Advertising in Italy: My personal Cleo* Awards

Italy is known for its creative genius, probably a notch above the norm. So, I'm starting to think...that in this Brain Drain we've been having over the last few decades, that they're not the engineers and architects, pizza guys and researchers who've been leaving in droves: They are the people who are supposed to come up with terrific ads - so grande, in fact, that we actually want to go out and purchase something we don't need. Any long time readers of my blog or book will know that I believe the entire country needs a crash course in Marketing 101. So, here's the latest in the good, the bad, and the downright rotten in terms of my line of vision (since I thankfully have no TV):

Dishonorable Mention • Carrefour Supermarkets

This August, when the streets have emptied, the store fronts have closed, a 25+ year dream of mine came true - A supermarket open 24 hrs. Why they picked the only time of year in which no human beings are in town to do so has kept me up nights. And while I'm thrilled to drop in at a reasonable 10pm or 11pm, really? We're going to go from supermarkets just making it til Sunday morning all the way over to 24/7 in one fell swoop? Talk about Culture Shock. It's like giving Africans iPhone 6s without walking them through land lines first. 

But seeing that we all have long-abandoned Carrefour years ago when the crisis hit and their prices just kept going up to make up for the lost sales to the Austrian discount chains, it's going to be my neat little secret. No advertising, I can just see the September marketing meeting. 

- What? You're telling me you sold 6 boxes of cous-cous and 14 tomatoes in all of August???

-- No, Sir, there was one American who purchased a box of Corn Flakes and some almond milk too.

The Sloppy Seconds Award • Name Withheld

I wish I could have recorded look on the faces of the (very) elderly couple as they approached their car after coming home from vacation. The husband quickly tossed the advert off the windshield, but his wife, not missing a beat, asked him wth???
Now. This could be genius marketing, especially if we were living in 79AD and phalluses were really the in thing. Every home had them depicted on walls, they were sticking out of funerary monuments, and carefully crafted on every statue. But it's 2015.
And I don't know who did their focus groups...but, someone's got to tell these dick heads that generally speaking, it's women who a) make the purchase decisions of households b) decide to go out to eat and c) pick the place. The guy just drives and pays.
And, conducting my own personal poll of about one, I can confidently attest that when a guy asks you out to eat, and even though the Milanese have a tidy expression for what comes for dessert (Cina, Cena, Ciula - Movie, Dinner, Sex), there is nary a woman who thinks - Andiamo! - about having her date's piece in her mouth when she'd rather help herself to a plate of carbonara. So, guys, let her enjoy her meal first. Just saying.

The Malpensa Award • The Latium Region 
[in honour of Milan's Malpensa - Illthought - Airport where you will always find adverts to fly in/out of there, as if you have any other choice]

This ad has been plastered all over buses and bus stops all around Rome & environs. It boasts of all the great things our marvelous region has to offer; the riches, the gastronomy, I'm sure making a big splash while I type at the Milan Expo2015. The words across the top say This is just a Taste. Brilliant.
But the caption reads, Come and check us out at the Expo - You'll want to get to know us even better. Better than what? Or shall I say, whom? Better than someone who - ahhhh - LIVES in Latium? Better than someone who regularly visits the beaches? Drinks wine from the Castelli? Heads over to the thermal baths? So, yes, come up to the Milan Expo so you can take a look at what is in your very backyard. Glad to see our tax dollars at work.

Most Improved Advert Award • Binacci Arredamenti (Furniture)

Although I'm going to mourn my morning LOL every time I left with the dog and got a glimpse of the latest narcissistic attack by Mr Binacci, this Feel Happy campaign is just great (save for its use of English - ugh). No more seeing him live out his 007 James Bond dreams, his Star Wars (or was it Star Trek?) fantasies, light saber and all...
But for those of you who might be nostalgic, I've already documented some of his follies in previous blogs entitled Advertising Age (live link). And did I mention he's trying to sell us a kitchen? 


*The Clio Awards are for the Ad Industry, but my new baby kitty is Cleopatra

Business Weak

This past week a lot happened in Italy’s business world. I thought I’d give you a brief rundown:

The first week of operation of the new! (but obviously not improved) Alitalia started with … a strike.
Always quite comforting to know that some things are quite stable in our unstable world.

Tied to this is the heady Milan meeting in which the government and flight partners asked that Linate airport be closed down (this proposal has been - thankfully - and steadfastedly refused).
Milan’s Linate is a 20 min. drive to the city center, versus 40 mins. (on a good day) for Malpensa. It only makes sense, with all those businesspeople flying back & forth from Rome, Naples, Bari and Palermo to add a few extra hours to their day. Perhaps the motto can be: “Malpensa: Keeping Italy Unproductive”.

And of course, the biggest news is the Chrysler – FIAT partnership. Now—you know you’re in deep doo-doo when pairing up with FIAT is your best option.
I hope that they bring America the cute little FIAT ‘500, or Topolino, which in my opinion is the best design to come out of Italy – ever. And, with all those Chrysler dealers around, FIAT might not suffer from their poor image which brought the moniker, Fix It Again Tony.

Happy Malpensa Day!

Today, according to the newspapers, is Malpensa Day. It's a fine day to be celebrating, since even the workers who planned to strike in an effort to keep it open (go figure), struck out.
That's because our ill-thought airport was closed due to inclement weather. As one politician remarked the last time the airport closed because of a snowstorm..."They built the airport at the foot of the Alps and are caught off guard when it snows in the wintertime?" A man after my own heart.
But today, meetings were held about its fate, when flights have been reduced already to 1/10 of what they once were.
I am still holding out that Malpensa stays afloat. I can't fathom the economics behind it, but, I still love it. Besides, it's not at fault for starting out with fowl Feng Shui...My solution? Change the name to Benpensa and see what comes next. In the meantime, I'll light a candle for you...Happy Malpensa Day!

Malpensa-on life support

Monday marked the first day that Malpensa Airport was running sans Alitalia. Which meant, in short, that it was running a lot more smoothly. Having cut traffic by about 70%, for the first time since the airport opened everyone got their bags – and, in under an hour.

But, really, they keep talking about reducing the costs of operating: so now they’ve sent home thousands of workers for 2 years – with pay. At least for the baggage handlers, all of whom got to keep their jobs even after being caught with their hands in well, other people's trousers, so to speak, this is tantamount to a paid vacation. They’ll finally get a chance to use all the terrific high tech gadgets they’ve been pilfering for years.

In Rome, on the other hand, things weren’t as bad as Heathrow’s Terminal 5* (so much for the supposed impeccable British organization)…but, of course, there were lines for check-in and lines for luggage. Needless to say, all easily resolvable if they’d just hire a few people, but naaaahhhh – obviously too much trouble.

And as if on cue, today it was announced that Milan won the hosting of Expo 2015. Not such great news for the hundreds of thousands of people they expect who will all be re-routed through Rome.
Or perhaps, in 7 years’ time, they’ll finally let the foreign carriers pick up some of the now-empty slots.

*And in a true twist of Strange but True happenings, the problems at Terminal 5 are so great, they're actually going to -- and I hope you're seated as you read this -- send the bags to Milan's Malpensa for sorting!!!! I think someone forgot to tell BAA that the baggage people are home watching TV - and getting paid for it. One truly has to note that problems must be pretty bad up there across the channel for the Brits to rely on the Italians for organization...

It’s no wonder they call parts of the airport Terminal.

La Campagna d'(Al)Italia - The AlItalian Campaign

And so it was, or, so it seemed to be*, that Air France has finally won approval to take over Alitalia (for whatever reason, it behooves me).

Charging right over those Alps and through the muck, just like Napoleon before them, here come the French to save the day. Sure, Air France is the only other company on the entire earth that knows what it’s getting into: both companies, after all, are suffocated by angry unions, pulled down by seriously over-bloated ranks, marked by surly service and destroyed by rampant strikes. Unsurprisingly, their’s was the only offer on the table.

And just like those early battles alongside the Savoys so long ago, the first decisive battle is once again taking place on Novara soil, while they're busy fortifying the ramparts further down in Rome:

They’re building a multi-million euro addition to the poorly named Fiumicino or Leonardo Da Vinci Airport (take your pick); and sacrificing the best thing that ever happened to Italy - the even more incredibly ill-named, Malpensa (literally: Ill-thought) Airport. Despite its outrageous moniker, it is the engine that drives the entire economy, it is the saving grace of travelers far and wide. After all, it was not so long ago, that to come in & out of Italy, one had to take a puddle jumper over to Rome. This is their attack plan.

Capitulating to their new overlords, the Italians wasted no time in shutting down a third of the flights, just before tourist season. In a sick game of sour grapes, reminiscent of the way they ousted the Austrians in the 1800s, Italy refuses to let the Irish low-cost airline, RyanAir, gain a foothold on Italian soil.

With Milan’s fashion industry trying to maintain its competitive edge, while Fiat is making a comeback, while they’re building bigger and better trade show grounds, while foreign companies are still setting up their headquarters, the French – Roman alliance wants to put an end to it all by squeezing out its only northern gateway to business.

Perhaps the French should take note that, despite his numerous conquests, Napoleon in the end abdicated and was exiled to the Italian Isle of Elba.


*Incredibly, the guy whose stature, chutzpah & sheer arrogance is reminiscent of the Emperor Napoleon, Berlusconi, has just thrown a wrench in the deal stating he wishes now to take over Alitalia. To tell you the truth, it may be an improvement -- since he’s a Milanese – at least he’ll keep the airport running, if only for his own private jets (the modern day equivalent of the Bonaparte stables).

But, the Air France officials can supply a rebuff of their very own Napoleon who claimed, as he won the Italian crown: "Dio me l’ha data, guai a chi la tocca! "

[God has given this to me, and for whomever so may touch it, there will be serious trouble.”]