Ikea, Killer Hot Dogs & an American Family Named Green

As readers know, every now and again, not only do I post things I just love about Italy, but I also report on some of the big issues of the day.  Which brings me to the tragedy - all too common in the USA - of the little bambino Francesco who choked on a hot dog here in Rome at Ikea, and sadly, died 4 days later.

So first, the statistics (and we have to go to the USA where hot dogs are a national treasure and because in Italy, they probably don't keep them, or maybe they keep them on grape deaths - or on the Grapes of Wrath as the case may be):  According to the American Academy of Pediatrics [and I got this info from an excellent writeup at the American Health & Safety Institute].

“From 1972 to 1992, 449 deaths from aspirated nonfood foreign bodies among children aged 14 years or younger were recorded by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). Nearly two thirds (65%) of these fatalities were among children younger than 3 years. Latex balloons were associated with 29% of deaths overall. Choking on food causes the death of approximately 1 child every 5 days in the United States. Hot dogs accounted for 17% of food-related asphyxiations among children younger than 10 years of age in a 41-state study by Harris et al.”

Driving the point home, I particularly like the quote by one Dr. Gary Smith, who provides a clear monition for Italians everywhere who do, indeed, eat their fair share of würstel.

"If you were to design the perfect plug for a child’s airway, 

you couldn’t do much better than a hot dog"

Which brings me to little Francesco's brave parents and their decision to donate all of his wee organs.  This, in my humble opinion, is on account of an American boy, Nicholas Green who died in 1994 [and who, I've discovered, has his own wikipedia page in tribute to his short but important life and death to boot]. Back in 1994, little Nicholas was on his way to Sicily through Calabria with his family when a couple of 'Ndragheta thugs (the local mafia) mistook their car for a jeweler's they wanted to heist.  Nicholas was shot in the head.  His parents without flinching decided to donate his organs - which ended up going to seven people, including one adult; his eyes giving sight to two of them.

This generous (and at the time, audacious) donation caused a sea change in the Italian populace -- the scant organ donations skyrocketed.  It is difficult to convey the impact of the very public murder of this innocent child and how it has benefited untold thousands since.  Checking out Nicholas' page, you'll discover how his parents received an eloquent gold medal of honor for their rectitude, and how many parks and play areas scattered across the peninsula are named after him. Oh - and, you'll also find that the assassins got the book thrown at them: one for 20 years, the other, life in prison.

A Horse of a Different Color

The lastest craze driven by the media to make us all crazy is the “scandal” of - gasp! Horrors of horrors! - finding horsemeat in pretty much every meat and meat-related item in and around Europe.  You would think they found, oh, I don’t know lead in baby and pet food from China.  I am a horse aficionado, I (try, at least to) ride them, and on my palette of palatable plates, horse meat is right up there alongside cow tongue, tripe and on most occasions, Thumper (except when hiking in the Alps and served with polenta).  So, the question on everyone's lips, if not in their mouths is, “Where’s the beef?!” 

I thought the media-driven fear fomenting the public outcry was sort of strange in a place (and by this I mean all of Europe, east, west, and central) that regularly offers up horse meat on menus and in the meat aisle of your local grocers.  I am assuming that people were upset to learn about horses in their stew for a number of reasons, foremost being the labeling.  I imagine it’s because many people, like me, just don’t fancy equine meat as something they feel like sending into their digestive tracts unwittingly and on a daily basis.  If they are going to consume it, they want to know upfront that it is the side of a nice stallion they were sinking their teeth into.  Like Martini&Rossi, people who regularly nosh on Nellie have to ask for it by name, starting with Whoa!

The greater scandal as I see it has everything to do with the food processors, who seem - if you are to trust the reporters - to assume the Lipizzan stance: frozen in mid-prance and caught totally by surprise.

As cute & innocent as it looks, I don’t buy it for a minute.  A collective - “Whoops! How could such a thing have happened?”  As if their in-house butcher can’t tell the difference between a cow carcass and a horse one when they offload them at the factory.  Not to mention that State officials routinely run tests on all manner of food products -- We are lead to believe that there was a sudden overrun of horses so processors decided to cull the stocks and use them for meat filler?  In the last week or so?  I don’t think so.  Like a pedophile or philanderer, if they’ve been caught this once generally means they’ve been at it for a whole heckuva lot longer.

In the very least, if this stinky spate of horseshit makes for better labeling, then great.  I, for one, only hope that people stop their steeple-chase of purchasing pre-fab sauces, meatballs, ragù and other processed products that they just don’t need in their kitchens.  Unless, of course, they need to feed an army of people as hungry as horses.  

*many live links in text above

Right of Refusal

Anyone living in Italy usually finds out the hard way about the overall ‘No Returns’ rules-one of the few rules that actually gets enforced - with a vengeance.  Basically, a good rule of thumb is, “You buy it – you own it” – even if it’s defective [just try telling that to my mother who is notorious for picking up dozens of new outfits just to bring them home and try them on & bring most back to the store– talk about a carbon footprint - if that happened in Italy, they'd be charging 8 euro per piece just for the administrative hassle].   
There’s actually probably a very good reason for this; I often imagine that in Italy, people would pull a reverse-42^nd street on the storeowners:  You bought a fabulous Bose stereo, returning it with the insides taken out.

But, along the way, the chains and multinationals finally extended a proper ‘returns policy’ to the hoi-polloi; so it’s becoming more common to do the deal. It all started with Ikea, who, back in the day, launched a huge advertising campaign touting the fact that you had 30 days to change your mind!  Regardless, you still could not get a credit card credit – and I still don’t think you can – anywhere – unless of course you have a blessing by the Pope and Saint Francis himself.

So it came as a surprise when a friend (who calls himself my wandering reporter) tried to return something at Ikea.  He was told they would do just a store credit.  Not being a store he usually frequents, he then employed the Rule No. 1 of living in Italy, “Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”  He explained that he rarely comes to Ikea, couldn’t find anything to substitute (he couldn’t??!! – typical male) and, to his surprise, the guy at the counter said, “Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but maybe we can make an exception.”

He was as stunned as he was pleased.  But, like a journalist, he pressed as to the ‘why’ of their change in policy (to which I’d say, ‘don’t look a gifthorse in the mouth’).  Basically, it’s a store policy, right?  Why make an exception for me?  Because I’m a nice guy? 

And in that is one of the beauties of Living in Italy – someone is always willing to make that exception – I’ve managed many an overweight bag over the moving beltway with no charge -- just as long as the proprietor’s away from the till.

Travel to Germany: Alice in Vunderland

There were a few more things about Frankfurt that gave me pause…like seeing Frankensteinplatz on a map, and the temperatures that kept me frozen in my tracks upon arrival. Note to self: Don’t visit northern countries after September, and don't even think about England in August.
Staying with friends in a pristine area outside of Frankfurt (so far outside, there was an Ikea nearby), her 11 year old daughter was in a play where she was the Assassin. I asked her who she had to kill – she answered, two girlfriends and a couple of others. Now, I don’t want to seem a prude, but…isn’t Germany right up there with the USA on school shooting sprees? It seemed a strange play for elementary school, but, she assured me, not as strange as the other one, all about Zombies – in a sort of Night of the Living Dead reenactment.


Speaking of Zombies, the most incredible sightings to be had in Frankfurt were the hundreds of high schoolers (?) that were sent by some strange underground force, or else on their own collective volition to appear at Saturday's Book Fair. Judging from their looks, they did not seem of the book reading type, although, I’m sure Nightmare on Elm Street definitely figured in there somewhere. The costumes were your basic Punk variety, mixed up with Halloween costumes (like Little Bo Peep and Witchy-Poo). In all, I enjoyed the spectacle, because I felt like an extra in Lidsville.

They strolled around in groups, their multi-colored fluorescent hair standing out, I decided they weren't the underground types -- so they must be there to entertain the guests of honor, (or our next overlords, rather) China. The entire week in fact was dedicated to China, including films, books, museum shows, and even the rickshaws taking you to and fro…! Talk about German organization.

But, I couldn’t help but think what the Chinese, with their gold-trimmed robes and pageantry, and their wonderful theatrical masks and precision choreography might have made of it. Here was Punk Glamour Donts meets the Last Emperor – The Chinese I’m sure must have thought it was early Halloween – or so I hoped.
No, Dorotea, you are not in Bella Roma anymore!

Pubblicità - Publicity or Public Obscenity?

[Ad reads: Bring your kids to Ikea, and we'll keep them between the balls. Fra le palle meaning similar to ball-breakers].

While Ikea ads remain -- at least for me -- The Gold Standard in Italy, with their tongue placed firmly in their cheek, lately, there's been a wind of change - albeit still only a mild breeze - based on some of the ads I've seen posted around town. This is good news.
In the last month, I've seen a number of articles on the downfall of Italy's ad business and its been a constant thread in dinner conversations (I swear, not of my own doing!). Spontaneous generation, I'd say.
I think this occurs every September, after Italians return from their holidays abroad and realize - even subliminally - what an eyesore ads are here compared to most places. [The verdict of late: it's not based on lack of resources -- poor Brazil reportedly has the most creative ads on the planet).

September in Rome and we were treated to this Back-to-School ad, (although one could make the case that perhaps it'd be a tad more appropriate before the summer lovin' school break). So smart, obviously, it was not approved by any governmental committee. Sheer brilliance in its audacity, its ability to get you to read it, and probably, to think upon it long after you've passed it by. [It reads: Have you installed your Anti-Virus?]

So successful it was, like the anti-anorexia ads before it, it's now been censured.

And so we're left with what amounts to the brilliance of political action committees. From the PD, black ads seemingly marking the end of days, state simply, "Ciao, Ragazzi". Wow. That's enough to get me to motivate - politicize & demand Change.

ciao, ragazzi.

Life in London: Advertisements and Culture Shock

Whilst in Londontown, I am currently pondering two burning issues about British life, namely:

How in the world did the country that brought us high teas, the unparalleled changing of the guard, the management of great swathes of Africa and India, and children in uniforms (and liking it), could get their basic plumbing so totally ass backwards (errr--scratch that, I mean, nix that -- they don't even have bidets) and, worse yet, continue to use their fit-for-Queen Aragon of Spain (est. 1500s) as a viable system today? And two, How does a city as big as London (pop: approx 15M) with virtually no garbage bins remain so impeccably clean?

Regardless, I will post a few more great things about British Life, and that’s their ceaseless delivery of tongue-in-cheek ads: from the Underground to the Mayor’s office, to selling auto insurance (www.confused.com), to furniture stores, flights, and fun things to do, riding the subway here is akin to spending each and every day in a comedy club.

Here are a few which I offer up to my Italian paesani, in the hopes someone's taking notes. Even though this kind of humour is very un-Italian, I’d still like to find an Italian in all the world that doesn’t smile at the Brits' sales tactics (and, who always -- always remembers the ad). Only Ikea stands alone – all of their ads are at once memorable and successful. And oh --- Not to be a prude, but, I must also say that in Britain, these past 2 weeks I’ve eye-balled probably over 40000 adverts, and not found one nude yet -- except on the little stickers attached to the phone booths, but, you get my drift. Come to think of it, Ikea doesn't use them either. So now there's a third pressing question upon which to ruminate: Is there a correlation between high creativity and unclothed women???



The furniture one, while not witty, is a gift for Mr. Binacci -- Lesson #1
How to Sell Furniture

Italy's Business Weak: Nutella and Taxes

There's a lot going on in Italy's business world, affecting not only Italians, but the world...and, contrary to popular belief (especially this popolo), much of it is quite positive. I thought I'd share my bus recap with you:

Now, I like to poke fun at the Italians for being Brand Challenged, but, they actually captured the prize given by the Reputation Institute for having the most trustworthy brand on planet earth: the ever-lovin', ever-smooth, truly scrumptious, so good you can spread it on bread and eat it for breakfast, Nutella.
Confounding common Italian business practice for decades, it still is what it says it is. And while Ikea came second, I'm wondering what happened to good 'ol Kellogg's Corn Flakes (sorry, it's a Michigan thing).

Although threatening to quit, Minister Brunetta keeps on his long march for reining in waste by public servants. He's decided people working in the public office can't be on facebook, although he and all his buddies are.
Obviously, what's good for the goose is not good for the gander.

A report came out on the greatest tax evaders in Italy. Again, contrary to popular belief, it was Italy's north that garnered the top spot. Although one could argue that in the north there are simply more businesses...
It seems to fly right in the face of the logic that Italy's no. 1 Company is the Mafia, who pretty much avoids all taxes...So, go figure.

And, while Alitalia is about to be sanctioned for their lack of respect for timeliness, they have decided to start offering the public low cost airfares.
That's one way to stop the griping on delays...many of the lowcost airlines run permanently late...

Your Nutella Fact Sheet:
- My sister once ordered a case of it when we were little which arrived broken. After sending a letter of complaint, they replaced them all, plus some and coupons on more!
- Ms. Adventures in Italy and At Home in Rome started World Nutella Day back in 2007.
- It would take almost 392,000 jars of nutella to go the entire 17 mile Monterey Bay drive (now, who'd want to do a thing like that??)