Tuesday, April 12

The Silvio Show - Berlusconi coming soon to a city near you!

These days, our leader of our great nostalgic country seems to be reliving his Lounge Lizard days - Open shirt & Microphone in hand, he's traipsing cross country in a solo act -- piling on the jokes like the beloved Totó - The Prince of Laughter - so people won't notice the holes in his performance as Prime Minister.  For those of you who may have missed his sold-out performances (after all, the Italians love Silvio), here are some of the show highlights:

Lampedusa - once a pristine paradise, now home to thousands of immigrants pouring in from N. Africa
- Silvio, a sound businessman at heart (never mind he's being / has been investigated for his creative finance for years on end) took one look at the island and did what any other tycoon would do:  He tried to purchase a home online.  Obviously taken by the surroundings, he probably figures he needs a new island outpost far from Arcore.  After all, I'm sure there are dozens of pretty young things in amongst the poor throngs just waiting to be 'discovered' at his parties.  
- He has the eye:  Silvio built in the outskirts of Milan, MilanDue & MilanoTre - both wonderful places to live, replete with pools, clubhouses, lots of greenery, large terraces, families.  So, when he went on to say that Lampedusa needed a golf course & casino, you can bet it will probably happen.  The Mayor now says 'No' to the casino, but, seeing that Silvio uses his pads to host the hookers  fine young women he is single-handedly trying to get off the streets and into new positions in government, perhaps the City Officials can come around to his reasoning.  Or, as America's The Daily Beast put it well over a year ago, when Silvio spotted a real political animal in Milano - Nicole Minetti is a sex worker politician...Of course, they got the story wrong - she was his dental hygienist, not his dentist.  See the full gallery here.

Milano - At the awards ceremony honoring the top students working as trainees in the Campus Mentis program

- To the two women: "You've done so well, I feel like inviting you for some Bunga Bunga!"
- To the young man there: "Well, you're cute too, so you can come along as well!"

Fully acknowledging their achievements, in a country experiencing a massive brain drain, and nearly 30% unemployment among students, he said he was at a veritable loss for words -- "Because there isn't time to tell you all my jokes!!!  I even have one on McDonald's!"  After some prodding by the Host (ma perchè mai??!!), he acquiesced, saying he would tell his most "caste joke": 

"An Italian was explaining to a German, how to really 'get' the girl...'First, you take a bottle of champagne, pour it down her front, then suck it off her 'down there', if you get my drift -- To which the German says, 'Sounds great! Will it work with beer too?!!"
Berlusconi then apologized for his stupid joke, saying "It was much better if I had delivered it as it was originally intended."  No one laughed - See for yourself here.

Milano - In court under accusation for 'creative' accounting, including hidden funds, payoffs, and so forth
- To the judge:  "You're the bad guy here."
- To his followers: "Today was a total waste of time."
- Adding his preemptive comment on the upcoming trial for abetting underage prostitutes:  "I'm not paying prostitutes for their services, I'm trying to get them off the streets!  In fact, the €60000 paid to Ruby (he confesses) was so she could open a beauty salon."

Aside from the small detail that Ruby would need to be a licensed practitioner to do so, as one brilliant contributor stated on L'AltroQuotidiano:

"Yeah - just like the poor parish priest, Don Benzi, who made it his life's mission to get the prostitutes off the streets - except that he looked for them himself, and didn't rely on recs from a kind nun, he didn't bring them to his home, but to his qualified institute, and he certainly didn't have Bunga Bunga parties with them, either."


Dave514 said...

I feel sorry for the Italians. He's all rather pathetic.


cuz liz said...

Clueless and pathetic. Unfortunately, regardless of the position he holds, or finds himself in :-), he will never, ever go away.