Tante Belle Cose - What's new in Italy

As short as it was, in February lots of new, exciting things happened in the Bel Paese. 

First, was my re-discovery of Calve's Peanut Butter on Roman supermarket shelves.  Brought to you by those trusted purveyors of cheap imitation condiments beloved by junk-food Americans (like Mayo, ketchup & mustard), I don't know how this fell off my radar (although a peanut allergy might have something to do with it).  Or maybe it was because I was keeping a lookout for Burro di Arachidi instead of the real McCoy?

But even better than finding peanut butter would of course be finding Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  Alas, instead, I found Italy's State-run TV, RAI backing down on its quest for our TV Tax dollars.  They've decided not to send the rottweilers of Equitalia after anyone peering at any transmittable image; meaning placing a user's tax on computers, mobile phones, tablets, and anything that actually shows 'talkies' (or, in a nod to this year's Oscars, even silent films).  They will only expect the tax on computers sold as TVs (think: AppleTV).


And, while things are coming down (except gas prices and taxes), there's talk that the divorce law will finally come in line with normal country standards.  You still won't be able to nab a Vegas divorce, but you might be able to break the ties that bind within 1 year, 2 if you have kids.  In the old days it was something like 7.  Lately, I believe it's three.  Let's hope for the sake of sanity that this is one law that actually gets enforced.


In Aquila, three years after the devastating earthquake, musicians & composers got together and put on an opera in the house.  They've been performing in Teramo & Chieti, but gave a concert for their hometown that had the misfortune of being adopted by Berlusconi & the Italian State just after the G20 show held there.  Let's just say that Berlusca's showgirls Ruby & Co. got a lot more money and a lot more facelifts than nostra povera Aquila.  Check out the foto here.  But what was really terrific about the show, was a piece written by a young composer, Frecciarotta (Broken Arrow), a piece that takes the piss out of the Frecciarossa (Red Arrow) Italian train system.


And finally, anyone longing for days gone by can find real-life emperors being lifted about in their litters while enjoying the sights of Rome right next to the Centurions who want to get your tourist dollar for a nice photo opp.  Well, almost.  I had heard that the City of Rome was inaugurating a service to carry tourists on a sort of litters into the least accessible areas, like the Forum.  It may be on offer, but no search engine could find the news in less than two days after it broke.  Ahhh...some things never change -- like keeping the disabled out of sight and out of mind.

The Flooding of Genoa & the Cinque Terre...A pre-announced tragedy?

"In 1970 the same flooding occurred and 44 people died in the mud.  The lesson went unlearned.  Little or nothing has changed as we have seen in Genoa.  Politicians talk about building a bridge to Messina while sitting infirm when it comes to investing in our basic infrastructure.  We continue building haphazardly without any consideration for the societal or environmental risks, without thinking of services nor the caprice of Mother Nature.

There's not an Italian alive who wasn't left in utter astonishment in the face of an event that we were not only waiting for, but we thought we would be totally prepared for once it hit.  Yet once again we were presented with a tragedy in three parts: mediocrity, charlatanism, and superficiality.  

What must happen before our Country can one day count on an modicum of seriousness and rigor?  Upon efficiency and a sense of responsibility?  When will we became a civilized Country?  

Each and every time a disaster occurs in Italy, like clockwork, we uncover an absolute sewer festering underneath.  Just think about the garbage in Naples, the Aquila earthquake, and the squalid, criminal speculation that time and again reveals its ugly head.  There are thousands of examples.

Who knows what other miseries are lurking just below the devastation of Genoa!"

--- Excerpt from an opinion column "Tragedia che si doveva evitare" (An Avoidable Tragedy) by Vincenzo Cerami of the Rome newspaper, il  Messaggero on the Genoa floods in which authorities claimed the tragedy (6 dead) could not have been avoided.  

After the U.S. GOP blocked a $60 billion bill for infrastructure spending recently in the USA this week, we could well say the same thing (I'm thinking of New Orleans, or the flooding across the U.S.).

You can check out the Yahoo! Video Gallery of the disaster here

Italy 2010 - The Best & Worst of a Year in Review

Following is my serendipitous selection of the Good-Buono, the Bad & the Ugly-Brutto of Life in Italy 2010.  Feel free to add your own.

milano
buono      Milan’s train station grows up – and starts adding slick services & fancy stores for passengers.
brutto       You’ll have to count on those stores for your water supply…Milan has ripped out all the fountains all around town (you know, the ones from which water flows out all day & night) because people were – gasp! – taking advantage of the freely flowing H2O and using it to wash their cars, while the homeless got cleaned up.
While I’m all for not wasting water in today’s day & age, I’d like someone to please tell me that the clean water isn’t just flowing freely underneath our feet and that shelters now provide showers.

roma
buono      Rome turned into ‘Roma Capitale’ following other capital cities in their pursuit of providing more cohesive tourist services and so on under one umbrella. Add to this a number of free evenings to the major attractions throughout the year (and the Vatican museums deserve a shout out for their night openings as well – and still free on the last Sunday of each month), and the latest announcement -- you get in free on your birthday! (Trust me, I’ll be testing their meddle on the upcoming missing Leap Day & see how the ticket agents react...) 

For now, I'll hold off judgment seeing that the latest free evenings at State-run museums in Rome, were not mentioned anywhere on the Roma capitale nor rome city websites – shame on them.

Jan 1^st also marks the day that ‘no more plastic bags’ will be used by stores – large & small – even green grocer market stands.  Not exactly true, as we’ll just be using biodegradable plastic bags.  Hopefully, it will be heavily enforced by the authorities like the hugely successful anti-smoking law.  But so far, I’ve been handed regular plastic bags, but hey, it’s only a few days in…

Activists from Retake Rome finally taking the rampant & ridiculous graffiti into their own hands – and gaining the interest (perhaps by disgracing them into action) of the Mayor's office as well.  But, will they make a long-lasting impression?  Too early to tell.

brutto     January 1^st also marks the day that tourists will start paying a tourist tax, with an increase of 1 euro at all museum entrances (not to mention at the hotels) – “To pay for all the terrific services we have in mind to offer.”  As if the 20% VAT on all that isn’t already covered.  I start losing my mind every time I think about this, so, if you want my long-winded opinion on the entire tourist tax scam, click here (or find it under Caveat Emptor on the right hand column on my blog page).

firenze/florence

buono     Turned its Piazza Duomo into a pedestrian area – and it’s wonderful.

brutto      Outlawed eating in that same inviting area and no sitting on the church steps. It's an effort to keep illegal immigrants & the homeless away, but ultimately hurts the millions of tourists who just want to take a break in a breathtaking area.

pompeii

buono      Authorities will be investigating the reasons why none of the dozens of archeologists on site could forecast the felling of the buildings.

brutto       That they fell in the first place.  Besides, the cases will probably take so long, we may never know the reasons why nor prevent it from happening again (Save building a rooftop over the entire place - a solution I'm sure the local Camorra is pushing for...)

napoli/naples

buono       Sell out shows by Saviano, the Gomorrah author both live and in TV audiences and the courage that this man has to name the most well-known secret in Italy.

brutto        That the trash piles up again for all the world to see -- along with the Neopolitans’ pat refusal to recycle, open up dumps, or see to it that those same dumps aren’t run by the mob & toxic waste isn't spilled in their path.

italy

buono        Mrs. Berlusconi finally decided not to ‘stand by her man’ – collecting her pieces and leaving the game.  Her example of walking out of the marriage farce may finally set thousands of cuckholded women and millions of ‘separati in casa’ free (of course, it eases the pain of leaving when you walk out with bags full of your Monopoly money).

brutto         Silvio’s economic plan for the underemployed youth of his time, reiterated throughout the year, “Marry rich.” 

buono        A 3hr. train ride from rome to Milan.

brutto          The price of that train ride.

Thanks for the packages, I can't wait to empty them out (Boxes carry Union labels)

with its foray into America, fiat becomes a strange source of pride for all & sundry, while taking on the unions, who have done their fare share of damage to Italy’s productivity.  and, continuing to give us colorful little 500s, they keep the love alive…

the advent of consumer’s associations. finally exercising their muscle, and getting results – on class action suits and otherwise. go to their websites to see who they’re going after.

many young women being the pride of Italy and winning competitions in fencing, tennis and swimming, among others.

prosecco outsells champagne this holiday season

brutto

Losing in the world cup along with their display of fakery on the pitch was a double-header of disgrace.

Young women who want to be showgirls or politicians (or both!) fueling the macho- man legacy and a sad statement for the future of Italy.

Aquila still in piles of rubble. But, I’m not one to complain – Ground Zero is still an open pit and New Orleans has not returned to its former self.

the last word

Blue mozzarella & fuchsia ricotta – Colorful rainbows aside, why are we importing cheeses from Germany?  Talk about a carbon footprint!

An Italian going up into outer space – for 6 months, no less.

Arrest & sequester of hundreds of mafia men & their properties

Movies set in Italy, The American, The Tourist, Eat-Pray-Love

What did you love or hate about events in Italy this year?

Letter from Aquila

Yesterday, the disheartened - and hardening - citizens of earthquake-ravaged Aquila, took to the streets; this time, not to shovel out in wheelbarrows the detritus of their homes, but to protest in Rome about the slow pace (some would say a stock-still  pace) of reconstruction.  And while about 16000 citizens have returned to makeshift habitats there, it seems the only one who got a fabulous apartment in a pre-war building was the head of the buildings projects - but his swanky place 'gifted' by builders was on Rome's haughty via Giulia.
And so, I bring a guest post from the daughter of one Joshua Lawrence* who generally muses about great eats, myriad experiences, and other issues of our times -- including drawing attention to the Aquilani's plight.

Sofia’s Letter – A Year After L’Aquila’s Earthquake

My daughter’s letter to Davide, the classmate who the Earthquake took away. As we near April 6th, the one-year anniversary of the earthquake that drove us from our home in L’Aquila’s historical center, I’d like to break with the normal subject of food-experiences in Italy and instead share the letter that Sofia, my daughter, wrote to a classmate she lost to the disaster. It was part of a school project and she was asked to read it aloud in front of Giustino Parisse, a journalist from L’Aquila who had lost both his children that night. He published it the next day in Il Centro, Abruzzo’s largest daily newspaper, and Sammy from Life In Abruzzo, an excellent English language website on this region of Italy where I live.
I’m only publishing Sofia’s letter here. For the rest of the article, to find out how you can help, and to just leave a note there too, please visit http://www.lifeinabruzzo.com/laquila-remembered-sofia-letter/ .
Grazie.

Joshua Lawrence

******

Dear Davide,

Almost a year has passed since that night. You know, I was really scared. Everything was trembling: our house, the beds, the furniture, my heart, everything. I made my way out of my house, hurting my feet as I walked over fragments of plaster from our walls and glass from the picture frames and lamps. A boom, a deafening roar filled the air, making it heavy, unbearable.

Every other sound seemed to reach my ears through cotton, distant, far away. Everything was falling: the buildings crumbled, people were jumping from their windows looking – in those crazed moments – for a way to escape from the invincible force that was selfishly dragging my city into the deepest of darkness.

I perceived these things so strangely, I knew what was happening but all the same a remote part of me refused to believe it was real. I jumped into our car with my sister. I didn’t know why, but I hoped that after I got in, it would all be over. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out as I had hoped.

The earth kept on shaking, sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but trembling always. The night seemed endless and when the day reappeared from behind the mountains I could hardly believe it. I had no idea what was going on beyond our car, but I was sure that it was something horrible.

After we picked up Grandma and drove to Navelli, the news arrived. That news, the news that would make me cry every day that followed and when the tears stopped wetting my cheeks I would still feel that same heavy emptiness, ever present deep in my soul. The phone rang for thirty unending seconds before my Mum answered. She stayed silent as she listened. It was something bad, because the expression on her face changed suddenly, from distraught to terrible suffering. When she hung up, I listened to her. I didn’t want to believe what she was saying; I didn’t want to believe that voice that kept telling me that you were gone, that you had flown to Heaven, that you had left us forever. I didn’t want to believe it, I couldn’t.

As my Mum hugged me and we cried, I played back all the moments I passed with you. School, class trips, the oral tests in class, the handball games, the playground in Piazza Pasquale Paoli and the games in Piazza Duomo, the walks along the Corso, the afternoons at the ice skating pavilion. Now that I think back on it, the two of us were not all that similar: you were a little arrogant and sometimes overbearing, I was so proud and independent, but the time we spent arguing seems to me now so terribly sweet, so strangely beautiful.

When you were here I never fully noticed you strengths: you were sweet and sensitive, even though it was rarely seen at just a first glance; you were also cheerful and carefree, you didn’t care what others thought of you, you were simple in spirit and sincere in your feelings. I have your smile printed in my mind, your laughter fills my ears when things are difficult for me and they help me make it through.

I’m sorry you’re not here, close to me. I’m sorry to have to give you the bad news. All of the places that hosted times we spent together are no longer there. It’s painful for me to say our Piazza Duomo is now occupied by large white tents, our Piazza Paoli is now full of holes and our porticoes are fenced off, our school is broken. The historical centre was closed for a long time and when they opened up part of it the scene was chilling. They are slowly opening the center, piece by piece, but there was rubble everywhere.

A month ago the people of L’Aquila began to complain, and these complaints lead to the “Wheelbarrow Revolt” and slowly they are freeing the city of the rubble. It’s important to me to tell you all this because I know how much you cared about this city, and I’m sure that you would be happier knowing that it has not been abandoned or forgotten.

Before I sign off, I want to tell you that the times we spent together have helped make me a person who reflects more on things and tries to help others. In a certain sense I’ve grown more mature. Thank you, because with you I spent some beautiful moments, enjoyed some really fun days and played wonderful games, Thank you for being part of my life and thank you for staying on the heart, soul and mind of those of us who experienced life with you. Thank you for your laughter which raises our spirits when the pain fills our souls. Thank you for everything. Please remember the people who loved you and who keep on loving you forever. Many hugs and kisses to your mamma and your little brother too.

With enormous affection,

Sofia Lawrence
March 21st, 2010

*You can find Joshua's musings on Facebook, or on Carbonara Wordpress (whose link is on left hand column)

Italy's New Austerity Program - A dedication

Everyone would probably be in agreement that the Abruzzo region, hit last year by the devastating earthquake which uprooted hundreds of thousands, would be living as they say, 'hand to mouth' right about now.  At least that's true for the hapless residents, the Abruzzi diaspora currently living in temporary quarters (while asking, 15 months on, just how temporary is temporarily?).  With reconstruction money flowing in (but admittedly, without reconstruction), we are not without our share of scandals - But this one takes the cake:

On the eve of Berlusconi's cost-cutting - belt-tightening squeeze, it was reported that the Region's officials - all 11 of them - gifted themselves spanking new 'auto blu'; the private cars sporting sirens that whisk politicians to and from their mistresses' apartments official visits around the area.  These cars, with a price tag of 22,000 euros ($30,000) per month come complete with plasma tvs so their escorts guests aren't bored while they officiate over another photo opp.  Enough money to rebuild at least something - how about the TV store for starters (as a sort of note of thanks), or, a bit of sidewalk in Aquila alone. 

To these politicians, and on behalf of all Italians everywhere, I'd like to dedicate a song which I believe best expresses the sentiments*



If you can't see video above, here is the link

Dirty White Boy lyrics

Hey, baby, if you're feelin' down   ‘cuz you ain’t got no home to go to
I know what's good for you all day   ‘cuz I’m your elected official
Are you worried what your friends see?   Don’t worry, they’ll get over it
Will it ruin your reputation lovin' me?   So you voted for me, so what?

'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
Yeah a dirty white boy
A dirty white boy

Don't drive no big black car   Are you kidding? I got me an auto-blu with driver!!!
Ain't like no Hollywood movie star   Hell, even Paris Hilton drives her own ride
You want me to be true to you   Just because you voted for me? Pffffhhhhhh
You don't give a damn what I do to you   Because you don’t protest loud enough or long enough - and no matter what you say, my car is staying!

I'm just a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy

Well, I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
A dirty white boy

I've been in trouble since I don't know when   Well, since the earthquake, actually
I'm in trouble now and I know somehow I'll find trouble again   If you count trouble as things that fall apart that I can cash in on
I'm a loner, but I'm never alone   No, my mistress is usually right by my side (after all, she’s my secretary)
Every night I get one step closer to the danger zone   If my wife finds out, it’s tee time with Tiger! (better hide those golf clubs…)

'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy

*song applicable also to Tony Hayward, CEO of BP Petroleum, Bernie Madoff, Ken Lay, all the Wall Streeters (with a special mention of derivatives traders & Goldman Sachs), Tanzi of Parmalat, and a list far too long to mention here.

A friend informs me that Italy has over 600,000 auto blu paid for by taxpayers.  A country as vast as France?  35,000.

And, for another Abruzzo town, the town of Teramo, whose entire Mayoral office swapped their auto blu for bicycles, I will dedicate another song, Sheryl Crow's version of Here comes the Sun for the Bee Movie.

Tante Belle, errr Brutte Cose - Earthquake Edition

Seeing that February is cut short this year (and I don't get a birthday), I decided this month to skip my Tante Belle Cose -- even though some nice things happened this month -- women running for office, my receiving a check for overpayment from the ACEA electric company (after 6 months), and, the best news, they took down the second ugliest sculpture ever to be made by human (in)genius - right out of my nearby piazza.

So here were are, still reeling from Haiti when now we have Chile.  But then, I get periodic updates from fan Joshua whose family lost their home in Aquila one year ago; and whom, although not homeless in the 'senza tetto' sense of the word, last time I checked, was still living in a hotel in Pescara.

Joshua has provided photo documentation from the last three Sundays of February in L'Aquila. Last week, about a thousand ex-residents tied their old house keys to the fencing as a sign of protest given the complete inertia since the earth stopped shaking there.  The residents then "invaded" the Red Zone -- in the only fraction of the beautiful old city center which can be visited without fire fighter escort.
This past Sunday, Joshua writes,

"We were about 6000, and took part in cleaning up a small fraction of the millions of tons of debris. After almost 11 months, the government bodies have still not decided where to put and process even the smallest portion of the mllions of tons of debris that will have to be cleared away to permit rebuilding.
We know it will take years, but we want to keep an eye on things, we don't want to lose precious time, and above all, we want the city to live again, with us in it, meter by meter, yard by yard."

It may not be a Leap Year but, considering people in Italy's south are still living in metal boxes umpteen years after their own natural catastrophe, let's not skip over the Abruzzesi earthquake survivors.  How long will it take to rebuild their fair city?

Click here for the link and you can also find Joshua and all things Aquila on facebook.

p.s. the scaffolding and such that you will see is only to keep the buildings from falling down, not bringing them up.

Driving in Italy, Michelle Obama and Gelato

Okay, now I don't ever do this, but since my sister & husband showed up today with their four kids, I think it comes with the sort of Twitter-mentality induced by trying to complete a full sentence to any one person within a certain space of time (like, say, 9 hours). So, I'm just going to share a few random thoughts about today, just because my synapses can no longer fire coherently:

- Michelle Obama & kids visited the Pantheon today. It has been twittered, and it's probably TOTALLY UNTRUE, in the friend of a friend of a friend sort of variety of info that our TOTALLY COOL FIRST LADY donning black leggings - leggings!- under a black dress asked for a doggy bag at the restaurant. You mean to tell me, my blog isn't required reading prior to a Presidential presence in Italia???!!! I mean, is she a midnight snacker? Did Barack call her up and say, honey can you pick me up a little something while you're out and about??
If not, I'm going to say in her defense that she must be travelling with Bo, and she didn't know she could bring him to the ristorante...(again, if she only read my blog...!)

- And while I'm on the Obama's case, I understand a bunch of nations promised to dump money into the endless corruption pit that will be Aquila's rebuilding. I don't know about you, but personally, I'd like to see a bit more of an improvement say, in making robust levees in New Orleans or actually rebuilding Ground Zero (8 years on...) before I see American tax dollars lining contractors' and politicos' pockets over here. I mean, how much black market money do we have to go around?
Between paying bribes to Pakistanis, Iraqis and Afghan Warlords, I'm sure N'awlins still needs to suck up its fair share... I can still hear Berlusconi laughing all the way to the bank with his G8 Show n'Tell.

- We walked around town to hit the best gelateria in Rome (in the lovely Garbatella area) where the kids dished into pure frozen nutella. But, my nephew wasn't allowed a full €1.50 cup of it (2 scoops), because it was more costly to produce.
I suggested we merely pay more, or, get two cups with half nutella in it, and then swap halfway through... This sort of shenanigans just boggles the mind...or, turns you into a full-fledged-always-looking-for-the-angle paesano.

- We surveyed the damage of the fallen trees in the 'hood, which, in a way, was a godsend. Because so many were fully uprooted, trunks and all, the sidewalks were actually free of all the mini-stumps left by the tree cutters union ["My job's to cut down, ma'am, not to pull out stumps"] in its wake.
Now I wonder what will become of all the mini pits along all the sidewalks...Will they just naturally fill with trash? Or, will we end up having to pull out of them old ladies and blind people periodically?

- Earlier in the morning, a man riding down the oncoming lane in order to make his left turn (they're usually on the crosswalk at this intersection, so this was actually an impeccable driver), got front-ended by a young woman on a motorino. Although clearly his fault, he managed to convince her of her caprice while bending over to survey the scratches left on his bumper.
I offered my assistance in not letting her literally get taken for a ride by this joker, but to no avail...As my nephews sang to me a bit later, "Car, car, c-a-r, get to the right or you'll be tar".
Only problem was, even when you're on the right, you're wrong!

Tante Belle Cose - June09

Well, the best news to come out this month is the arrival of summer, although judging from the people who attempt to cool off in Rome’s fountains, I don’t mean because of the intense heat: It’s L’Estate Romana, when there is l’imbarazzo della scelta of outdoor theatres, cinemas, concerts, plays, and every sort of entertainment around. From the ancient theatre of Ostia Antica to world music in Villa Ada, amazing shows in Tivoli and even little parks filled with one activity or another, including Rome Vintage and totally fun Gay Village, summer has arrived. It truly makes you want to spend your time in the fairly emptied city, year after year.
You can visit the site, but, being government run, good luck in actually finding show times and costs. You can’t have everything.

Dining at the Hassler Hotel’s Palazzetto one fine evening overlooking Piazza di Spagna, I was amazed to find the Spanish Steps just teeming with people. This is one law I’m fully thrilled is not being enforced. The idea of banishing people from the steps, and fining them if they so much imbibed in a gelato was the greatest insult to a tourism-based kind of place. Recently it was also proclaimed to get rid of the masseuses off the beaches of Ostia. Frankly, I think it’s a fine idea – after all, they’re not licensed or anything.
But, could they please add the trinket salesmen with their glow-in-the-dark gadgets to their list? I’d truly love to enjoy a meal out in a trattoria in Trastevere without having a half dozen glow toys surrounding my Prosecco glass.

Like so many of Mayor Alemanno’s vast proclamations, after the clean sweep, just like flies the perpetrators just keep coming back for more. Although another bella cosa is, I haven’t happened upon the hookers on the Via Salaria, although the transvestites who frequent the Aventino are still in full force right under the nose of the military posted there.

Aside from uncovering Saint Paul himself, they also discovered at the close of this Pauline year, a truly ancient fresco depicting the saint himself. It was found in the catacombs of Saint Tecla and dates back to the IV century.

And finally, it would appear that all of the monuments damaged in Aquila’s earthquake have found sponsors for their restoration. Thank goodness.
Just in time for the new tremors felt today.

Cleaners...for Every Tough Job

A friend told me that she’s applied for legal status in Italy, versus living on the lam like almost everyone else. [Except that in Italy, if you come from outside of the Europe Zone (and in local parlance, that counts even Eastern Europe), you’re an ‘extra-comunitario’; but if you’re American, somehow, you’re not. I surmise it’s simple payback for the Marshall Plan. Personally, I like to call myself an extra-comunitaria because it feels like extra-terrestial…but, that’s just me.] But I digress.
So, in order to get all her ducks in a row, and all her docs right, she had to sign her ‘Anti-Mafia’ auto-certification. No, it’s nothing like saying you never were and never will be a communist (when trying to enter the USA once upon a time). It’s not even like stating you’re against the mafia and all its activities. It’s basically your word attesting you’ve never been in nor have dealings with the mafia.
I kid you not. These certificates are the Italian equivalent of Spic & Span.
In my long career here, I’ve had to sign dozens of these – every time I entered a public bid. Incredibly, even with all these anti-mafia certificates, articles appear almost daily on how much the mafia is in almost every business in Italy. And the numbers of businesses paying the extortion ‘protection’ fees (e.g. having mafia dealings) is off the charts. So, if we had to line up the certificates against the numbers of businesses actually doing the mafia’s dirty work, I can be pretty sure, it won’t add up.
Incredibly, these certificates are the first order of business for the rebuilding of Aquila. I’m sure the certificates by contractors and cement providers are being reviewed and approved handily as I type. They just sign the forms and, look now! Clean as a whistle.
It's no wonder the Italians have a wonderful saying, 'Gettare la spugna'. Throw in the Sponge (meaning, 'throw in the towel').

Francesca Maggi's...Strange But True!

Considering that you can't even get a telephone line hookup in Italy in under two months, Berlusconi's affirmation that Aquila will be rebuilt in time for the G8 session in July borders on hallucinogenic. Problem is, it will probably happen, and he will achieve his dream of covering once-picturesque Aquila in swathes of cement [I reference the urban sprawl that is Perugia nowadays]. This is only one of the more strange occurrences this month.

The City of Rome was plastered recently with posters showing the number of trees here, there and everywhere that had been pruned by the paid assassins working under cover at the Servizi Giardini. I thought this was a good thing (they numbered in the thousands), until friends pointed out, "What capital city boasts that they've pruned trees for the first time in 10 - 12 & 18 years?". Point well-taken.

And then there's the incredible situation at my favorite, the Poste Italiane. All of these state-run monopolies, were started to be, uhhhh, exactly that: State-Run Monopolies. Turns out, Italy's State-run Antitrust Office has decided to file a ruling against its own kin, for Abuse of Power stemming from their lofty Monopoly position.
So much for sticking to your Mission Statement.

But, the prize goes to the Comune di Roma's AMA - garbage office. Navigating on their site recently, I was utterly dazed and amused to find their own special pages dedicated to Italian Cinema. Turns out the Refuse Folks also run the cemeteries. And now I see why Italy is so bad at recycling -- absolutely next to no one gets cremated here.... And the Cinema connection was a tour of the tombs of the leading lights in the Italian film industry.
Or is it a not-so-subtle hint that most of the movies made here are just pure trash??


Picture by Agoravox.it / Their terrific posting on the trees here.

Marketing 201

Not so long ago, I was invited to a presentation of a book on Marketing, a book that compiled the best that the great minds in the Advertising – PR – and marketing fields had to offer. I learned loads that evening - but not about marketing. It offered all the elements of holding a typical business conference in Italy.

First off, of course to me, was the noticeable lack of women in the room. Well, that’s not entirely true, there just weren’t any on the panel. They were greeting guests, serving water, and relaying messages, bending over just so as a special eye candy treat to the presenters for their time. After about 30 mins., I still didn’t know why we were there, who the panelists were (and would never find that out), and why they were chosen to speak in the first place. I guess keeping the public in suspense ultimately keeps you from nodding off.

The presentation started promptly, only 15 minutes behind schedule, nothing short of a miracle on the order of Padre Pio. Because it was a creative crowd, we were thankfully not treated to a head-bowed read of one’s written presentation. But we did get to be spectators in a massive ego-fest, in which each presenter courteously fanned the ego of another, all the while keeping us insignificant onlookers in the dark over their little inside jokes. They liked each other so much that only a few actually took calls during another’s presentation, or chatted with someone else. This came as a nice surprise, extraordinary, actually in its audacity.

With all this testoserone, jokes, when offered, were inevitably of the locker room variety: The Pirelli calendar guy joked how women had the ‘raw material’ to be portrayed – this, an example of marketing genius [well, the calendar is, in some – no many, circles]. Another boasted how he had to cut out early so he could find what his wife had put on the table [He had such a sense of urgency, I'm certain his mistress was waiting directly in the car…]. He went on to say that’s where one eats best (at home, not the waiting hotel), and where one could find the women who were absent from the hall. Another regaled us with the cliché scenario of the boss who beds his secretary, but still directs her in the formal ‘lei’ form of speech.


The eldest in the group, no longer so worried about Bella Figura, got the greatest response when telling about training a marketing team for a major ladies’ lingerie firm. There were 300 men. Only. So, he offered that they get to know 10 women a bit better: the wife/girlfriend, the lover, the girlfriend of the lover…and so on.

An hour into the presentation, two had already run off (probably with those same lovers) and the old guy had nodded off (after all, he didn’t need to wait for the introductions).

It ended, as they always do, with no questions opened to the public, a brief summary of cars and soccer, and drinks on the terrace. It was probably my 6179th presentation, and I prayed, it would be my last.

You can read about Marketing 101 here.

Feelin' the Earth Move Under My Feet

All of us are still reeling from the quakes felt all the way to Rome and from the horrific images of the damage done to one of the most pristine and picturesque places in Italy. The rescue and mobilization of volunteers and squads from nearly all of Italy was exceptional – the response was immediate, well-organized, and all those affected who could, pitched in to pull people from the rubble. I even saw pictures of Spanish rescuers with dogs searching for survivors. Teams of national guards are busy assuring that looting was at a minimum (besides, there was little left to loot) and the idiots who sent out an sms warning of future quakes to lure people from their homes will be met with more severe sentences than ever. In short, the coordination of departments, the exodus into nearby hotels, and the treatment of patients in field tents all went like clockwork.

But, no sooner have the aftershocks stopped than investigations have been called. The biggest question remains -- Why did the more recent constructions collapse like a house of cards? The answer usually lays with corrupt builders and city officials with greased palms and blind eyes. But, it could simply be that the force of the quake was simply too great for any building to hold up under.

The second story to make the rounds is of the supposed seismologist who predicted an imminent earthquake, until being trounced by pretty much every other scientist, technician, engineer and media advisor on the airwaves. This guy, it turns out, is the Italian cousin of Joe the Plumber - not truly a seismologist, he sounded the alert weeks ago, based on radon gases he was finding. He was unceremoniously jailed for his efforts.
A reality check: If we could predict earthquakes, everyone from Tokyo to Tahoe would sleep easily at night (well, they do anyway, but that’s besides the point). The best scientists in Japan and the USA can’t call ‘em, and neither can a hobbyist from the Abruzzo mountains.

But – and you’ve read it here first (and at the risk of being jailed for sounding a false alarm) -- the biggest – and heretofore – still unmentioned repercussion of this quake is the arrival of every sort of malady stemming from Asbestos. Every building in Abruzzo (and much of Italy for that matter), from schools to hospitals to households is made with asbestos in the roofs. Those apocalyptic scenes of entire blocks reduced to rubble are all the more scary because the entire area has been blanketed in the stuff. After the earthquake demolished my family’s Abruzzo town in 1985, I was told NOT to replace the roof, but to seal it so the asbestos could never get out. Lifting the roof off would have released a Pandora’s box. Just like the Twin Towers workers, we’ll be hearing about the effects in a few years’ time.

In the meantime, we get to look forward to an inordinate amount of corruption in contract procurement and the relative urban sprawl while the region rebuilds -- already Berlusconi has tipped his cards, on his idea to build 'new towns' thereby destroying the charm and countryside of what is left of the Aquila countryside. To get a picture of the future, just take one look at Perugia in the years since the Assisi earthquake.

You can send donations through the Italian Red Cross. Probably a fairly safe bet for your funds.