

- New Year's Celebrations with spectacular fireworks displays, along with some excellent Prosecco...

Please feel free to add your own below.

Felice Anno Nuovo!

Tante Belle Cose - October

The best news ever to come my way is that the Fabulous Federconsumatori managed to win a hefty penalty levied against Italy's Trenitalia for shady business practices. Anyone who has ever tried to book a ticket online (I've never succeeded but, hey...) knows what goes on there: promotions that disappear upon purchase, discounts that don't exist, out of frustration you're forced to dial their (pay) telephone number. No, they would never think to offer a toll free one.

Because of the fangs of consumer associations like Federconsumatori, I just know that I'll live to see the day when the monopolies stop treating you like a mere prey to be shaken down, and will start trying to earn your business. After all, it happened with Telecom Italia (well, they still prey on their customers, but many of us ran off to Vodafone, et.al. to get away from them) and it's happening now with the energy companies. Who knows? Maybe even Alitalia will have a reawakening...

As of November 1st, bars which have adhered to the Fipe-Confcommercio accord will block price rises for your morning cappuccino.

This is terrific news since prices now rival Starbucks, the greatest scam in the universe. Only problem is, in October breakfast prices clocked a 15% increment. In Italy, there is no free breakfast.

After the success of turnstiles introduced in government offices, it seems the government now wants to introduce them pretty much everywhere else. They now expect to make abut 350 more employees sing for their supper and start stamping their ins and outs of office. Not only that, Renato Brunetta's office announced he wants government offices to go completely email - inbox.

Seeing that the internet came around some time in 1989, it's about time. But, that's not to say you will ever get a response...I have yet to send in a COMMENT form and receive a reply in return...even when asking for business from companies...But, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

After all, hope is the last to die.

Tante Belle Cose - Sept08

Well, this month has been filled with good news--largely because in September, my free papers returned to print, so, I've been able to find the good news to begin with! But, above and beyond the fact that Alitalia got it's flight license renewed (and you know, in some circles, that's not such good news), here are a few choice pickings:


TrenItalia caved to pressure and rescinded its dog ban...Trevor is quite pleased about this one. And don't worry, all you non-dog people out there, he still prefers traveling in his doggy bag.
In the meantime, no one over there can truly explain how those dozens of dogs wreak more havoc than those millions of passengers...

Speaking of cleaning things up...my very own late night drives around town can confirm that the prostitutes are out of business (at least the street walkers, anyway). Rome's mayor started giving fines to those who stopped for a "chat" and, lo and behold...business was down.
Not that he truly resolved the issue -- turns out they've just set up shop outside the city limits.

The EU has brought down the ax on the Telecoms Companies -- stating that the charge for text messaging (sms) is out of hand and out of line. Naturally, Italian sms msgs cost even more than the rest of the Europe. So, look for declining phone bills shortly.
Perhaps because Italy is the land of Dante, Cicero, poets and priests...could it be that our messages are just longer, thus justifying the cost?

And, Italy finally joins most of the real world, in that little children can finally take their mothers' last names. This is Big Stuff and all the more important given the divorce rate.
Although, it did lead one commentator to speculate, 'what with the Mamma-society we already are, what will be left now for Dear ol'Dad??'

CAI TAKES OFF

Well, the dado è stato tirato, or the dice have been thrown (or better yet, the towel's been thrown into the ring...) and they're busy repainting the planes with the symbol CAI as we speak. Even Armani is probably busy designing new outfits for the crew, too.

In celebration, I would like to provide my very own PINK SLIP report on the sheer numbers of employees who will be let go in order to get the new airline off the ground. I might add, it is this cost and their relative benefits which have brought the airline to its knees... just click on image to expand chart

Alitalia's Reality: Lost or Survivor?

It finally dawned on me what the ups and downs behind the Alitalia deal is truly all about. It seems that it’s the no. 1 Reality Show in town, taking place on a station near you. Will the pilots get voted off the air? Send your text message and we’ll see...Will the show get canceled? They have until midnight on Thursday, no, make it next Monday, no, the end of the month, no, next week…

It seems the entire country is following this reality show day in and day out – but with the disconcerting air that it is all, in fact, unreal. The offers are not truly offers, the buyers are not really who they say they are, the pilots agree then they disagree, then they want to stay, then they will soon be leaving. All brought to you by your sponsor, the Italian taxpayer bailout.

As of today, we have the pilots trying to launch a management buyout (and if that’s not putting the wolves in charge of the hen house I don’t know what is). And, do we really want a motor scooter guy to run an airline? It’s not quite the same thing, is it?

Why they don’t pull the plug is beyond me. Everyone keeps saying 20000 families will end up on the streets. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just like the pseudo stars of reality shows, they’ll get to go on 4 year shopping sprees and sip Margheritas in the Maldives. Pilots will receive 4 years pay scot free, most other employees, around three.

In the meantime, they will get rehired by whomever takes up the slots and the planes and starts flying the friendly skies again. But they get to keep the prize money.

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode.

Alitalia & the (funny) men at the helm

Call me superstitious, but it seems that the aviation industry in Italy truly never got off to a great start. After all, Italy is the land of poets and seamen -- nearly all of the captains and crew of ships sailing the seven seas are Italian. But frankly, I think things started off poorly because of the names—and although Alitalia is a terrific name, it did lend itself well to the epithet: Always Late In Takeoffs, Always Late In Arrivals.

Malpensa (“Ill thought”) Airport never quite took off. It’s now practically out of business. Only AirOne (“Heron”) managed to understand the importance of a good brand; even though it was also the name of an Italian nature magazine.

And so, it has not escaped me, that the people in charge of Alitalia’s revival have names that could errrr … not bode so well for the future of the newly formed Compagnia Aerea Italiana (CAI)*.

We start out okay, with Mr. Passera (“Hedge Sparrow”) from the Banca San Paolo, obviously putting his eggs in one basket, but hoping that others will join his flock and endeavor to let the CAI take to flight.

But, I lose all faith when the man in charge as Commissioner of Alitalia is Augusto Fantozzi -- Fantozzi being a favorite bungling figure of Italy’s film industry, a sort of Mr. Magoo. As Adam, God said to him, "Go out and multiply...as little as possible!"
One of his films was, Fantozzi contro tutti - Fantozzi against the world. Perhaps Augusto should take a look at it to see the outcome…

Next comes the Ministro del Lavoro, and the man who has his pulse on the numbers of people who will either be dismissed or, in the case of bankruptcy, sent home for good. This job is left to the appropriately named, Mr. Sacconi (“large sacks” like garbage bags). Certainly, when they say they’ve been sacked, nothing could be closer to the truth.

And while the white knight in this grouping, the President-to-be of the NewCo, Roberto Colaninno thankfully was christened with a name of no real derivation, I must add though, that the verb, Colare means to strain (unfortunately, not the kind he's doing as we speak, but the kind used for pasta). Precisely what he is trying to do by catching the good bits of Alitalia and basically washing down the drain the others.

But then again, “colare a picco” does mean ‘sinking straight to the bottom.’


*CAI is the name of a long-standing hiking group in Italy. Does this mean that, in the case of flight cancellations we should all just go take a hike?

What goes up...

Well, if we are to believe what we read (and, at this stage in the game, I wouldn’t if I were you), it looks like Alitalia [code-named: la Fenice - the Phoenix] may be rising up from its ashes.

Italy, not used to firings (I even tried to look up the definition of esuberi and it wasn’t in there) is having a hard time swallowing the numbers being thrown around on those whose wings get clipped. Air France started out with 4000. Then, Berlusconi said no one had to go – once again showing his true business sense – and acting a lot more like a communist than an entrepreneur. Next, it was 2000 by the illustrious Fenice group. Like a barometer, yesterday’s reading is around 7000, today it’s 4500.

But, I digress. I really wanted to tell you about my own risk-taking adventure on Alitalia, Rome-London. Risk because I thought if this buyout didn't work out, I may just be stranded in this soggy city for longer than I intended…

At check-in, Alitalia has obviously placed so much faith in technology, there are hundreds of machines to choose from and no one manning the counters. You had a choice between domestic and international. I was going to London thru Milan. Where did I go? Trying domestic, I was sent to international.

After 15 mins. in line watching 6 people chat among themselves while one checked people in, I walk up to the counter and was told it was closed. Just in time for the person behind me to reach the next slot…
Alitalia Flight Crew

On board, we sat on the runway for 90 mins. but were duly informed it was due to security and I was all for it. The personnel (including the pilots) was highly efficient. But considering we were about 80 people in a small plane, I was surprised to find three guys in cabin class. I’ve taken huge Airbuses packed full to South Africa with 300 in cabin class and we didn’t have three flight attendants. These guys were so busy tripping all over themselves that they reminded me of Chip n’Dale: After you, no after you, no you, no you until they both get stuck in the doorway.

Amazingly, on both flights, they couldn’t manage to pick up my trash after refreshments. And me wearing an awfully low cut blouse (but I suppose in retrospect I was barking up the wrong tree…) All I know is that I for one, could make a few recommendations on personnel cuts.

La Fenice…wasn’t that the name of Venice’s famed opera house which burnt to the ground?

Amore per Alitalia

Well, ya gotta hand it to RyanAir. First, they paint "Arriverderci Alitalia" on their planes. Then, they bring British humour to the Neopolitans by advertising, "Don't pay taxes! (for garbage removal & on flights)! Now, they've got the entire country in a tizzy for reprinting Minister Bossi's casual gesture, basically citing that by supporting high cost Alitalia, the country officials are basically saying (see gesture) to passengers.
Problem is, RyanAir's right. And therein lies the controversy.

The government, after giving away untold thousands of taxpayers' money to their friendly "Banker Consultants" over at San Paolo di Torino, received word from their trusty financial advisors that: a) Alitalia was indeed bankrupt, b) they'd have to cut jobs (even more than Air France had allowed), and c) they needed to sell the Company. Wow. Truly earth shattering news.

So now, the truth's out: it's not really about Alitalia at all, but about how Berlusconi and his cronies can shake a bit more moolah out of its airplane piggy bank. Now, if only the Italians will stop waxing nostalgic over having an "Italian flag carrier" (never mind a bloated, costly and inefficient one) and realize this basic truth.

To pay for Alitalia's debts, the government has legitimized its own Ponzy scheme whereby they give 300 million to Alitalia, and then gauge the populace (the ones who pay taxes) to pony up more to Alitalia in order to cover the debt, and, now the huge EU levy on the illegal "loan" to start with.

And, with his characteristic chutzpah, Berlusconi asks the people to keep flying Alitalia, thereby paying even more into its coffers...Why Italians don't ask for their money back is beyond me, or, in the very least, a taxpayer discount on flights. But never fear, our White Knight is going to see it through.
No one ever denied that he wasn't a marketing magnate (just check out his Forza Italia campaign he brilliantly put out years ago, months before announcing he was running for Prime Minister of the newly formed Forza Italia party).

His new solution? "We've come up with a slogan" -- nothing like taking real action toward cutting your losses. How much did they pay the PR Consultants from the kitty to come up with this one?

Io amo Italia, io volo Alitalia.

Now that's amore.

Italy: what goes up must go down

Readers of the blog will know that I have a few obsessions (while people who know me know that the number is somewhere in the hundreds)...So, I thought I'd provide, from time to time, the lowdown on whassup with the hottest issues of the day (and, to that anonymous reader...I apologize, Mara Carfagna is not one of them).

Alitalia -- It's fallen so far off the radar that I thought that maybe it just died a silent death, akin to the $60M www.italia.it website (Berlusconi-Stanca's folly) after the last govt pulled the plug. Even the opposition in Parliament brought it up the other day -- on one of the local talk shows -- called Chi l'ha visto? (Who's seen it??). It's still flying, right?

But, never fear, AirOne (my fave airline) is picking up the slack with its awesome new made-in-Italy ad campaign. Taking you to new heights as they show us a few guys -- walking, no less -- to an oil platform...Obviously, they're talking about the price of fuel...
Monnezzopoli (Garbage City) -- While the local officials scratch their collective heads wondering why the tourists aren't flocking to their proud city, it looks like the garbage is overflowing again. The Germans, who took all the excess and recycled 99.9% of it without burning a single celery stick have had their proverbial fill. The government is sticking its foot down and opening the 10 designated sites to riots and protests. But, not only are they arresting protestors, they've arrested 25 people from the last government on a series of charges from favoring the camorra to damaging the State.

And this govt wants to build four nuclear reactors? They can't get rid of our Coke cans & coffee grounds let alone find places to bury nuclear waste...
What comes up must come down -- First, they're taking down the (invisible) elevators of the Vittoriano -- they're an eyesore...Now, they want to dismantle the Ara Pacis (see photo in left column). The Mayor wants to issue a referendum on the matter...

Seeing that the new City Govt. inherited record deficits, they obviously can't think of things to do with all the cash in the city coffers.

Alitalia's Turbulent Ride

Just in case you’ve been too absorbed by the Obama-Clinton rollercoaster ride, I thought I’d give a brief rundown on the ups and downs of the buyout of crippled and overbloated Alitalia. My faithful readers will know that Air France left the negotiating table. But then, instead of giving Alitalia a final coup de grace, the Italian government gave it a shot – of money -- in the form of a 300M euro dubious ‘bridge loan’ instead.

Suspicious, because, the amount of money the Italian government already gives to feed this carrier’s habit, the loan starts to reek an awful lot like ‘government subsidy’ – something fairly anathema to the EU. If we’re not careful, you’ll soon see pilots parking their planes on highway exit ramps in protest throughout the Ile de France.

So, in what was at first a miracle from John Paul II himself -- bringing into the country much-needed foreign investment in the form of an Air France deal – turned out to be a bad case of sibling rivalry—Sì, the country needs foreign investment, just not from the oo là là French…

Then, Berlusconi weighed in on the importance of having a ‘national airline’ (Why? One must ask, and, what about Air One? Is it Jamaican or something?). He then said he’d form an ‘Italian buyout’. Too bad all of the banks he said would do the deal, promptly said they wouldn’t.

He then suggested his own children would be part of a crack business team…Turns out, they were obviously too busy planning their marriages to members of the hoi polloi in an effort to lift the country out of economic decline, to actually take part.

And so, Berlusconi then announced a deal with that most Italian of carriers, Russia’s Aeroflot. Considering the number of prostitutes Italy gets from that country—perhaps they’d found new meaning for the Mile High Club. One look at the corruption surrounding both countries and hey, they could pass for blood brothers – it’d be an Italian job after all.

But even the Russians didn’t want this hot potato. So Berlusconi came ‘round to the idea that, voilà! A deal with Air France wasn’t such a bad idea…so he invited them back to the table, as if it was his in the first place.

Perhaps he’s promised a few more Carla Brunis to marry a few French ministers, perhaps even the Minister of Transport – And ecco! Fraternitè!

One Down (Almost), Two to Go

At the stroke of the (randomly fixed) midnight, the Air France-Alitalia deal was off the table. Both sides agreed to one thing, though; to abandon the talks and walk out in tandem, in disgust over a third party's improbable proposition (one that had nothing -- absolutely nothing -- to do with the financial deal, nor administration of the Company). Alitalia's President resigned in disgust, citing, "the only thing that can save Alitalia now is an exorcist." And as if on cue, today's paper ran a full page interview with a very busy priest engaging in such practices.
Perhaps he should have been at the table instead.

All of this melodrama, because of the unions, who have been feeding at the trough for decades now, are still gluttons for more.

Although my not-so-secret desire is to see Alitalia, lying belly up like an overturned turtle, rudders flapping in the wind coming off the runway, it would appear that the unions are inflicted with a serious disconnect. I hope they're all sent home to watch reality TV 24/7 'til the end of their days. Now that would make a good 'reality check'.

That leaves my last two monopolies, Agip & Telecom to see crumble under the weight of their own shoddy business practices. [Although I confess, I have ended my personal boycott of Agip Gas, as they have the lowest prices in town -- but it's still a matter of knowing which stations to avoid -- the ones with pumps running on speed dial. I may even provide you with such a list, but first I must talk to my legal advisors about the laws governing defamation.]

As for Telecom Italia, it is an entire conglomerate founded on the Mafia principal of extortion. They have been milking their customers since the day Meucci got a dial tone.

Instead of actually growing a business, they have been perfecting their decades-long practice of inflated bills, false advertising, shoddy telephones (no returns), worse installation, and gauging the customer by forcing them to purchase over-priced and faulty modems. Only just today they received an injunction for hiding 899 numbers (high-priced 900 numbers) in their internet service in order to bill clients hundreds in dialups, unbeknownst to them.

Up until 1994, customers weren't even able to view their call details (although Telecom seemed to know exactly how much you spent and where). Nowadays, they mask your calls by printing out only the first few digits ("right to privacy" they claim--ignoring the obvious fact that you dialed that private number in the first place).

Every time I get a poor salesgirl on the line trying to get me to switch back to Telecom, I explain that I won't rest until I see her Company owned by Deutsch Telecom. Heck, even Bolivian Telecom would be an improvement.
Let's see if this little wish doesn't one day come true.

La Campagna d'(Al)Italia - The AlItalian Campaign

And so it was, or, so it seemed to be*, that Air France has finally won approval to take over Alitalia (for whatever reason, it behooves me).

Charging right over those Alps and through the muck, just like Napoleon before them, here come the French to save the day. Sure, Air France is the only other company on the entire earth that knows what it’s getting into: both companies, after all, are suffocated by angry unions, pulled down by seriously over-bloated ranks, marked by surly service and destroyed by rampant strikes. Unsurprisingly, their’s was the only offer on the table.

And just like those early battles alongside the Savoys so long ago, the first decisive battle is once again taking place on Novara soil, while they're busy fortifying the ramparts further down in Rome:

They’re building a multi-million euro addition to the poorly named Fiumicino or Leonardo Da Vinci Airport (take your pick); and sacrificing the best thing that ever happened to Italy - the even more incredibly ill-named, Malpensa (literally: Ill-thought) Airport. Despite its outrageous moniker, it is the engine that drives the entire economy, it is the saving grace of travelers far and wide. After all, it was not so long ago, that to come in & out of Italy, one had to take a puddle jumper over to Rome. This is their attack plan.

Capitulating to their new overlords, the Italians wasted no time in shutting down a third of the flights, just before tourist season. In a sick game of sour grapes, reminiscent of the way they ousted the Austrians in the 1800s, Italy refuses to let the Irish low-cost airline, RyanAir, gain a foothold on Italian soil.

With Milan’s fashion industry trying to maintain its competitive edge, while Fiat is making a comeback, while they’re building bigger and better trade show grounds, while foreign companies are still setting up their headquarters, the French – Roman alliance wants to put an end to it all by squeezing out its only northern gateway to business.

Perhaps the French should take note that, despite his numerous conquests, Napoleon in the end abdicated and was exiled to the Italian Isle of Elba.


*Incredibly, the guy whose stature, chutzpah & sheer arrogance is reminiscent of the Emperor Napoleon, Berlusconi, has just thrown a wrench in the deal stating he wishes now to take over Alitalia. To tell you the truth, it may be an improvement -- since he’s a Milanese – at least he’ll keep the airport running, if only for his own private jets (the modern day equivalent of the Bonaparte stables).

But, the Air France officials can supply a rebuff of their very own Napoleon who claimed, as he won the Italian crown: "Dio me l’ha data, guai a chi la tocca! "

[God has given this to me, and for whomever so may touch it, there will be serious trouble.”]